Sermon on the Mount (as practiced by certain people):
Twenty-First Century Edition
Michael Ceraolo
Blessed are the poor,
for theirs makes possible our fiefdom on earth
Blessed are those
who are killed so that we may remain comfortable
Blessed are the meek,
for without their contributions to our tax-exempt foundations
our lifestyles would be far less lavish
Blessed are we
who hunger and thirst with covetousness,
for we have the means to satisfy our cravings
Blessed are the merciless
who can call for assassination of foreign leaders with impunity
Blessed are the hard in heart,
for they shall obtain more of God's creation
Blessed are the warmakers,
for they can play God with the life of the world
Blessed are we
who feel persecuted even in our kingdom on earth
And Blessed are
when men revile us and persecute us
and utter all kinds of evil against us
on account of any of the above,
for
we rejoice and are glad that our reward is great on earth
