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The Perfect Girl

Victor Phan

I.
    The room was dark and silent. A small boy lied trembling as he listened to the sounds of the footsteps approaching. Each footfall made his heart beat faster. Johnny retreated into his sheet cocoon as the stomps got louder and louder. His tears left wet tracks down his cheeks, pooling into his pillow. The fear was intense. He begged for someone to save him, but he knew deep down no one ever does. Little Johnny had suffered through this many times over the past two years. This was one of those things he would never get used to, no matter how many times it happened.
    The sound of the footsteps became deafening. Johnny’s eyes were glued to the band of light creeping in under the doorway. The footsteps then became shadows in the doorway light. They paused at the door—and—walked on down the hall. Suddenly the footsteps stopped. Johnny heard the scrape the shoes made as they turned around. Two shadows appeared below Johnny’s door. He could hear the doorknob turn. The door slowly crept open and Johnny instinctively pulled the covers over his head in an attempt at protection.
    Johnny peaked out from underneath the sheet. Standing in the doorway was Johnny’s foster father’s shadowy figure. He was backlit by the hallway light. The man’s face was featureless except for the glassy lit eyes from drinking, and a set of rotting teeth as he smiled. Swaying, he had hit a few bars after his graveyard shift at the rendering plant. Johnny could smell the stench of animal blood and rotting meat fill the room. What Johnny didn’t know was his foster father was handing down the tradition of abuse he suffered when he was Johnny’s age.
    At the bottom of Johnny’s view he could see the belt waiting for him. Johnny looked down to see the belt unravel from the fist and slap against the stained and tattered butcher’s apron. Johnny shut his eyes in acceptance and submission to what was to come.
    “Get up, boy,” said the butcher. His voice slurred and his breath stank of the house whisky from the last bar.
    “I said get up, ungrateful bastard! Don’t pretend that you didn’t hear me!” The next thing Johnny knew, he was kicking and screaming as his drunken foster father was dragging him out of bed by the ankles. The carpet burned his face as he was dragged and dumped in the living room.
    “Suck it up and take your medicine like a man!” the Butcher raged. The alcohol only intensified the rage as he swung the belt in a high arc whipping the boy. The well-worn leather split his back, reopening old wounds and making new ones. Johnny closed up into a fetal position. The butcher’s labored breathing was the last thing he heard before everything went black.
    Johnny snapped awake at the scent of ammonia salts. Suddenly he aware of his own vomit, urine, and blood on the floor. He became aware of three adults sitting on a filthy couch. They were thin to the point of emaciation, their faces grey and skinny, wiry to the brink of shadowy death. They took turns passing around a glass pipe, and smoked out of it using a torch. He saw one sucking on the glass pipe waving a butane lighter underneath.
    It is said the mind bends and twists to deal with the traumas of life. In an instant Johnny’s brain transported him to a room lit with only a bare bulb. The walls were wet and it stank of earth. He seemed a little bit older and with different foster parents. He huddled in a fetal position in the corner, while his foster parents lustfully indulged in the sins of the flesh. The young boy’s sobs could not keep out the sounds of their well-worn soft springs keeping time with their rutting. Bottles of Night Train and Black Velvet littered the putrescent floor.
    Johnny shut his eyes hard and prayed to be taken away to a better place. He wanted to be free of the pains he was forced to endure. He wanted liberation from the imprisonment he never asked for. Every night, before he went to sleep, he would ask himself where his real mother was. Surely she would care for him and nurture him. Surely she would give him the love he needed to grow.
    When Johnny reopened his eyes he was locked inside of a dark place. He couldn’t see his hands before him. He reached out and felt the walls closing him in. Claustrophobia made his breaths sparse. Suddenly the door burst open and there was light, but even the light bore no safety for Johnny. Standing in the light wasn’t an angel to liberate him, far from it. There stood yet a different foster mother. This one was stern, with ragged hair and wrinkles, and a bible in her hand.
    She yanked Johnny out of the closet and used the bible to bring the rapture upon the crying youth. Hard leather pounded against his young skull. Obscenities like “child of sin” projected from her crusted lips. The hard cover book repeatedly bashed into Johnny’s head. The cover became red with blood and Johnny lost consciousness.
    Johnny awoke in a cold sweat. He could taste the salt of his tears. He looked into the mirror and didn’t see a little boy. In the child’s place stood a young man. He gazed around his dark dorm room and realized where he was. He took comfort in the fact that it was all a dream. The scars that were left in his mind from his childhood would never leave him, but at least he wasn’t still enduring the physical pains. Tomorrow would be a new day.

II.
    The halls of the university campus were tremendously crowded. It was as though the embodiment of the educational facility somehow gave its inhabitants life. Johnny trod alone down the long corridor. Though many surrounded him, deep down he was truly alone. Johnny watched all the people around him from the safety of his psyche. These new people, with their constant jabbering, were odd to him. Their completely superficial interactions astounded him.
    He watched how they smiled when exchanging words with one another. Theirs were false smiles with real intentions. He became enthralled by the dances of the social. From his blind spot, a rock hard shoulder slammed into his face and knocked him on his ass. Johnny looked up to see what juggernaut could have relentlessly impeded him from his path. There he saw a young goliath, and on his arm was a sexy, but angry blonde.
    “Watch it, loser!” said the blonde. The couple laughed as they pranced away. Other students simply stared at Johnny sitting there on the floor like an idiot. Not a single one offered a helping hand.
