This appears in a pre-2010 issue
of Down in the Dirt magazine.
Saddle-stitched issues are no longer
printed, but you can requesting it
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“Elvis or the Beatles?”
“Excuse me?”
“Just trying to break the ice. I’m Derek; your partner for this scene.”
“Oh. Well, nice to meet you I guess. I’m Sindy- that’s with an ‘s’.”
“Nice. What’s your real name?”
“I’m not telling you that.”
“Come on! Why keep secrets?”
“Because I don’t know you.”
“What about breaking that ice?”
“Promise you won’t laugh?”
“I promise on my mother’s grave.”
“Is she really even dead?”
“Yes.”
“Oh. I’m sorry.”
“Don’t change the subject.”
“Okay, okay it’s Lorraine, but don’t call me that in front of people.”
“Nice to meet you Lorraine.”
“Thank you.”
“How many films have you done?”
“This is my sixteenth feature.”
“In this business, you’re still a rookie.”
“If you say so. Jerry says they might use me for the cover photo shoot.”
“You are new! Jerry says that to all the girls.”
“Don’t be a creep.”
“Someone has to tell you. Jerry is the creep, not me. You seem nice, so I’ll give you some good advice: get it in writing.”
“Okay.”
“You have to look out for number one, you know? Don’t let them jerk you around.”
“Okay, Okay! I get it.”
“Will you answer my first question?”
“What question?”
“Elvis or the Beatles?”
“The Monkees.”
“I can’t work with you.”
“Just kidding! The Beatles, but what I really love is sixties folk. I listen to the Kingston Trio, Peter Paul and Mary, The Mamas and the Papas, Crosby Stills Nash and Young, Simon and... No, wait, I think I like Paul Simon’s solo work better.”
“I get the picture though. That’s very cool. And see? That wasn’t so hard was it?”
“I think I like you better when you stay quiet.”
“I can’t help it. Not talking first just seems weird to me.”
“I guess I can agree with that. I think we’re getting close to starting the scene. Will you do me a favor?”
“Sure, what?”
“Hand me that cup of ice from the table over there.”
“Here ya go.”
“Thanks.”
“No problem. What are you going to do with... Ohhh! I didn’t know you could do that with ice!”
“Perky, huh? I know lots of tricks with ice.”
“I bet you do.”
“Want to hear more?”
“Oh my, yes.”
“Fill a glass with water. Put one ice cube in the glass. Lay a string across the top of the glass. Shake a little salt out on the ice cube and wait a few minutes. Then lift the string. The ice cube will stick to it.”
“That’s not where I thought you were going with that.”
“Good. I like to surprise people.”
“Forgive my asking, but are you single?”
“Yes.”
“Would you like to have coffee after this?”
“I never date costars.”
“Oh.”
“Don’t take it hard. I just don’t.”
“I respect that. How did you get started in this line of work?”
“I was a dancer.”
“I bet you were great.”
“I used to be. When I was younger I studied ballet.”
“Why did you quit?”
“I don’t know. I guess I didn’t think I was good enough.”
“This may sound trite, but don’t give up your dream. Be who you want to be. The only person who can stop you is you.”
“Okay Doctor Phil.”
“Hey I resent that! I don’t even have a mustache!”
“Just teasing. Look here comes Jerry.”
“Hi Jerry, are we ready to go?”
“Change of plans Derek. We’re going with Rocco for this scene with Sindy.”
“Oh, okay. Is there a problem?”
“No, we like your work, but Rocco is a bigger name. Sorry kid. Stay close to your phone; maybe we can use you in one of the scenes we’re shooting Friday.”
“I will. Thanks.”
“Okay people, let’s get this show on the road!”
“It was nice meeting you Derek.”
“Same here!”
“What’s with the dopey grin?”
“It just came to me: I am no longer your costar.”
“Are you asking me out for coffee again?”
“I would like to get to know you better. Can I give you my number?”
“All right, but don’t hold your breath.”
“Fair enough. I hope to hear from you, but if I don’t, it was still a pleasure meeting you... Lorraine.”
