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The Plumber’s Status

Anita G. Gorman

    Archibald Franklin Loomis was a plumber. He made a good living. People always needed plumbers and were willing to pay whatever he charged so they could once again use the toilet or the sink or stop hearing the drip, drip, drip of whatever was leaking.
    At the moment he had an apprentice, a young woman who had graduated from college with a major in communications or sociology or something, and who couldn’t get the kind of job she wanted, or, if truth be told, any job at all.
    Archie was happy to mentor Susannah Webster when she showed up one day and was willing to pay the necessary fees to learn the secrets of drains. However, there was one thing that bothered her.
    Susannah decided to speak up on a Monday morning when the two of them, master and apprentice, were working on a particularly nasty toilet.
    “Mr. Loomis, I like the idea of being a plumber and having a steady job that pays well. But there is something that bothers me, something that may keep me from being a plumber.”
    “And that would be”
    “Sorry to even bring this up since you’re a plumber. But it seems to me that plumbers don’t have much status in our society. You see, my father is a lawyer, and my mother is a college professor. My older brother is a physician. I haven’t told them that I’m learning how to be a plumber. I’m afraid to tell them.”
    Archie looked perplexed. “Well, Ms. Webster, I don’t know what kind of society you’ve been in. Correction: I do know what kind of society you’ve been in, and it’s a society where certain degrees—PhD, MD, whatever—are prized. Well, you already have a college degree. Isn’t that enough?”
    “I don’t want to insult you, Mr. Loomis.”
    “Call me Archie, if I can call you Susannah.”
    “Sure. I don’t want to insult you, Archie, but people who work with their hands just aren’t respected as much as people that work in offices.”
    “But the people who work in offices wouldn’t be working in their fancy offices without the help of builders and bricklayers and, of course, plumbers. Hand me that plunger.”
    “I feel bad telling you this. I just don’t know what to do.”
    “Why don’t you use those four years of college to come up with an idea for how you can be a plumber and still have, what did you call it? Status.”
    Susannah was now mopping the bathroom floor and cleaning the sink. Archie liked to leave the premises cleaner than when they arrived. That wasn’t too hard, thought Susannah. People with plumbing problems were usually in the middle of a mess.
    “Too bad there isn’t a doctorate in plumbing.”
    “Brilliant!”
    “What do you mean, brilliant?”
    “Tell your parents and your brother that you’re working on a doctorate in plumbing.”
    “Archie, I just said there’s no such thing.”
    “I have a brother who owns his own printing business. I’m sure he could create a diploma for you that said Susannah Webster, PlD. Doctor of Plumbing.”
    “And which university would be issuing the diploma? Harvard? Yale? Stanford?”
    “The University of American Plumbers.”
    “Is there such a thing?”
    “Well, I wouldn’t want to use the real name of a university or a plumbers’ association. That might get me—and you—in trouble. So when you’re done being an apprentice and fully licensed you can also pretend to be Dr. Webster.”
    Susannah started to laugh. “Archie, that’s too funny. Listen. I’m just going to tell my family what I’m planning to do, to be. I’m an adult. I can do what I want.”
    The next time her family assembled for dinner, Susannah was there. In the middle of dessert, a fine cheesecake, she said, “Mom, Dad, Scotty, I have something to tell you.”
    Mom, Dad, and Scotty all looked worried. Their forks were poised in the air. “Yes, dear, what is it?”
    “Mom, I want to do something useful for our world. At the same time I want to have a job that pays well and is a steady job, one that I won’t lose when the economy goes south.”
    “And what sort of job would that be, Susannah?” Her father also looked worried.
    “I’ve signed on to an apprenticeship with a plumber. I am planning, hoping to be a plumber.”
    There was silence. Then Scotty spoke up. “Plumbers are not a drain on society. They keep things moving, so to speak. Well done, Susannah.”
    Her mother smiled at her. “That’s a relief. I thought that perhaps you had resurrected your childhood idea of being a trapeze artist.”
    Her father added, “Plumbing is an essential and useful occupation. Too bad they don’t give doctorates in plumbing. That might impress our friends at the country club.”
    “Archie, my boss, said his brother could make me a certificate saying that I was a PlD. A doctor of plumbing.”
    “Perfect,” said her father, as they all returned to their cheesecake.

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