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This writing was accepted for publication in the 108 page perfect-bound ISSN# / ISBN# issue/book “How to Become an Octopus” Down in the Dirt, v200 (10/22) Order the paperback book:

Order this writing that appears in the one-of-a-kind anthology The Paths Less Traveled the Down in the Dirt September-December 2022 issues collection book		get the 422 page September-December 2022 Down in the Dirt 6" x 9" ISBN# perfect-bound paperback book:

How to Become an Octopus

Elizabeth Broadbent

    First study the octopus in its artificial habit: watch it twine among kelp and stare contemptuously at gabbling aquarium patrons. Examine its unblinking eye for truth or beauty or searing intelligence. Find none. Memorize its undulating tentacles, its tender suckers. Count one-two-three-four-five-six-seven-eight, one-two-three-four-five-six-seven-eight until the counting becomes a chant, a litany, a prayer. Nothing can be done without belief.

    Then in a month or a year and a day or a week or perhaps next Thursday, stand in the ocean, your rigid limbs akimbo. Close your eyes and with a mouthful of seawater speak to the deity of your choosing. Poseidon remains a popular choice, but his wife Amphitrite, Neptune, Olokun, Chicamassichinuinji, Yam, Nu, Nammu, Tiamat, Bangpūtys, Morskoi, Veles, Nodens, Manannán mac Lir, Duberdicus, Ægir, Njord, Rán, Achelous, Anapos, Ceto, Neureus, Proteus, Thalassa, Thetis, Triton, Salacia, Davy Jones, Jack Sparrow, Aruna, Hatepuna, Danu, Varuna, Suijin, or any number of sea gods will suffice. However, as octopi are not Christian, an appeal to the Lord Jesus will lead to certain failure, perhaps by drowning: Christ asphyxiated.

    With eyes open wide to stinging salt, recall the octopus. Trace its limbs in your fragile memory. Recall its delicate beak and cruel eyes, its subtle shifting color. Imagine taking on the sea’s shimmer. Imagine bones melting. Imagine eight: not eight arms, not counting eight, but eight the concept, eight the deity, eight as a philosophical ideal rather than mundane reality. Hold eight like seawater, like a secret, like you once held air. Breathe into blue. Believe in something for once: a dead seagull, a darting sheepshead. Your eight limbs will twine into the kelp.

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