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Lonely in Independence

Amanda Hynds

You’re so terribly young,
you want desperately to be
among them. To be woven
into the very fabric of their lives
even as you sit with me,
to the side of the crowd.

I’m not quite so old.
Aged beyond surrendering
to mediocre friendship
and the hands that offer it.
Yet young enough to look back
at the hand in retreat and feel

longing for the easy friendship
and camaraderie amongst them.
Even as the jokes elicit cringes
and the thousandth Taylor Swift
reference makes me feel alien, and
out of touch, to a reality unique

to this strange corner of the world.
Where language picks up quirks
that elicit violent urges
because ussy is not an end word
to be affixed like some Pig Latin
monstrosity.

I sit in my corner and observe,
a kid at a zoo, wanting to play,
but also frightened and lost
amongst these strange creatures.
Who am I amongst them?
What do they see when they see me?

My chair isn’t so lonely,
full of such big feelings.
Even as my brain fills with
words to fill an emptiness
or lull that never comes.
I bottle them up, shape them,
and pour them out.

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