    When Johnny stepped into the university classroom, he was taken back by its vastness. He had never been inside such a large confinement before. Slow and shy, he took his seat in the back of class. The students around him continued their mindless banter. Johnny could not for the life of him understand what made them so happy to exchange trivial information. Their grins and chuckles began to sicken him.
    Somewhere deep in his heart, he knew he truly yearned to be one of them. He imagined the bliss of being one of the laughing idiots in the group, but something held him back. He didn’t know what it is was, but he knew it made him different. And for this same reason others could sense how different he genuinely was. Why else would they not greet him like they did one another? They all seemed to ignore him as though he was completely invisible.
    The heavy door flung open as a large man entered the classroom. The class settled down in unison. The man’s authority was sensed in the air with a single spoken word. The man removed a dry erase marker from his bag and wrote on the board. His carefully scrawled words read, Psychology 101.
    “Hello. I am Dr. Harris and you are in psych 101, introduction to psychology,” his voice echoed. Dr. Harris grabbed a stack of syllabi from his bag and passed them to the students in front. Students took one and passed the remainder to those behind them. Johnny became really eager to accept his syllabus. This minuscule bit of human interaction would be his chance for some kind of connection, no matter how obscure. He watched the stack get smaller-and-smaller as it approached him.
    His moment was finally upon him as the student sitting in front of him handed the syllabus back. Johnny reached out for it but the student was too eager to let go. Like all of his hopes, the syllabus dropped to the cold hard concrete. Johnny bent over to pick up what was left of his aspirations. He quickly grabbed the grimy sheets of paper and sat back up. He then felt piercing gazes upon him. When he glanced up every single eye in the classroom was concentrated on him. He was startled by the silent admonitions.
    Within a blink of an eye everything was back to normal. The professor was still giving his lecture up front as the students jotted their notes. Johnny, glad to not be the center of attention, breathed a sigh of relief. He reasoned his imagination was getting the best of him again. This wasn’t the first time his daydreams had seem too real, and it certainly wouldn’t be the last.
    “We are going to be discussing the theory and application of psychology,” Dr. Harris read off the syllabus. Johnny didn’t pay the good professor any mind, instead he just watched the girls from his seat. Their flowing hair, soft skin, enticing smiles, and thong underwear straps enticed him. Johnny felt an erection growing in his jeans.
    Many hours after class, with the moon out bright in the black clear sky, Johnny locked himself in his dorm room. Johnny was busy at his computer with all of the lights turned off. The only source of illumination came from the monitor. Johnny leaned back in the chair and loosened up. Now in the privacy of his room and no longer being able to resist the urge, Johnny clicked onto porn sites. He pulled out his already erected member and began stroking it with his free hand.
    Johnny gripped the mouse with his other hand and clicked away. The first site he went to had plain nudity. There was not enough depravity for Johnny to have any real fun with himself. Bored with the site he surfed onto more porn sites. Finally he found the one that enticed his little cock. The page was littered with sodomy, hypoxyphilia, sadism, and other acts that were barely legal in most states. Unable to hold his excitement any longer, Johnny came in his hand. The explosion left Johnny utterly breathless.
    After Johnny’s masturbation ritual, he sat onto his bed and gazed out of the blinds. The campus grounds were dark, but there were enough lampposts for him to make out the figures beneath. He scoped out the girls strutting their stuff on the quad below. How he yearned to be able to penetrate some real flesh instead of his boring hand.
    Out of the corner of his view he saw a sassy blond walk towards the parking structure. Rachel crossed the quad alone with books clutched to her breasts. Her hair had highlights and she wore low-rider jeans. He recognized her as the girl who had called him “loser” earlier that morning. Though anger filled him, lust was the victor above all. He watched as her ass swayed from side-to-side as she disappeared from his vision.
    Johnny moved away from the window, and sat onto his bed with arms crossed. Sitting there alone in the dark brought back memories of his childhood. Images of his own torment shot through his mind like a sixteen-millimeter projector in fast forward. Johnny leaned over the nightstand and found his trusty model knife. He stared at it with admiration and remembered how this little blade, his best friend, had gotten him through so many of the hard times. He held the knife with his right hand and rose up his opposite forearm. The self-inflicted scars had given him escape from the pains of reality on so many other occasions.
    But tonight, in a brand new home, why deny the inevitable? He knew the reason why he was set up in a dorm room in some suburban Orange County university. His latest foster parents had sent him here so they could be with their Real Family. Of course, they never told him that, but he could tell by their willingness to wisp him off to college. Tears filled his eyes and he finally accepted his fate. Without hesitation he slashed his wrist open vertically. The pain was intense, but not as intense as the pain of knowing the family that was supposed to love him had cast him aside.
    Suddenly a knock at the door brought Johnny out of his suicidal trance. The sight that he had not cut his wrist open startled him. It had been twice that same day that his imagination had taken hold. That was more times in one day than he could remember. The loud knock came again.
    “Hey, Johnny! Mail’s here! Can I come in?” said Daniel from the other side of the door.
    “Uh. Yeah. Come in,” Johnny replied.
    Daniel entered with a stack of letters. Daniel was a young man in his late teens. His blood shot eyes and excessively dried mouth gave away his state of mind. He took a look around the room before he turned on the lights. With adequate illumination in the room, Daniel saw Johnny mesmerized by the knife.
    “Johnny, are you psycho or somethin’? The hell you doin’?”
    “Just thinking. So whatcha got for me, man?”
    Daniel shuffled through the stack of envelopes. Each one was addressed to the stoner. He finally found one addressed to Johnny. “You only got one, dude. Looks like it’s from your hometown of Riverside.”
