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Uriel Fox and His Mysterious Quest

John Zurn

    Uriel Fox traveled through the world for many years, yet he remained disappointed and dissatisfied. Somewhere hidden in the labyrinth of his thoughts, he believed that his unique kind of service and compassion should have affected him more deeply. He had hoped this sense of usefulness would have provided him with a specific direction for his life. Until now, this yearning for something important had remained unfilled. In his mind, Uriel could discern a fervent need to discover something significant that never allowed him to rest for long. This mostly unconscious aspiration drove him to continually seek out the unknown. He still couldn’t verbalize what he was searching for, but he recognized it must be vital.
    Uriel decided to resume his search far away from his own territory and headed for a steep mountain range called the Clarity Mountains. Long ago these mountains had been identified as extraordinarily quiet, and they were said to expose the senses to a silent harmony. Uriel Fox felt hopeful, one week later, as he finally approached the massive peaks, believing he could finally obtain answers.
    Ironically, just as Uriel reached the Clarity Mountain foothills, a young well-dressed man named Richman appeared. He seemed to be filled with enthusiasm and self-confidence. Richman walked up to Uriel and asked rather bluntly, “I’m climbing the mountain. Shall we climb together?”
    Uriel’s experience traveling with others in the past had been problematic; however, Richman appeared to be intelligent and fit. Another climber might also make the ascent easier. Nevertheless, the young man could also be a talker or a braggart who would make the hike up the mountain tedious. “All right,” Uriel replied. “But I’m not much of a conversationalist.”
    “That’s okay,” Richman replied crisply. “I can talk enough for both of us.”
    With this cryptic comment, both men began hiking the challenging mount Clarity above the tree line. It became evident that Richman possessed the most expensive equipment and stylish clothes, and even though he was short in stature, his pride made him appear much taller. Despite this appearance, however, Richman wasn’t as good a climber as he suggested. Richman stopped repeatedly and covered his lack of ability with autobiographical information. “My family has lived in these mountains for generations,” he began. “We own a legal firm in the city, but we spend much of the year in our summer home down by the lake.”
    “If you are so busy,” Uriel interrupted, “Then why do you waste your time climbing Mount Clarity?”
    “You’re mistaken,” Richman replied abruptly. “We are climbing Mount Richman which was named after my great grandfather. Technically, you’re trespassing.”
    Uriel now realized the expedition with Richman would have complications. “How can you own the entire mountain?”
    “Okay,” Richman replied. “We don’t actually own the whole mountain, only to the tree line where we met a few hours ago.”
    Uriel glanced down as his own shabby clothes and his worn out shoes. Then he remembered his long unkempt hair and momentarily lost his confidence. Then Uriel grew impatient. “Are we ascending this mountain to the top or aren’t we?”
    “To the top?” Richman blurted out. “I’ve never climbed to the peak. Frankly, I have too much to lose if I slip off a cliff. But I’ll climb with you as far as I can.”
    Uriel considered Richman’s comment little consolation since the young arrogant man continued bragging. “You know, Uriel,” Richman continued. “I’m a very successful legal advocate, and I get bored easily, so I climb this mountain to keep my mind sharp and my body in good condition.”
    By then, the mountain cliffs began to look treacherous, and Uriel deliberately climbed faster and higher. As Richman began to fall behind, he exclaimed, “This is as far as I go. My family and associates depend on me to show them how to run things.”
    Uriel gazed down the mountain at the young man who had already nearly disappeared. Now Uriel could finish the ascent and sit on the summit alone. Richman’s discourse quickly dissolved in Uriel’s mind. The young man’s personality seemed oddly similar to many of Uriel’s acquaintances in the past, so it was easy to discount the young man’s hubris.
    Reaching the summit at last, Uriel Fox sat on a lichen covered boulder, cleared his mind, and listened. He did hear the silence and absence of mental struggle. He felt no need for fame, wealth, or even friendship. Nevertheless, in the end, he felt simply nothing. No realization. No vision. He felt the silence of nothing.
    Uriel rested for a long time, feeling betrayed and abandoned. His inner yearning for some mystical revelation had eluded him again. Instead, disappointment gripped him, making Richman’s lifestyle and beliefs seem momentarily plausible and attractive. Uriel stayed on the summit until dawn vowing to never return to Mount Clarity again. The name seemed deceptive to him now.
    Uriel Fox’s incessant inspiration to discover the source of his intuition returned as he endeavored to recover from his despondency. He now felt the need to explore one of the largest caves in the territory. It was said to be so challenging that no one had explored the caverns near the cave floor. Uriel found the underground trail to the mythic cave only two weeks after abandoning Mount Clarity.
    However, just as he began his uneven descent, another explorer caught up with him. Uriel attempted to be polite, but he already sounded annoyed. “My name is Uriel Fox. What are you doing here? Are you exploring the cave?”
    “Yes, my name is Waverly and this is my second attempt to enter the cave. I’ve never even seen the bottom.”
    “I once heard an amazing tale about the cave,” Uriel interrupted. “It is said that if you traverse along the bottom, a seeker may find artifacts that offer clues to an ancient radiance. This light appears to lead to a realm of joy that redefines the world and its purpose.”
    Waverly, who was a nervous person anyway, felt uneasy about Uriel’s unusual assurances. Waverly believed the floor of the cave with its damp limestone walls and utter darkness could be dangerous. Despite Waverly’s trepidation, however, they both grabbed their lanterns and carefully descended into the cave. Waverly’s attitude appeared to be only slightly improved by their smooth advance.
