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This writing was accepted for publication in the 108 page perfect-bound ISSN# / ISBN# issue/book “Some Things Are Universal” Down in the Dirt v208 (6/23)  Order the paperback book: 
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The Cake that Melted Sorrows
Peggy Gerber
It was almost the first Friday of the month, or as the ladies in the medical billing office liked to call it, “Ditch the diet Fry-day.” Once a month a group of women in the workplace got together for a festive luncheon of take-out fried chicken, fried potatoes and a home-made decadent dessert, and once a month Sara’s face burned with shame as she turned down invitation after invitation. After a while inviting Sara to the luncheon became an office joke, so on the day that she said yes, everybody’s mouth dropped open.
For a full minute Sara’s co-workers stared at her in stunned silence until Molly exclaimed, “Wow, Sara, great.” A grin spread across her face as she added, “First timers bring dessert.”
The moment Sara said yes, she could feel her heart begin to race. She had been in therapy for social anxiety for a while now and her therapist said she was ready for the next step. Sara didn’t feel ready, but at twenty-six years old, having never been on a date, she was desperate to try anything. With sweat beading on her forehead, Sara pushed back her chair and began doing her deep breathing exercises, but instead of calming her, it was causing her to hyperventilate. She could feel herself spiraling into a full panic attack and knew the only thing that would help was her anti-anxiety medicine. Sara craned her neck to make sure nobody was watching, opened up the little plastic bag she kept in her top desk drawer and gulped down a Xanax.
Sara passed the remainder of the afternoon distracted, debating whether she should call in sick the next day, and by the time she left the office, she was completely overwhelmed. She walked to her bus stop worrying about the luncheon and spent her entire bus ride home googling cake recipes as she peeled off all her nail-polish. Little flecks of pink piled up on her skirt as she scrolled through dozens of websites agonizing over which recipe to choose. With time running out, she eventually decided on a red velvet cake with chocolate cream frosting, topped with maraschino cherries. She really hoped nobody was allergic to chocolate.
When she got off the bus, Sara went directly to the market and carefully picked out all the ingredients she would need for the cake. Though it was dinner time when she walked through her door, she had no appetite and decided to get right to work. Sara opened her cabinets and banged around until she found just the right pans for a double layer cake. Baking was the kind of solitary activity that Sara regularly enjoyed, and she had all the right equipment. She was the official birthday cake maker of the family and her grandmother told everybody that her cakes were a work of art. She had many hours of watching Cupcake Wars to thank for that.
After placing the mixing bowls and measuring spoons on the table, Sara pre-heated the oven and turned on some music to help her relax. Carefully she measured out all the ingredients, and poured them into the bowl, blending them together until she had a rich, thick, aromatic batter. As she got ready to pour the batter into the pan, suddenly, angry butterflies of dread began fluttering around her stomach and she started obsessing over how everyone in her office must think she is such a loser. As her adrenaline began to soar, she groaned, “Oh no, not again,” and reached for her bottle of pills.
Sara’s hands shook as she struggled to pull off the child-proof cap and when it finally opened one of her pills popped out and dropped into the batter. She quickly removed it with a spoon and began to berate herself for being clumsy, but then an interesting thought crossed her mind. She stopped what she was doing and rubbed her chin. “Hmmm,” she thought as she smiled for the first time that day. Yes, it was a brilliant idea. Sara grabbed five more pills, ground them up and poured them into the batter. She figured if she put Xanax in the cake, she could take her medication without anybody knowing her secret shame.
Sara arrived at work early the next morning and placed her cake in the refrigerator. The cake had turned out perfectly and she knew that even if people didn’t enjoy her company, they would at least appreciate the cake. At 12:01, Sara trudged into the lunchroom on leaden feet and was immediately hit by the most heavenly smells of fried chicken and potatoes. Having skipped breakfast, her stomach growled ferociously as she stood at the door, watching her co-workers setting up and chatting animatedly.
Camille was putting on festive tablecloths, Molly was paying the delivery guy for the chicken, Joanie was taking out the beverages, Nicole was reaching for the paper plates and Jess was putting up decorations. The drab office lunchroom was transforming into a party and the air was abuzz with excitement. Sara couldn’t help smiling as she took her cake out of the refrigerator and expertly arranged it on a platter with a maraschino cherry garnish. When she placed the delectable dessert on the table there were oohs and aahs all around and she blushed, feeling thankful that relief for her nervousness was just one slice away.
Sara took a seat at the table just as Molly was picking up the bucket of chicken to pass around. As she handed it to Camille, Sara whispered, “Um, If it is ok with you guys, I think I am going to start with a piece of cake.”
Sara’s five co-workers stared at her blankly until Molly blurted out, “Sara, that’s an inspired idea. Cut me a slice as well.” Before she knew it, Sara found herself slicing the cake into six portions and the women were laughing like schoolgirls as they accepted their guilty pleasure.
As the group began digging into their cake, Camille closed her eyes and moaned,” Mmmm, Sara, why didn’t you ever tell us about your hidden talent. You could hear a pin drop as the six co-workers ate their cake slowly, savoring every delectable drop. When they finished, they began peppering Sara with questions about her recipe and baking techniques, her favorite things to talk about. By the time the chicken was passed around, the Xanax had begun to work its magic and Sara was having a good time.
As the women chatted away, Sara listened to Camille complain about how hard it was to raise a son with a disability. Molly groaned about how her hot flashes were going to be her undoing, Joanie cried over her recent break-up and Sara learned that every single one of her co-workers had big problems and worries just like her. She suddenly felt brave enough to talk about her social anxiety, and everybody was kind and sympathetic.
By the end of the luncheon, all six of the women were relaxed and smiling, and Camille even commented that she felt as if a load had been lifted off her shoulders. As they got ready to head back to the office, Sara’s five co-workers took a vote and unanimously decided that it was Sara’s job from then on to bring the dessert. They made her promise to always attend their monthly luncheons and Sara shook her head yes as a giant lump formed in her throat.
The second time Sara baked the cake for Ditch the diet Fry-day, she put Xanax in it for reassurance, but by her third Fry-day, Sara had begun to feel better about socializing and didn’t need the medicine as much anymore. Little by little she was becoming good friends with Nicole and Jess from the office, and they helped her feel confident enough to register on a dating website. Between her therapy and her new friends at the office Sara was branching out and beginning to feel comfortable in her own skin. With her popularity and her self-esteem rising, the only special ingredients that Sara now added to her cakes were love, gratitude and a little extra chocolate.