    Rudy, a big jock, entered the doorway with a bong in his hand. He blew out smoke and commented with the same breath, “Riverside? That’s the meth capital of the world!”
    Johnny, offended, stared at the behemoth. Rudy smirked back and said, “Figures.”
    Johnny remembered that face. That was the jerk who had knocked him down in the morning. The sworn enemies acknowledged each other. Rudy passed Daniel the bong and went back over to the living room. After the hulk exited the room, Johnny let out the words he had kept inside, “Fuck you!”
    Johnny grabbed the letter from Daniel’s grasp and opened it with the model knife. Daniel left Johnny’s lair and shut the door behind him.
    “Psycho . . .” Daniel expelled in disbelief.
    Johnny got up and pulled out the letter. He threw the written page on the computer desk without perusal. A picture slid from the opened envelope and fell to the floor. Johnny bent over to retrieve it. He studied the glossy photograph. There was a girl standing against some shrubbery. The picture entranced him. The girl was young, seventeen maybe, and very beautiful. She had shimmering blonde hair and emerald green eyes. She had the look of someone who was soft spoken and nurturing. The girl in the photo mesmerized him. She was his fantasy, The Perfect Girl.
    “You’re gorgeous,” said Johnny as he gently touched the smooth surface of the photograph. He plopped down into the chair and stared intently at the picture. This photograph displayed the girl he had been searching his entire life for. “You’re perfect.”
    Those were the last words Johnny would utter for hours. Johnny stared at the picture without movement long into the night. Then he closed his eyes and let sleep take him off to the world of dreams.
    When he reopened his eyes, he was sitting on a blanket on a hillside. The bright California sun warmed the back of his neck. When he looked up he saw his Dreamgirl in front of him. If beautiful was the word to describe her in the picture, then there were no words that could describe her in motion. Her deep mysterious eyes graced him with enchanting embrace. She was smiling, but not too much, just enough to give a hint of the joy she felt inside.
    Unlike the previous episodes in the past day, this time Johnny knew he was dreaming. Johnny picked up a glass of champagne and took a sip, never for a moment taking his eyes off of her; afraid she would vanish if he blinked. There was a china plate next to him with ripe strawberries. He picked one up and offered it to her. She took a nibble out of it, ever so slowly, ever so gracefully.
    “I’m so glad we could be together today,” said the beauty before him.
    “Who would of thought? You and me together, it’s perfect.” The words just flowed from him without control.
    “I love you.” The words coming from her soft voice made his heart melt. He had never felt the joy and warmth he felt at that moment. If he had died right then and there, he would have been completely content. This affection, he was sure, was what he had been missing his entire life. He glanced down to retrieve Dreamgirl another strawberry. As he reached out his finger, blood began dripping onto the white plate.
    Johnny followed the dripping to its origin. There, blood was dripping from Dreamgirl’s eyes.
    “You’re bleeding,” Johnny said apathetically.
    Johnny turned around to reach for a rag. When he came back around to face her, she was gone. Once again Johnny was alone in a world that was alien to him. Then the dream was over.

III.
    Johnny slumped in the back row of his psychology class. Like his first day, he made no attempt to communicate with those around him. Again he was amazed by how alive the students were. Everyone simmered down when Dr. Harris entered the classroom. The good professor wrote the day’s discussion topics on the board, but Johnny couldn’t care less about psychology. Absolutely bored, he fished for the picture of Dreamgirl from his bag. He held it under the desk so no one else could see. Dr. Harris faced the class and spotted Johnny daydreaming.
    Looking directly at Johnny, the professor bellowed with his thunderous voice, “Students who sit in front tend to do better than those in the back of class.” With all eyes on Johnny, only this time in actuality, Johnny hid the picture and gave the professor his undivided attention. Johnny thought to himself, fucking asshole!
    A girl stumbled into class late and broke the silence. Johnny wanted to scope her goods, but she was all the way in front with her back towards him. He couldn’t see her face but it didn’t matter, what he could see he liked very much. She offered apologies to the professor and took a seat in the front row. Johnny kept on gazing at her arousing figure. She was slender but had voluptuous qualities where they mattered. Her blonde hair shone in the fluorescent lights.
    “And another tip. Students who get to class on time tend to do better too,” Dr. Harris jested. Johnny and the tardy girl were the only ones who didn’t laugh. Johnny gazed at the other person who didn’t find humor in the professor’s words. The girl leaned over and fished for a pen from her purse. She felt Johnny’s eyes on her, so she looked up and locked eyes with him for an instant.
    Johnny felt his heart wanting to bleed again upon seeing those mesmerizing eyes. The vivid scene from his dream flashed through his mind. Could it really be her? She had turned to face the professor before Johnny could get a good look. Johnny clumsily fished for the picture again. He held it up and examined the back of her head. Had his dreamgirl really waltzed into his life? Did some angel send her for him? These were the thoughts that were racing through his mind, as well as his heart.
    Johnny decided to follow Dreamgirl after class. He shadowed her from a safe distance. The crowded campus provided him with adequate cover. Dreamgirl talked on her cellular phone the whole way to the main quad. Once at the main quad, she stopped and circled around. She asked her phone, “Hey, where are you?”
    Before she could spot him, Johnny darted towards a stairway and hid. Johnny watched from the protection of the shadows.
    “I’m waiting in the quad. See yah.” Dreamgirl put her phone back into her purse. She waited there in the bright sunlight. Gazing at her reminded Johnny even more of his dream. Then the warmth came back into heart, the warmth of hearing her say, I love you. Johnny couldn’t bear staying apart any longer. If this truly was the love of his life he had to take action now. Johnny mustered enough courage to take a single step. He then saw Rudy and Rachel coming over to greet Dreamgirl. Quickly, Johnny retreated to the comfort of the shadows.
