---

 

This writing was accepted for publication in the 108 page perfect-bound ISSN# / ISBN# issue/book “Lifeboat” Down in the Dirt, v190 (the 12/21 Issue) Order the paperback book:

Order this writing that appears in the one-of-a-kind anthology Stardust in Hand the Down in the Dirt Sept.-Dec. 2021 issues collection book		get the 422 page Sept.-Dec. 2021 Down in the Dirt 6" x 9" ISBN# paperback book:

Auricular Versus Ocular

Conjeevaram J Nandakumar

    Sardar Manjit Singh, the general secretary and correspondent of an educational society named after the founder of Sikhism, was growing very impatient and kept on perpetually knocking on his knuckles and constantly murmuring ‘‘I suppose none of it has happened’’, like an insane person with his head sunk upon his bosom. His wife, the principal of the same educational society sat beside him with affected composure and lingering irritability that appeared to have found an enduring resting place on her face. Both of them were waiting at the outward room of an ophthalmologist and eagerly waiting for their turn to be called upon.
    Manjit Singh’s phone buzzed. He peered at the number. It was from his secretary. He attached the phone to his ear and said, ‘well’, speaking with great precision, and in a low tone of a man who communicates an important secret, ‘What’s the matter?’
    ‘Where are you sir?’
    ‘I am at the ophthalmologist clinic’.
    ‘Is your wife with you?’
    ‘Yes.’
    ‘Great snakes! You and your wife are supposed to have an appointment with the audiologist not the ophthalmologist. Don’t you remember you asked me to fix an appointment and place an order for the imported hearing aid and have it delivered at my place for gift wrapping, which I did and gave it to you yesterday?’
    ‘Yes, Yes, I do. Don’t stand there bleating like a sheep. You come here at once and I’ll explain.’
    ‘Ok sir,’ said the secretary whose intellects were hopelessly confused by this extraordinary conversation.
    By then as their turn arrived they were called in. The doctor asked the patient to sit in front of the opthalmometer to check his cornea. Manjit Singh’s wife wisely apprehending the obstruction of his turban and asked him to remove it. The doctor carried on with his routine check-up while his wife stood bereft of animation for a prolonged time and suddenly as if she regained her senses said wildly and furiously, ‘Doctor, prescribe him a glass double the power of his vision.’
    The doctor resolutely declined her suggestion and said, ‘No, no, we can only recommend glasses according to his acuity of vision.’
    After half an hour, Manjit Singh came out, so brilliantly transformed into a double thick glass, that his wife was obliged to walk around him holding his arm in ecstatic admiration. They were advised by the doctor to rest a while till the patient gets accustomed to the new pair of glasses. They were hardly settled down in their seats. Just then the secretary hurried into the room and was greatly perplexed by the curious and unexpected appearance of his boss; she could scarcely forbear smiling, but managed to preserve his gravity upon seeing his wife and said, ‘Quite glad to see you madam.’
    He turned around to Manjit Singh and made a stiff inclination of the head gesturing him to come aside to talk, to which the later picked up the cue and obliged and retired a few paces apart from the bystanders. The secretary, after confirming that he was pretty much out of the earshot of the principal, said, ‘Sir Do you remember confiding me that you wanted to give a surprise gift to your wife with a hearing aid to relieve her from her trouble of hard of hearing?
    ‘Yes, I do remember.
    ‘And didn’t you say that you wanted to consult the audiologist alone first to diagnose her problems?’
    ‘Yes of course I did.’
    ‘And what did the doctor suggest to you?
    ‘He said that there is a simple way to evaluate the sensitivity of a person’s sense of hearing without putting her under audiometer testing.’
    ‘How?’
    ‘He instructed me to first get three metres behind the patient without her knowledge and to call her by her name to check whether she responds to it, if not continue the testing by gradually reducing the distance to two and then finally to one meter.’
    ‘Oh great, then what happened sir?’
    ‘With that encouraging information I decided to put her on test right at the school hour itself by making a surprise visit to her chamber when she was alone.’
    ‘Wise decision sir.’
    ‘It was a long time since I had personally visited the administration corridor and there were quite a lot of changes in shuffling of the departments. I saw the name board ‘principal’ and slowly opened the door without drawing her attention.’
    ‘Right move sir, then what happened?’ asked the secretary inquisitively and persistently.
    Manjit Singh became concerned. He was still not sure how he liked the idea of anyone sharing his own sacred secret of becoming an object of ridicule, but his secretary was so obviously friendly and thought that perhaps in this case one could stretch a point and continued further.
    ‘No’ he continued thoughtfully,
    ‘I shouldn’t believe it myself if anybody told it to me, but it’s a fact.’
    The secretary apparently grew more curious and prying and asked,
    ‘What happened sir? Did you complete the test?
    ‘When I opened the door quietly and peeped in I saw my wife snooping over a file cabinet with her back tuned against me searching for some papers. I called her name. There was no response from her’
    ‘Yes, then?
    ‘I entered further inside measuring my steps and stood roughly two meters behind and called her name.’
    ‘Then sir.’
    ‘She didn’t even raise her head.’
    ‘Oh.’
    ‘I covered the final one meter distance and called loudly at her. This time she did raise her head clutching a file, but did not turn towards me.’
    ‘Oh my God.’
    ‘I thought it was useless to call and ventured further inside to give a surprise shock and stood right behind her closing her eyes with my left hand and thrust the gift into her hand with my right hand.’
    The secretary became extremely impertinent and couldn’t contain his excitement.
    ‘Very well. What was her reaction to that sir? I presume she must have been terrifically happy.’
    Manjit Singh heaved a deep sigh and shook his head despondingly, looking at his secretary’s eyes and said,
    ‘Fate had put me in a tight spot. I have become, as so many a innocent man has become, a victim of circumstantial evidence.’
    ‘What has happened sir?
    Manjit Singh stopped and gazed on his secretary and said,
    ‘The room I entered was the vice principal’s chamber. The woman to whom I thrust the gift was a deaf and dumb maid appointed by the vice principal for the menial jobs who is stone deaf and worse than my wife’s condition.’
    The secretary burst into an uncontrollable fit of laughter, not considering the fact to what jeopardy he might be landing in for that action, attracted the attention of entire gathering and said, ‘So, instead of you giving a gift to your wife, your wife has given a surprise gift to you, a nice switch and swap game played by both of you and you ended up with a pair of brand new spectacles.’

Copyright of written pieces remain with the author, who has allowed it to be shown through Scars Publications and Design.Web site © Scars Publications and Design. All rights reserved. No material may be reprinted without express permission from the author.

Problems with this page? Then deal with it...