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The Lion that Quit Eating

Jason Polecheck

    Once there was a Lion, and his name was Dave. Dave was a nice pleasant lion, but sometimes got sad and liked to be alone. Despite his propensity to go off on his own, he was well liked in the pride, although often he thought that the members of the pride just tolerated him because he was funny, and sometimes brought nice looking lionesses to the jungle.
    Dave the lion had a habit of eating more than anybody else in the pride. He would eat more than the other lions, and he would eat every day, even when he had to hunt in the morning. At first this was okay with the other lions, and they laughed and joked about it.
    “That Dave sure is a big eater.” they’d say
    “Dave could eat just about anyone under the table” they’d comment
    “Jesus Christ, did you see how full Dave got last night? I thought he was going to shit himself” one would say to the other.
    After a few years of Dave always being full, even on holidays with the family, the novelty beganto wear off for some members of the pride, and they began to try and drop subtle hints to Dave.
    “Want to go to the monkey swinging festival tonight instead of eating Dave?” they’d offer.
    “Nah, I’m just going to get a bite to eat and then go to sleep” Dave would say Lions were beginning to become more concerned, although some of them were still happy to have him around because secretly they thought that as long as they didn’t eat as much as Dave they were doing okay.
    “He gets so aggressive when he is full” they would say.
    “I don’t get that way” they would say.
    “well you don’t eat as much as Dave either bro.” they would say as they nodded their big maned heads.
    One day Dave disappeared for a few weeks, and lions began to talk, rumors began to circle in the pride.
    “I heard that he hooked up with the Pride from across the Nile, you know the ones that are always eating and fighting other Prides.” they would say.
    “ Really? I heard that he had eaten to much one night and started playing rocks with the King, and when he lost, he tried to take the pride, and...well I don’t have to tell you what happened then, you know the king, I hear he’s paws up in the elephant graveyard now.” the would say.
    Then one day when the rumors were starting to subside, Dave walked back into the pride, with a beautiful Lioness at his side. The other Lions were smitten, and quite jealous of Dave. Their only solace was that they knew that his eating would make it impossible for this mating to last very long. “You quit eating?” they said in awe.
    “Yes Katrina made me quit” said Dave when he was alone with them.
    “How do you feel?” they asked.
    “I feel fuckin hungry what do you think!” Dave yelled.
    The lions recoiled at his roar, a side of him none among them had remembered ever seeing before.
    Weeks went by and Dave held up his end of the bargain as he told his mate that he would, going hungry day after day, all he wanted to do was sleep, and Katrina was becoming rather disenchanted with him. “You aren’t the same Lion that you were when I met you.” she said to Dave.
    “What are you talking about?” Dave asked her.
    “You used to be fun loving and sweet.” She said to Dave.
    “I must have been FULL!” Dave screamed at her.
    “Your acting like a human!” she screamed back at Dave.
    By this time the pride had gathered to see what all the commotion was, and many of the lions were cocked back on their haunches, uttering low roars, and pouncing on Dave. They knew that Katrina might be in trouble, and each wanted to be the one to save her. The stench of possible procreation with a superior female of the species played it’s olfactory tune across the jungle. Dave became aware of this and crouched low backing up on his powerful haunches, ready to fight.
    In an instant it was over, all the males of the pride claimed the striking blow as their own, Dave laid dead. In the game of survival of the fittest, The Lion that doesn’t eat, is destined for vulture fodder.
    Katrina walked away.



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