    “What took you guys so long?” asked Dreamgirl as she approached the two.
    “Sorry,” Rachel responded. “We were all the way across campus.”
    Rudy, smirking, came over and wrapped his arms around Dreamgirl. Johnny’s anger rose. Rudy planted a kiss on her lips. This was the ultimate insult. Johnny stormed away and retreated to his dorm room.
    The temperature in Johnny’s room was unbearably hot. The air was stale and stagnant. Johnny sat at his desk aggressively masturbating to net porn. He released all of his furies onto his member. Sweat dripped from his brow. Tears ran from his eyes. His breaths came in short spurts and were in unison with his rapid heartbeat.
    He began loosing his erection. Johnny panicked and started jerking off with greater intensity. His member was still going limp. He shut his eyes and tried to escape to a better place, a place for just him and her. He imagined her lying naked on satin white sheets. She beckoned him to come to her. He saw himself naked and nervous as he approached her. He leaned over and gently kissed her soft lips. She breathed slowly along his skin, sending goose bumps all over.
    Johnny kissed her more passionately. She began to moan. He got on top of her and spread her legs. She shyly opened them, as if to say, what was in between was only for him. He rubbed his hardened self against her entrance, begging to get in. She squinted in ecstasy by the little teasing poke. He felt her fluid coming and wetting the head of his member.
    So warm, so smooth, and so slippery, he had to enter. He slowly slid himself all the way in. She gave out a passionate cry of acceptance as he pushed to full extent. He kissed her neck. He thrust his hips ever so slowly. Her hands tightened around his back. Each one of Johnny’s thrusts was met with a loving pant. He increased his tempo. She looked into his eyes. Her passionate stare was more than Johnny could bear. He then came inside of her warm womb.
    Johnny was still breathing profusely as he opened his eyes. He was in sitting in his chair with his hand around his limp penis. He felt the hot cum dripping out from between his fingers, but something was different. He felt there was more fluid than usual. When he looked down and opened his hand, he saw only blood.

IV.
    In the next class session, Johnny sat in the back as accustomed. Dr. Harris paced back-and-forward giving his lecture. Johnny remained oblivious to the teachings and only focused on Dreamgirl. The professor explained, “Today’s lecture is going to be about psychopathology, or as better known, abnormal psychology.”
    Johnny was hypnotized by Dreamgirl. She sat in the front row taking notes. Every move she made was in slow motion to him. He became lost in her beauty and grace. Dr. Harris continued his lessons, “a fair amount of the cases we’re going to discuss involve psychosis. In contrary to what the media has portrayed, psychosis, or rather being psychotic, does not mean to be overly violent. Psychosis is a disconnect with reality. Patients who suffer from psychosis are unable to distinguish between reality and fantasy, and have difficulty meeting the demands of daily life.”
    Johnny extracted his cell phone from his pocket. Furtively, he snapped pictures of Dreamgirl.
    Dreamgirl headed towards the quad after class. Johnny trailed from behind at first, but this time something inside him told him to go for it. The voice could have been courage, foolishness, or a mixture of the two. He resisted the urge, but when he caught the grace of her movement, he couldn’t resist it any longer. He upped the tempo of his tread and approached her.
    He stopped, right in front of her, forcing her to stop too. She smiled at him puzzled. To Johnny’s misfortune, approaching her was the extent of his plan. He didn’t know what to do from there. All he knew was he had to say something. Anything!
    “Hi,” the nervous words barely escaped his lips. There was an awkward silence. He had to follow up with something. “My name is Johnny.”
    “Hi,” she responded with a confused grin.
    That was all Johnny could figure to do. He just stared at her and searched for the words to release the passion that he felt burning inside for her. She didn’t know how to react to the situation either. So they both just stood there, smiling at one another, like idiots.
    “We have class together. Would you like to . . .” Johnny was interrupted by an annoying ring tone.
    Dreamgirl reached into her purse and retrieved her cell phone. Johnny saw the name, Rudy, lit up on the LCD screen. Dreamgirl answered, “Hi, honey. I’ll be right there.”
    She hung up the phone. With no further words to say to one another, she ended the odd first impression. “See you in class.”
    Dreamgirl strolled away as Johnny’s eyes and heart followed. Johnny couldn’t just let her get away. So he ran as hard as he could to the top of building. He had to see where she was going. He reached the roof and got a clear view of the quad.
    It’s amazing how many students could fill a quad on a hot summer day. Bodies of students flowed together in giant masses like schools of fish. Rudy and Rachel were on a bench all over each other. They shared sloppy kisses and pressed their pelvises against one another. Rudy’s hands were rubbing and grabbing Rachel’s tits and ass. Rachel disengaged from the carnal display, “So when you gonna dump her?”
    “Soon.” Those were only words Rudy would offer her. She wasn’t satisfied with his answer so she gave him her bitch-face.
    “Telling your girlfriend that you’re banging her best friend isn’t something you just can bring up,” Rudy replied cockily. He looked through the mazes of students and saw his actual girlfriend coming from the distance.
    “Shit. She’s almost here,” he said as he pushed Rachel off his lap.
    Offended, Rachel had to come back with a rebuttal. She rubbed his leg and said, “You don’t get any until you break up with up her.”
    Rudy wasn’t fazed, “We’ll see about that.”
    Dreamgirl approached her long-time lover and childhood friend. Rudy got off the bench and kissed her. Rachel’s countenance filled with disgust. From up above on top of the building, Johnny watched the betrayal happen right before him. He knew it was up to him to save Dreamgirl from the traitors.
