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Sometimes ye huv tae experience the bad tae appreciate the good

John Gerard Fagan

the rules oan the spaceship wir simple when it came tae emitting wind fae the anus
dae it intae a hose and post it tae the gas room
au three hunner ae the crew obeyed without fail
as the thought ae a floating bubble ae shite-gas in their ain quarters wis unthinkable
fir Frank, however, hired as a minimum-wage fart capturer
the gas room wis his only living quarters
and spent au day carefully catching the bubbles wae his hauns
and posting them oot intae space
he hud never even ventured oot ae that room in the seven years onboard
and wis getting tae leave when they finally docked on Mars in less than a week
people said he wis mad fir taking oan that job but he saw otherwise
he didnae think it wis too bad a gig and it paid better than maist space jobs
wae awe that money he could finally retire
and buy his ain wee ship tae hop aboot the red planet
and live the rest ae his days in peace
sadly on his last Friday on duty he swallowed a burrito-flavoured wan in his sleep
and spent the next morning vomiting his lungs oot
by teatime the gas room wis full ae floating pieces ae sick
and hunners ae hovering farts kept being posted in fae the aftermath ae Mexican night making his perilous situation worse and worse
Frank banged and banged on the door begging tae be let oot
but the captain refused
couldnae risk a tidal wave ae farts getting loose
and every cunt vomiting and fucking up the spaceship that close tae Mars
the only option wis tae open the gas room door on the other side
the side that opened intae space
Frank wis sucked oot screaming wae au the farts
and once resealed the room wis fresh and fart free
a new fella called Danny wis hired and au went back tae normal.

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