    As they were descending into the narrow cave the walls gradually became more challenging. Several times, Waverly felt the urge to turn back. His doubt and faltering pace combined with his concern about his own ability required him to stop several times. “Are you sure we’ll find the treasure along the base of the cave?” Waverly wanted to know.
    “No,” Uriel replied assertively. “I’m not sure at all. But I must find out the truth and I won’t turn back now.”
    Suddenly Waverly’s lantern malfunctioned and except for Uriel’s dim light, they stood in the dark. Waverly lost his composure, and then he lunged at Uriel’s lantern. However, just before Waverly could snatch it, his own lantern switched back on. Believing his light turning back on was a sign, the timid man hesitated no longer. He quickly turned around and rushed back up to the mouth of the cave without even looking back.
    At last, Uriel realized he could sojourn alone again. He never wanted the faint-hearted Waverly to accompany him, nor did he desire to listen to his constant doubting and complaining. Uriel felt adventurous again. When he finally reached the floor of the cave, he began searching.
    However, he discovered nothing but small pools of stale water and the smell of limestone. Uriel soon knew that he had failed once again. Shutting off his lantern, he sat on the floor in the pitch dark and despaired. He almost hoped the lantern wouldn’t turn back on again, so he could finally end his quest on his own terms.
    Uriel Fox believed that his life was apparently over until suddenly he heard a completely unfamiliar and ethereal voice. This voice spoke to him and echoed throughout the cave: “Go home and continue your search!”
    Uriel initially thought this phenomena might be resonating from somewhere in the cave, and he decided to follow it. But soon he understood the voice was originating from his own mind. Then the idea occurred to him that the gentle command might be the result of his own disappointment and sadness. He wondered if he had actually become unstable in the dark. Nevertheless, for Uriel, the unusual and even the extraordinary weren’t new to him. After hearing the inner voice two additional times, he finally considered the message to be providential and not some invention of his mind.
    Uriel now felt motivated to continue his search, but he didn’t exactly know how to proceed. He had climbed Mount Clarity, and then proceeded down the labyrinth of the esoteric cave. So now it seemed he knew where not to go and even at home he still didn’t know where to search.
    After a while, it occurred to Uriel that formidable and daring tasks were really clichés. He decided to follow the inner advice, so he returned to his cottage in the woods. While he waited for the communication to return, he searched the attic. It was cluttered with maps, trunks, and old photos. Believing he might be inspired by all the unusual people and destinations, Uriel hoped they might help him. However, after several days and nights of intense study, he found only disappointment again.
    Uriel walked out to the front porch and looked up at the cloudy sky. Although he still felt impatient for the return of the voice he had heard in the cave, the clouds appeared peculiar to him. More than just fluffy cumulus clouds, they had shapes and unique forms. There existed a strange creation with tiny angels, elephant altars, and slow moving dragons. Reproductions of famous paintings and sculptures such as God’s finger touching man’s finger and the statue David also appeared. As these famous images passed across the sky, Uriel came to understand that it appeared to be his own mind projecting meaning on to the wondrous clouds.
    Uriel then understood that the truth must be within him. Behind his outer experiences and possibly behind his own mind was the culmination of his quest. In one sense, Uriel understood he had hardly begun to search for the truth. He could only say, “not this, not that.”
    When twilight arrived, Uriel Fox could be seen with his eyes closed sitting on his front porch. Then, every day after that, he sat at the same place and at the same time. His progress remained slow, but he felt confident that he had discovered a unique path. He continued to follow his basic routines that sustained life, but he also kept up with his practice. Despite physical exhaustion and occasional doubts he pushed on. Every day Uriel tried to recreate moments of deep inner peace in order to finally determine what the mystery would reveal.
    A year later, the impossible became possible. Uriel drifted so deeply into the inner nothing that he passed beyond the void. At first, he deeply felt a ringing pitch that held him back, but then Uriel disappeared into the cosmic love and light of infinite intelligence. Within seconds, however, he was back on the front porch. Coughing and choking, attempting to catch his breath, he drank a tumbler of water to steady his nerves.
    Uriel Fox had made a truly spiritual discovery, but it took weeks for him to even begin to understand it. He felt reassured about his ultimate destiny. Yet no one believed Uriel Fox’s experience. His pride and strange claims pushed people away.
    Eventually, Uriel spent months in a sanatorium requiring him to hide his experience so he could be discharged. He also learned to avoid generalizing his spiritual experience into other more mundane situations. For example, light and love could be common words with no supremely important meanings.
    After a number of years, the duplication of the mystical experience proved elusive. Believing light would reappear in moments of desperation, Uriel hoped it would return. But the special visitation never came back. Yet, several times since his original experience, Uriel had been extremely ill and the light didn’t appear even then. It became uncertain if the light would ever return. For Uriel Fox, the most essential question about the light concerned his death. Would the light even return then? Uriel understood he could no longer be certain that it would.
    As the rest of Uriel’s life progressed, he attempted to be a good and compassionate person, wandering through towns in search of those in need. In his heart, he hoped his faith would be enough now. In his mind, however, Uriel felt no such assurance.

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