    Night fell onto the Southern Californian campus. The air carried a bitter-warm breeze. On a night like this, most students would go run amok at the downtown pubs. They would unleash wild frenzies of aggressive behavior and promiscuous sexuality, and blame alcohol as the culprit. Johnny wasn’t like most other students, or most other people in fact. Instead of enjoying the warm embrace of the summer night, Johnny stayed locked inside his tiny room.
    Johnny shuffled around his belongings on his desk, looking for his data cable. The picture that started this wild obsession sat against the monitor. Johnny became agitated because he knew he had left the cable on his desk, but for some reason he couldn’t find it. Maybe it was underneath something. Sitting in the center of his desk was the letter that had originally came with the picture. To this day the picture was all he indulged, so why read it now? He lifted up the letter and found the cable underneath.
    He tossed the letter back onto his desk and connected the cable into his computer. He connected the other end into his cell phone. Johnny then uploaded the pictures onto the desktop of his computer. There were many shots of Dreamgirl, each one capturing her mesmerizing qualities, but not doing them the justice they deserved.
    Johnny took a seat and set the pictures as his wallpaper. He gazed at his collection of beauty shots. He became lost in her eyes and felt the love pour out from his heart. Ever so gently, he touched the monitor with his fingertips. Suddenly, knocks at the door brought him out of his moment.
    “Johnny? You okay, dude? You’ve been in there for a while,” asked Daniel from the other side.
    “Get the fuck outta here! I’m busy!” Johnny shouted with murderous rage.
    “Okay, dude! Sorry!” Daniel left Johnny to worship his newfound shrine.
    Johnny prayed to Dreamgirl for hours before sleep caught him. Johnny put up a good fight before his eyes became too heavy. What dreams awaited him?
    Johnny found himself inside of Rudy and Dreamgirl’s apartment. Once again he knew he was in a dream. It was rare for him to know when he was dreaming. In most cases, he was not able to distinguish the separate stages of consciousness between the different worlds of sleep.
    Johnny was startled by loud shouts. Rudy and Dreamgirl were in the middle of a late night lovers’ quarrel.
    “I know you’re cheating on me!” Dreamgirl confronted Rudy.
    “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” replied Rudy. He was a liar to the bitter end.
    “Don’t lie to me! I know you’ve been sleeping around!”
    “You’re crazy! I’m not dealing with this shit right now!” Rudy bent over to retrieve his keys.
    Dreamgirl quickly swiped the keys off the table. She quipped, “You’re not leaving without these!”
    Anger shone in Rudy’s face. He growled, “Give me those!”
    “No!” She dangled the keys in his face mockingly. Rudy swiped for the keys but she moved them away.
    “I said give me my fucking keys!” This was the final warning.
    “No!” This was the final act of defiance.
    Rudy cranked back his fist and threw it into her jaw.
    Within a blink of an eye Johnny found himself committing an act of voyeurism at Rachel’s place. Rudy and Rachel were fornicating on the dirty couch. Johnny watched the two going at it like wild chimpanzees. They were all over each other, rubbing lips and hands everywhere. Usually a scene like this would elicit an erection from Johnny. Arousal was the furthest emotion from what Johnny felt inside. This display of animal lust was their celebration of a battle won over Johnny’s precious dreamgirl. They can’t get away with this!
    Johnny awoke in his chair. It took a few seconds before all the rage from the dream came back to him. Something had to be done. Only he could stop the betrayal. With pure animal ferocity, he got off his chair and grabbed something sitting on his lamp stand on his way out.

V.
    Rachel walked alone across campus towards her car. She passed the library that stood still and silent as a sentinel. Her busy work schedule made it impossible for her to take all morning classes. It wasn’t the night classes that bothered her though; it was the long walk to the parking structure that she didn’t particularly enjoy. As secure as the officials made the campus seem, who truly knew what could happen at night?
    She always held her books squeezed across her breasts when she walked at night. It wasn’t that she was cold; it was the fact that she was scared. Holding her books like that was like an adult version of hiding under the covers. To Rachel, psychotic knife wielders on campus were just as plausible as monsters hiding under the bed. But in the realm of adulthood, the bedroom is the open world, and the monsters are murderers and rapists.
    Feeling the paranoia and fear kick in, she accelerated her stride. She was determined to get to the structure faster before something or someone would come hungry for her. Even then she could swear she felt eyes prying on her, waiting for her to walk into an unseen trap.
    The monolithic parking structure waited for her. She moved towards it like it was her sanctuary from the wicked that waited silently in the open. Its walls of glass and stone would certainly protect her. She sensed something was behind her. Goose flesh grew on the nape her neck, so she did the only thing she could think of, she ran. As she reached the stairs at the base of the structure, she decided to give someone a call just in case something did happen to her. At least there would be someone to call for help. If this fear were indeed just her imagination, hearing someone’s voice would alleviate some of her tensions.
    She removed her phone from her bag and dialed Rudy. She could hear the sound of the phone being activated as Rudy pulled it from his pocket. She knew she couldn’t let him know she was scared, so she tried to play it cool. “So what you up to tonight?”
    “I’m watching a movie with my girlfriend,” Rudy whispered.
    Hearing Rudy’s strong voice made her fears dissipate. She completely forgot her fears and only remembered her libido.
    “Any way you can get out of it and pay me a visit?”
    “Not tonight,” Rudy sternly replied.
