---

 

This writing was accepted for publication in the 108 page perfect-bound ISSN# / ISBN# issue/book “Impeccable Warriors” Down in the Dirt, v191 (the 1/22 Issue) Order the paperback book:

Order this writing in the book Running Out of Time the 2022 poetry, flash fiction, prose, & art collection anthology		get the one-of-a-kind poetry, flash fiction, prose, artwork & photography collection anthology as a 6" x 9" ISBN# paperback book:

The Day She Disappeared

K. McAllister

    The lavish life she led, the partners she had, and the circumstances of that day. She was my inspiration growing up, an example of beauty and talent. A true Hollywood starlet.
    Until she was a cautionary tale, until I was in the same spot she was and there was a choice to make. Her disappearance became greater than the life she led, and the morbid curiosity out shadowed even the brightest of her roles. Continue the life of fame or follow her to wherever she went that day.
    I used to wake up to her eyes staring back at me, sparkling despite their poster form. Gwen Shirley; the most amazing actress ever. At least if I had anything to say about it. My mother was tired of hearing about her, and my father rolled his eyes whenever I mentioned her name. I couldn’t help it, though- she was my whole world.
    Her posters lined my walls, and the merchandise I had collected over the years had accumulated into what could only be called a dragon’s hoard. It didn’t matter to me though, the line between obsession and fandom grew bleary, but I was never concerned. Gwen Shirley was my idol. I was going to be an actress just like her.
    The third day of filming for my first movie role is when the news hit. It was a small indie film, barely enough budget to pay for the CGI. Still, though, it was a step in the right direction. A step closer to meeting Gwen. That is, until the news broke. I could almost smell the smoke of the lead’s cigarette and the exact chair I was sitting in when it happened.
    There had been a car accident. Her most recent partner, her bodyguard, and the driver were found dead at the scene. Gwen Shirley was nowhere to be found. Nobody, only her car and her people, were found at the crime scene. A single handkerchief with her initials and a small dab of blood were found in her place.
    I was devastated. Gwen had been in the news a lot recently, the paparazzi hounding her for information on her recent movie’s failure, her divorce, and the allegations that she cheated on her husband. It couldn’t be true though, I knew Gwen like she was my own friend. She couldn’t possibly do the things she was accused of. The movie wasn’t even that bad.
    Soon, everyone was talking about her. Even my parents, who had been so sick and tired of hearing of her, had brought up conversation about her disappearance. It was awful to see all the criticism turn to condolences about her. They didn’t even care, that was evident enough to see.
    Then came the theories. She was abducted by aliens, or she caused the wreck and went into hiding. Everyone had their own opinions. The police were not much closer to finding her. She had simply... vanished.
    Days turned to months and months turned to years, and I was on top of the world. That small movie had only been the beginning. I starred in countless more until I was the lead opposite to some of the best stars in Hollywood. It was everything I had ever worked towards.
    Somehow it wasn’t like I imagined. Nobody ever warns you of just how many things change when you reach the top. Rolling eyes became nodding heads and quickly snapped photographs.
    Then there was the pressure. Overwhelming mounting pressure to look your best, but still be humble. Never freak out and always be on your best behavior; the people you pay to work for you demand it. You work harder than anybody else because there is always someone younger and more talented to take your place. It’s exhausting.
    It is what I asked for, though, years of hounding my parents to take me to auditions and countless hours of lessons. All to be like her; a ghost, a legend, and a cautionary tale. For some reason, it’s lonelier than I imagined.
    Later, much later, when the laugh lines had started to come in and the roles started to fade, I started to think about how she disappeared. At the time, I had been devastated, but now I understood the appeal. It seems every day the line between privacy and public is blurred further.
    I no longer know what belongs to me and what belongs to the public. The life I had idolized, while it had it’s been perks, never turned out to be as amazing as the legend of Gwen Shirley led me to believe.
    The intoxication of fame only lasted for so long and while the managers and the lovers could leave, I was still left in the same spot. Somehow worse with each person leaving that ever turning revolving door. All that time worried about weight, beauty, and how the public saw me finally wore on me.
    These old bones can’t keep up anymore, and the dreams of my youth seem so far away now. Part of me wishes I could do it all over again, to remind my younger self that Gwen was only a person. That idolizing her made everything so much worse.
    I placed a woman I had never met over my own life. Perhaps the biggest irony is that I was as big a part of the system that ruined Gwen Shirley in the first place. How it took me years to realize that obsession, whether innocent or not, doesn’t matter, but rather a contribution to an endless system.
    Whether someone takes me seriously is no longer my responsibility. I hope that my words reach someone’s ears, but how can I hope for that when the original tale did not reach mine. Maybe it will be different, maybe the story will end differently on this day. At least by the day I disappear.

Copyright of written pieces remain with the author, who has allowed it to be shown through Scars Publications and Design.Web site © Scars Publications and Design. All rights reserved. No material may be reprinted without express permission from the author.

Problems with this page? Then deal with it...