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The Story of Eby the Pen Whisperer

Erik Priedkalns

    I don’t know why one memory sticks in my head when thousands of other memories, which should stick around just eventually fade away. I don’t remember anything about my high school graduation or law school graduation, but there is a memory about a boy named Eby, some hot girl, and a pen.
    It happened in high school auto safety class when I was a sophomore. It all started when one of the uber popular, hot girl’s pen wasn’t working because it was out of ink, or perhaps it just dried up. There was a kid named Eby (how on earth do I remember that?) who was a little off. Maybe he wasn’t mentally disabled, but just a little off. He had dirty blond hair, blue eyes, and had a high-pitched way of talking. He sounded as though he were in a panic, even when he was calm, and there was nothing life threatening going on.
    So, the girl tried writing with her pen, and it scratched blank lines on the paper. She scribbled a little faster to try to get the ink moving. She then tore the paper with the scribbling, and that boy Eby sprang into action. He grabbed the pen and started hot-breathing on it, rubbing it between his hands, and maybe saying a few Buddhist incantations and witch’s spells over it. He handed the pen back to the surprised girl, and she took it, half in shock. (I imagine if it happened today, Eby would have been sent to the principal’s office and given sensitivity/don’t touch anyone else’s stuff training for the rest of the year) I remember she had blue painted nails, which I think were fake. (It was the 80s, so I’m not sure) And she was wearing a striped miniskirt. She was a sort of Belinda Carlisle meets Boy George sort of hot.
    Well, she took the pen, tried it out and it worked. And, like any hot, popular, fifteen and a half year old girl would do, she looked at Eby with complete disdain and contempt, and said “thanks” like she was telling him to go F himself
    I remember Eby’s face looked as though he had just discovered the cure for cancer and had saved the world from Monkey Pox.
    I imagine Ms. Hottie giggled about the incident with her friends at lunch time, and used a lot of words like “eeewww,” “gross,” and “yuck”. I also imagine she threw the pen out as soon as she could borrow another one from a friend.
    I also imagine she spent the rest of the year ducking out of sight whenever Eby came near, looking to see if she had any more broken pens.

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