    Her car was only a few feet away. Rachel shuffled through her purse for the keys. Her inaccurate fingers slipped and the keys fell onto the hard concrete of the structure. Apparently talking on the phone and taking out keys were too difficult of tasks to be completed simultaneously. She bent down for them. When she got down she discovered her tire had been slashed.
    “What the fuck?” She looked around. No one was there.
    “Don’t get pissed at me. You know how it is.”
    “I’m not talking to you. I gotta call a tow truck. Can I call you back?”
    “Don’t call back. I’ll be with my girl all night.”
    “Whatever,” Rachel said with her infamous bitch-face. She hung up and dialed another number.
    Johnny stepped out from behind one of the pillars. Ever so gently, as not to make a sound, he came closer from behind. Step-by-step he closed in on his prey. Feeling Johnny’s eyes on her, Rachel turned and screamed.
    Seeing that it was only a little nerd and not some raving psychopath, Rachel let out a sigh of relief.
    “You scared the living shit outta me!”
    Johnny didn’t respond. All he did was study her movements. He focused on the task at hand. Rachel misunderstood Johnny’s silence with shyness. She thought that this was her lucky break. She could manipulate this little nerd into giving her a ride home. Why not? She was sure she had absolute control over anything with a penis. If her plan succeeded she wouldn’t have to pay for a tow truck.
    “Hey, can you give me a ride?” she asked in a manipulative tone with eyes fluttering.
    Johnny looked down at the cell phone in her hand. He saw that the phone call was still pending. He quickly slapped the small device out of her hand. The screen went black as the phone hit the cold concrete.
    “What the fuck?” Rachel didn’t understand what was going on. How could someone this pathetic resist her? No man has ever refused this modern succubus. Rachel took a step back and took in the whole picture. She finally saw the hungry pocketknife wielded in Johnny’s hand. She glanced back over to her tires. As slow as she was, she still could put the two-and-two together. She backed away slowly as Johnny kept approaching.
    Johnny came towards her with his eyes locked onto hers. Rachel could feel his ravenous contempt wanting to take a piece of her. He meant business. She needed some kind of diversion to buy her some time to flee. She made a fist with the keys in her grasp. She lunged forward and caught Johnny off guard. With a quick slash, copper etchings carved into the smooth flesh of Johnny’s face. Johnny whelped out loud in pain and held onto his bleeding cheek. Rachel used this time efficiently by turning and running at full speed.
    Johnny held onto his wounds with both hands. He felt the torn flesh hot with blood. His anger intensified. He would not be stripped of his prey. Johnny chased Rachel using all of his fury to power him. The adrenaline burned as red-hot blood coursed in his veins. Rachel ran as hard as she could but she had too many physical limitations. She was smaller in stature and wasn’t wearing shoes equipped for sprinting. Johnny, the hunter, had all of the advantages. Within a few seconds he caught up to the little mouse. He reached out, grabbed her by the hair, and swung with all of his might. The back of her head slammed hard against the glass of the structure.
    Dazed but still conscious, Rachel began to panic. Johnny pinned her up against the glass.
    “Oh my god! Help! Help!” Rachel screamed.
    Johnny pulled her close to him with the pocketknife pointed to her face. His eyes, full of fury, were streaming with his murderous intent.
    “Please don’t hurt me.” The pleading had officially begun. Watching her induced memories of when Johnny was a child. He remembered the unanswered prayers. Johnny lowered the weapon. Rachel saw her pleas working, so she begged even more.
    “Please don’t hurt me,” she begged with tears flowing. Johnny remembered how he used to beg. Images of the predators in his life manifested themselves to Johnny. He remembered how they ignored all of his entreaties and carried away with his torment. He looked onto Rachel expecting to see the child in her wanting escape, the way he used to be, but when he gazed upon her all he saw was the filth. He saw the too much make up, the highlighted hair, and the bra that squeezed her breasts together. She wasn’t an innocent like he was. She was one of them. She was one of the predators. She was a siren who would lure sailors to their doom in the depths of the ocean.
    “Please don’t . . .” her final plea never escaped her lips. Johnny’s eyes were locked onto hers as she squirmed. He wouldn’t miss a moment of it. She panted with faces of agony. The other side of the glass smeared with blood spilling to the ground. Johnny’s blade wielded hand moved slowly but accurately across her abdomen. Her precious life innards were being carved up like a turkey at a ceremonial feast. Her face lost all of its color and her breaths came in rapid spurts. Johnny’s eyes remained locked onto hers as the remainder of her life slipped away.
    Moments later Johnny was sitting inside of Rachel’s car. He was in the driver’s seat searching through her phone’s directory. He had a lot of difficulty operating the simple device, being that his whole entire body was slippery with blood. The remains of Rachel’s were slumped in the passenger seat. A long and gruesome trail of blood led from the point of her demise to where she lied. It was ironic that if she had just gotten into the car, locked the doors, and used the cell phone to call for help she would still be alive. Instead, both she and her murderer were in the car together, while he operated the device that could have saved her, and she lied there completely dead.
     Johnny wiped his hand on the clean part of his shirt and finally got enough grip to turn the device on. With dry fingers, he easily searched through the menu commands and looked up the last numbers dialed on her phone. The last one was some towing company. That wasn’t what he was searching for. He pressed the up button. A little screen popped up saying Rudy with a heart next to it. He hit the 'option’ command and found the address on the tiny-lit LCD screen. A maniacal grin grew across his mad countenance.

VI.
    The apartment complex that Rudy and Dreamgirl lived in wasn’t your average college dwelling. It was a large luxury apartment with a full sized kitchen and patio. Most college students found themselves scraping by in the slums to survive, but not Rudy. His parents had paid for his apartment and his athletic scholarship paid for his tuition and expenses. Life can be nice when you have a full ride.
