---

 

This writing was accepted for publication in the 108 page perfect-bound ISSN# / ISBN# issue/book “And I Disappear” Down in the Dirt, v192 (the 2/22 Issue) Order the paperback book:

Order this writing that appears in the one-of-a-kind anthology The Ice that Was the Down in the Dirt Jan.-April 2022 issues collection book		get the 420 page Jan.-April 2022 Down in the Dirt 6" x 9" ISBN# perfect-bound paperback book:

This Is Me

Travis Green

It’s something about seeing
A strong, stout-hearted man
That tremendously turns me on
I have heard that it’s immoral
To fantasize about men
To be with them and build
A sweet and loving family
Many would say it’s unprincipled
For the gay community to join in matrimony

To wed means that a man
And woman comes together
To fuse a bond that should last
Forever as the love they carry
In their hearts for each other
I am an unchained soul
Living in my truthfulness
Believing contrastingly from others
I presume that all LGBTQ beings
Should have the right to become
Espoused and cherish the affection
They have for another everlastingly

I have tried in the past to walk
Away from everything that
Consisted of being a homosexual
I thought people would love me
Better if I conformed to the norm
And lived their way, but it was
Much harder than I believed
Attempting to expunge
That part within me that
Enormously poisoned my core
Telling myself that it was
All a phase and in time
I would be back to my authentic self

But it was challenging
To not think about men
How they moved me
Incomparably into dreamworlds
Than the world of women
Still, I attempted to let it all go
And live a life without
My gay counterpart
It was in the weeks to come
That I saw myself falling
A thousand depths below ground
It was earth-shattering
Breaking me apart, piece by piece
Seeing gorgeous men every day
And walking in a different direction
To avoid gazing their way

I was losing myself
In trying to be what others
Wanted from me
Wanting to have friends in my life
Than to watch them walk out on me
They told me I was doing
The right thing by leaving
It all behind, that in time
It would be nothing but
A faraway remembrance
That would no longer
Have power over me

In those days, I was more
Brokenhearted than ever
Walking through life
As a shadowed soul
With no glowing light in sight
On the inside, I felt like
I was declining, divided
From society, not comprehending
What anything meant around me
Who I wanted to be was something
That I knew many others would detest
Before I became enlightened
I was searching for validation
From the world to aid me
In surviving another day

It took a while for me to see
That it’s far greater to be
Your true unapologetic self
Than what society wants you to be
You will only end up destroying yourself
When you stay hidden from
Your authentic existence
It doesn’t matter if people
Love you or not, you must
Love yourself wholeheartedly
It doesn’t make you stronger
When you are following a norm
It only weakens you more
When you choose to hide
Your certified identity
And lock it behind closed doors

Copyright of written pieces remain with the author, who has allowed it to be shown through Scars Publications and Design.Web site © Scars Publications and Design. All rights reserved. No material may be reprinted without express permission from the author.

Problems with this page? Then deal with it...