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The Bossy Bassoon

by Mr Z (Bob Zaslow)

    When the orchestra in the town of Harmony lost its first bassoon, he was replaced by a Bossy Bassoon who overwhelmed all the instruments.
    “Bassoon! You’re spoiling the orchestra,” said the conductor.
    “Nonsense!” said the bassoon.
    “One day you’ll change your tune,” she said, and marched away, shaking her head.
    One day became the day when half the town of Harmony turned out for a concert. But Bossy Bassoon played so loudly, he left the woodwinds winded, the brass breathless, and the strings quivering in a corner. Even the loudest percussion instruments wanted to drum the bassoon out.
    “Worst concert ever!” grumbled the people of Harmony.
    “How do you feel now, Bassoon?” asked the conductor.
     “I feel fine. Is it my fault the other woodwinds were weak, the strings were tight and the brass blew it?”
    “There’s no “I” in “orchestra,” said the conductor. But the bassoon just snickered.
    The next weekend, only a handful of people attended the concert and Bassoon overpowered all the instruments again.
     “Do you still feel fine?” asked the conductor.
    “Well, not fine, exactly. No one came to see me.”
    “No one came to see the orchestra. Were you really happy bossing everyone around?” she asked.
    “Of course. But when I noticed how the strings cried and the brass blew their noses and the other woodwinds wheezed, not so much.”
    “Do you know that you can never be happy by making others sad?” asked the conductor.
    “Well, it’s too late to do anything about that now.”
    “No, it’s not! You can change. If you want to.”
    “I don’t want to.” Then, he added, “But if I did, what would I do?”
    “Instead of overpowering the other instruments, try to give them power.
    “And take the spotlight off me? Why?”
    The conductor thought for a moment and then asked, “What’s my job up there on the podium?”
    “DuhÉYou conduct us.”
    “Yes. I make each of you feel special in your own way. And you know how that makes me feel?”
    “Left out?”
    “No. It makes me feel great! Look, Bassoon, make someone else feel good and what do you think will happen?”
    He let out a slow bellow. “I’ve been a big dope, haven’t I?”
    “Well, you haven’t exactlyÉ”
    “You know what?” he interrupted her (like a big dope). “I am gonna change!”
    The next day, he apologized to everyone and said he would stop his bossy ways. The oboe was not convinced. “What scheme could Bassoon have up his bell?” he thought.
     But the following weekend, half the town of Harmony packed the auditorium for the concert.
    And a concert is what they heard! After all, “concert” means all the instruments working together in Harmony.
    During the standing ovation, as the instruments took their bows, the conductor turned to the oboe and said, “Maybe we should call him, “The In-Tune Bassoon.”

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