    Rudy and Dreamgirl were on the couch watching a slasher movie. Dreamgirl was appalled by the amount of gratuitous sex and violence in the film. Rudy, on the other hand, completely loved the display of fake blood and prosthetic organs. On the screen there was girl with ridiculously huge breasts, being chased by a mask madman, armed with a never-ending arsenal of gardening tools. Suddenly Rudy’s cell phone rang out loud startling both of them.
    “Who is it?” Dreamgirl inquired. Rudy looked at the screen and saw Rachel’s number. The screen read 'Rachel’ with a pornographic image next to it.
    “Sorry, babe. I gotta take this,” Rudy answered. He got up and walked a safe enough distance away so Dreamgirl couldn’t hear him. Annoyance filled his voice as he answered the phone, “I thought I told you not to call me back.”
    “Tell her about the other girl,” the malicious voice demanded.
    Shocked, Rudy responded, “What? Who the hell is this?”
    “I said tell her. This is your last chance.” This was the final warning.
    “I don’t know who you are but I’m gonna fuck you up.” The fear and worry was eminent in Rudy’s tone. The line went dead.
    As Rudy paced back over to the couch, Dreamgirl could see the worry painted all over his countenance.
    “Who was it?” she asked.
    “Um . . . it’s one of my friends. He said his car broke down and needs a jump.” His words were sparse. To anyone who wasn’t as trusting, that would have been obvious sign of a liar.
    “Are you serious? What do you expect me to do?”
    “Just stay here, babe. It can’t take too long.”
    Dreamgirl nodded and Rudy grabbed his jacket and made his way to the door. As the door opened, a figure revealed itself from behind the threshold. The aperture was dark, but not dark enough to make the deep red blood no longer visible. Johnny, silent but waiting to explode in fury, stood there like a sentinel of death.
    “What the fuck?” Those were Rudy’s brilliant and equally meaningful last words. Within a split second Johnny’s hand whipped through the air. Rudy held onto his throat to stop the blood from flowing out of the open torrent. His vision became hazy but he could still see the glint from the blade Johnny carried underhand. Rudy turned around to Dreamgirl and fell face forward. He crawled towards her as the vital life fluid spilled from his second smile. Dreamgirl screamed and ran into the hall.
    “Wait! Don’t go!” Johnny pleaded.
    The panic and adrenaline coursing through Dreamgirl’s veins made her loose control of her body. All she wanted to do was escape, but escape doesn’t work so well when one isn’t thinking straight and fails to conceive his or her surroundings. A contusion in the rug caught her toes and the top of her foot, causing her to fall and hit her head onto the wooden base of the couch. Everything went black.
    When Dreamgirl awoke, she came to the realization that her arms and legs have been bound. A series of clumsily strewn rope coiled around her to a semen-stained mattress. The room was dark and musty. She was dripping with what she prayed was only sweat. The air was thick and smelled putrid, causing her to swallow back her reflex to vomit. She did not know where she was. She did not know why she was there. All she knew was this was a place she didn’t want to be. The blankets draped over the windows kept out the warmth of the sun.
    “Where am I?” Her head was still woozy from the harsh blow it had taken.
    She fully opened her eyes and found Johnny worshiping her from his chair.
    “Let me out of here! Someone please help! Help! Help!” The sense of panic and instinctual fear came back to her.
    Johnny rushed to her with his finger to her lips. “Shhh. Shhh. Don’t scream. I’m not gonna hurt you. Please don’t scream.”
    “What do you want from me?” Fear painted her face.
    “I want us to be together. I want us to be one. I want to make you happy.” The words came with genuine sincerity.
    “Why?’
    “Because you love me.” The words coming from Johnny’s own lips summoned tears.
    “What? I don’t love you. I don’t even know you. Why would I love you?”
    Johnny became confused. He remembered the day they were at the picnic together. Where he had fed her strawberries. When she told him the three words no one has ever uttered to him, I love you.
    “You love me. You told me you love me.” The desperation in his tone was evident.
    “No I didn’t. I don’t love you! I love my boyfriend.” The hard blow to her head had shaken memories right before the impact. She shook her head from side-to-side searching for her lover. “Where is he? Did you do something to my . . .”
    “He was an obstacle. He had to be removed. Your slut friend was in the way too. She’s gone. We can be together now.” Johnny tried his best to make her understand with the least words possible. Dreamgirl looked into his eyes. Johnny felt joy because finally someone saw things the way he had seen them. Slowly tears began to flow from Dreamgirl’s delicate eyes.
    “We’re gonna be happy! There’s nothing in the way! You’re free!” Mistaking her tears as tears of joy, Johnny let out his victory cry. This was the greatest moment in his life, but this victory would be very short lived.
    “You killed the two people I love most in my life and I’m free?” The agony she showed on her face could not be mistaken as anything else, no matter how na�ve the spectator. She cried with such angst and fury. The words came with much difficulty, but nothing could hold them back. She would let them out if they were the last words she would speak. “I don’t love you. I fucking hate you!”
    Johnny couldn’t understand what was happening. He was in complete disbelief. Dreamgirl made it so he understood crystal clear. She stared into his eyes with the full fury of a broken heart and yelled, “I fucking hate you!”
    After her catharsis, she resumed her mourning. She put her beautiful face to her shoulder and sobbed. Johnny felt his mind giving. After all these years of agony and torment he thought he had finally found love. She was supposed to love him. She was his destiny. Why else would he have mysteriously received her picture? She was supposed to be his, but she was before him denying his love.
