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Order this writing that appears in the one-of-a-kind anthology Forbidden Library the Down in the Dirt Jan.-April 2023 issues collection book		get the 420 page Jan.-April 2023 Down in the Dirt 6" x 9" ISBN# perfect-bound paperback book:

Love and History

David Sapp

Love and my peculiar history
Was hammered into steel
(Yes, by now, I am a history.)
Skillfully flattened on the anvil,
Tempered, I suppose –
Inevitable, the human narrative.
But I grew brittle, weathered,
Rusted on nearly every edge.
Nostalgically, I recall a time,
As far as memory will allow:
Still sloughing my mother’s blood,
The umbilicus cut but tender,
First, unassuming gasps of air
Suckling at new atmosphere
(No one asked if I wanted this.)
Before I was stolen home
To play a predictable role:
The good, obedient, loving son
All rolled into one, when
I was vulnerable, irresistible,
Loved – loved for vulnerability,
Instinct insisting upon it –
Cute, little roly-poly tabula rasa,
All before love’s bitter tang
On the tongue, the apathy,
The relentless lethargy of love.
Free of love’s weighty demands,
Love wasn’t an assumption,
An accruing of love’s equity.
Love did not yet own me, and
I did not pursue the expertise
To enslave love for my purpose.
Love did not require a deal,
Intricate negotiations for affection.
This was a primordial era
Before love was a notion,
A religion, a dogma, an ideal.
Innocence was pure as love’s
Expectations were hypothetical.
I’ve spent these last years longing
For a return to that bliss.

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