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You Deserve to Suffer

A.D. Winans

Visions of the past float like
Driftwood through
The riverbank of my mind

Pink panties and white bra
Laying like a landmine on the floor
Next to the foot of the bed

Drinking tequila with glasses
Dipped in salt as I slowly move down
Your soft underbelly like
A moth undressing a light bulb

I was there the night you put your
Fist through the window swearing
You saw the face of God
In your own reflection
Yelling Mantra’s no one understood
As the people down below looked
Up and wondered what
The screaming was all about

I was there the night at the bar
When you broke a beer bottle
Over the head of a drunk bully
Leaving seconds before the cops came
And though I should have
I didn’t give them your name

I was there the day at the cemetery
When you visited the grave
Of the only man you ever loved

I was there the night you sat alone
At the airport watching strangers
Greet their loved ones at the arrival gate

I was there the night they took you away
To Langley Porter Psychiatric Clinic
Where you soared like a bird in flight
Never to return to earth as we know it

I was there the day the crucifix carrying Priest
Said his mumbo jumbo words over the grave
Looking like a caterer serving leftovers
At an unattended banquet

I was there the day they buried you in
A shawl of unwritten poems
And drank a toast to you
Long after the others left
Remembering that white bra
And pink laced panties
The night we lifted boulders from
The chest of Jesus and hurled them
In the face of God

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