    He grasped his head with both hands and began crying out loud. The tormented child inside of him was set free. He fell to the ground and writhed all over it like he was being scourged to death. He had known the polar opposite of love his entire life and thought that this was finally his turn, but he was wrong. He had been lying to himself the entire time, and now he knew it.
    Johnny found the way back to his feet and screamed into Dreamgirl’s face, “You hate me? I killed them! I did it for you! I did it for us!”
    He bellowed with all his might and pain. If heaven and hell existed, both of them would tremble by the sounds of his agony.
    “I did it for us!”
    Dreamgirl cried even harder. Johnny breathed in and tried to regain his composure. He had already done the deeds. There was no turning back. Rudy and Rachel were dead. He was a murderer and a kidnapper as well. There was only one thing left to do.
    “You’re right. You’re right.” These were the words of a broken man.
    “Are you going to set me free?” She felt a sense of relief. Had he truly regained his senses? Will she step back into the warm nurturing sunlight that awaited her outside of these cold walls?
    Then the cold reply, “No.”
    “What?” She didn’t understand what was happening.
    Johnny reached back and grabbed the model knife off of his desk. Tears flooded his eyes. He really didn’t want to perform the next task, but it had to be done. He mounted on top of Dreamgirl and held her head still with his left hand. She screamed for her life but no one came to her aid.
    “Noooooo! Someone please help me! Help!” The walls shook with her final pleas.
    Too emotional to stop himself from shaking, Johnny started slashing whatever was before him. The blade met flesh and gave birth to blood. Pain was very much alive inside of Johnny’s little dorm room. He looked down at her wiggling trying to escape.
    “I’m sorry,” he said.
    Johnny cried and kept on cutting. The noises she was making were the most horrible sounds he ever heard. Even in his darkest nightmares he had never heard the sounds that were now echoing his room, but he kept on slicing. Dreamgirl, face cut up beyond all recognition, finally got a lucky break. Johnny’s frantic slashes finally opened her throat. She was going to die soon, and no longer had to suffer at the hands of this creation of man, this child of society.
    “I love you! I love you so much! I love you!” Johnny repeated the words as he faced up. Tears were streaming down from his eyes to his neck and chest. Dreamgirl lied lifeless under him, but he couldn’t stop cutting. He just kept swiping the blade through flesh as blood sprayed and splashed onto his face. When he looked back down there was no Dreamgirl underneath him. The blood was coming from him slashing up his own arm.
    Suddenly the door was kicked open. Two bulking police officers rushed into the room and tackled Johnny down. One officer pried the little knife from Johnny’s fingers and tossed it across the room. Paramedics burst in and began keeping pressure on Johnny’s slashed arteries. One paramedic tried to communicate with Johnny to keep him from going into shock. Johnny just kept on screaming the same three words over-and-over again until his consciousness gave way. I love you.

VII.
    Students from all over the campus came to see what was the commotion. The flashing lights of the ambulance and police units drew much attention. Their morbid curiosity got the best of them and they needed to know the matter of the situation. Daniel, completely shaken by the current events, stood in front of the dorm building. Students everywhere gathered around to watch the scene unfold. Rudy and Rachel saw Daniel in the crowd and ran up to him.
    “Hey, Daniel! What the hell happened?” Rudy asked his pale friend.
    It took Daniel a lot of effort to muster enough strength to try to speak, but somewhere he found that strength. “I dunno. He locked himself up in his room. He didn’t even answer when I knocked on his door.”
    Rudy envisioned a glassy-eyed Johnny staring at his computer screen in the dark, completely oblivious to the sounds of Daniel pounding on the door.
    Daniel began to cry. Rudy motioned him it was fine to stop, but he continued. The torrent could not be stopped.
    “He fucking locked himself in his room for a week, man!”
    “Dude, you don’t have to . . .”
    “I called the cops when I heard him screaming crazy shit!” Daniel’s cried into his hands.
    The paramedics came through the entrance and pushed students out of their way. They carried Johnny off in a stretcher. Johnny was white with eyes completely somewhere else. Johnny’s mind was still in another world. A nightmare world he had created for himself. The very sight of the psychotic youth horrified the students. The paramedics lifted him up into the ambulance. Rudy could hear Johnny repeating to himself over-and-over, “I love you.”
    The campus was a scene of absolute commotion. The only place that had any peace and quiet was Johnny’s little room. Johnny’s room was a place of absolute tranquility. The room was still dark due to the blanket drapes. The blood that seeped into the dirty mattress was still warm and red. The wallpaper that Johnny had loaded was still on his computer screen. It was filled with random pictures of the inside his room. No Perfect Girl could be found anywhere on his monitor, but just a little below it was the picture of the girl he had received in the mail. And beside the picture was the unread letter.

Dear Johnny,

    I’ve been the social worker on your case since you were born. For reasons outside of my control you have lived a very hard life, but I hope this picture gives you some sort of closure. She requested I give this to you when you turned eighteen. Johnny, this is your biological mother.

Anne Sullivan
Department of Child Services
Riverside, CA

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This appears in a pre-2010 issue of Down in the Dirt magazine. Saddle-stitched issues are no longer printed, but you can requesting it “re-released” through amazon sale as a 6" x 9" ISBN# book! Email us for re-release to order.

This appears in a pre-2010 issue
of Down in the Dirt magazine.
Saddle-stitched issues are no longer
printed, but you can requesting it
“re-released” through amazon sale
as a 6" x 9" ISBN# book!
Email us for re-release to order.