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Raven

Bill Tope

Raven was a girl of fourteen, but
She looked like a young woman
Of twenty. She was tall for her age
And pretty as a vision. She wasn’t
Burdened with baby fat, nor was
She a teenaged stick figure; she was
Decidedly shapely. And naturally
She drew the attention of the opposite
Sex. But she gave short shrift to the
Boys her age, most of whom were
Shorter than she.

And so it had been for her whole
Life, with biology obtruding on
Human nature. All her friends were
Older, as well, and Raven struggled
To keep pace with their rapidly
Developing tastes and attitudes.
Sometimes she wasn’t able to do it.

Raven wore no makeup, for hers
Was a natural beauty; her grand-
Mother, with whom she lived,
Would never have allowed her to
Paint her face or darken her brows
Or extend her lashes, as any real
20-year old might choose to do.

Raven had a boyfriend, unknown
To anyone at her school. 17-year old
Tad was a senior to Raven’s freshman
Status, but he attended the high school
Across town, so their secret was
Safe for now. Only his friends knew
About them. And Raven paid for the
Prestige of dating a senior by stroking
His large ego and doing whatever Tad
Told her to do. And that including
Having sex with him.

Which was a little weird, in that she
Didn’t love Tad and in her heart
She felt that sex was something you
Did for love. Tad was merely an
Expedient: she got to hang with
The older kids and that was somehow
Important to her.

Whenever she was out with Tad,
She covered by enlisting friends who
Vouched for her presence at various
School events or group dates. She
Hated lying to her Grandmother but
That, too, was part of the price she
Had to pay.

Lately she had been questioning why
Being with older kids was so important,
Particularly since Tad had begun asking
Her to have sex with some of his friends
From school, especially members of the
Varsity tennis team, of which he was
Captain.

And some of the team members weren’t
As gentle or as loving as Tad had been,
At least at the beginning. They called
Her “slut” and other names and seemed
To enjoy manhandling her. Tad said he
Was proud of her beauty and that he
Wanted to share her with his “buds.”
But Raven found it disquieting.

And lately, they had all become involved
With drugs. Raven was used to the alcohol,
Which she hated, and which she masked
With breath mints before going home to
Grandma. To her it tasted like medicine.
But pot was something worse. So she finessed
It. Raven coughed so much whenever she
Took a hit that the boys had stopped trying to
Coax her into sharing a joint. It was “bad
Karma,” they said and let her be.

But last night someone had brought some
Needles and a white powder that Raven
Suspected was heroin. “Let’s get the chick
Loaded and then she can do all of us,”
Someone had said, but Tad had stepped to
Her defense that time. But what if next time
He didn’t? She didn’t really trust his
Judgement anymore. Plus she didn’t mean
Anything to the other boys.

And she didn’t want to do hard drugs.
They were dangerous. And illegal. She’d
Watched while two of his friends had melted
The heroin down in a teaspoon, drawn it into
The syringe and then injected it into their
Arms. They had both gotten violently ill and
Then just sort of swooned and passed out.
Raven could still smell the vomit and see
The drool spilling from their lips.

And now, dressing for school, Raven
Considered her situation: Tad, the lying,
The drugs, the meaningless sex. Tad had
Always made sure he used a condom,
But the other boys sometimes didn’t
Bother. “You’re too young to get pregnant,”
Tad had assured her, but she suspected that
Wasn’t true. Her friend Jeanine had had
A baby at fifteen, and that wasn’t that
Different.

Yes, Raven decided, there would
Have to be some changes made in her life.
The older kids—especially the boys—weren’t
All that much cooler, more sophisticated than
Kids her age. Their way of living was just
More...risky, she decided. And she’d taken
Enough risks to last a lifetime.

This morning Raven’s grandmother had
Told her, “In three weeks, Raven, you’ll
Be fifteen.” Raven had nodded. “And
Do you remember what I said you could
Do at fifteen?” Raven’s brows knit
Together. She shook her head no. “I
Told you that you could start dating!”

Raven heaved a sigh. “That’s right,
You said that,” she replied. “Well, you
Don’t seem very excited about it; how
Come?” Raven shrugged her shoulders.
“I don’t know, Grandma, I think that
Maybe dating’s overrated.”

“What do you mean?” asked Grandma.
“Well, the girls who have a boyfriend
Just don’t seem any happier than girls
Who don’t have someone.” “Well,”
Said the old woman, “You have all your
Life to figure that one out. You don’t
Ever have to date just one boy. You’re
A free agent.” Raven nodded.

And remember, Raven, what I always told
You about boys?” Raven looked at her
Blankly. “I said,” Grandma went on, “That
If a boy asks you to do something that
makes you uncomfortable, or that you’re
Not ready for, then he’s probably not
The right boy for you!” “Grandma,” said
Raven vehemently, her face grave, “you
Were so right about that!” Grandma
Narrowed her eyes and glanced shrewdly
At her granddaughter but said nothing.

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