Graeme Osborn drove along Shea Boulevard going five under the speed limit. The rain glazed the windshield and the orange streetlights made it look as if fire were falling from the sky. Graeme felt like the devil driving through hell. He was on his way to do a horrible thing. It made him feel sick, but he kept his foot on the gas. The urge had been plaguing him for five years. If he turned around, it would only get worse.
Catherine was his high school sweetheart. Thirty seven years old, and he loved her more than ever. Things didn’t get harder or less exciting when they got married. She was everything he wanted. She possessed knowledge and understanding Graeme never would. Catherine was always there for him in every way, and if she wasn’t, he could talk to her about it.
Catherine was his high school sweetheart. She was the only woman Graeme had ever been with. Before they were married, Catherine had expressed her fear that years down the road he would regret marrying young, and resent her for all the things he missed out on. Graeme replied, “I’m lucky I met you so young. It means I have that much more time to love you.• He had meant it. He still did.
Graeme had been propositioned a few times over the years. And it had been excruciatingly difficult to resist. Each time had been a reaffirmation of his love for Catherine, unbeknownst to her. His mind would toss and turn, wondering if he was missing out on something more amazing than what he already had. When he got home and held Catherine, and felt her skin on his, the doubts vanished. Graeme even told her about one such proposition. She didn’t have much to say. Mostly she listened. When he finished, she kissed him and he felt better. What an incredible woman, he thought.Graeme pulled his SUV into the motel and looked around as if anyone in Scottsdale would recognize him. The rain had stopped, but the smell of wet asphalt rose up like a fog. It wasn’t a good motel, but it wasn’t a bad one. Graeme figured the worst motel on Scottsdale Road would be decent, and he’d been correct. He paid cash for the room and went up. It smelled like stale cigarettes and citrus wood cleaner, but the garishly striped wallpaper made it look like a circus tent. The Gideon Bible was in its usual place, and the remote control was glued to the night stand. Graeme found the phone book and started looking.
It seemed impossible to know which escort service was the best choice. Only two groups had taken out large picture ads, while the rest settled for the name and number. He had no idea how to go about choosing. Did it really make a difference? Were Vegas Style Escorts better? Graeme read further and figured he didn’t want a specific ethnicity or a fetish fulfilled. Finally he settled on Scottsdale’s Hottest Babes. It was a nice and simple name, giving Graeme the impression of nice clean girls.
Graeme picked up the receiver and stared at the phone number, the dial tone humming in his ear. It reminded him of the first time he had called Catherine. He hadn’t had the courage to ask for her number, instead getting it from one of her girlfriends. For a week he looked at the phone number, holding the receiver in his hand. Graeme hadn’t imagined feeling that nervous again.
Graeme dialed the number and it rang seven times before a woman picked up on the other end. “Scottsdale Babes,• she chirped. She sounded like a middle aged woman trying to sound like a babe.
“Hello, uh, I need an escort.• Graeme looked down ashamedly as if Catherine were standing in front of him.
“Sure! What kind of girl were you looking for?• the woman asked.
“I suppose the standard kind. I’ve never done this before.• Graeme almost laughed at himself. He bet the woman heard that every time from guys like him.
“Well, how about your fantasy? What kind of girl have you imagined?• Graeme closed his eyes. He had to do this right, because it would be the only time he’d ever do it. He ought to get exactly what he wanted so he’d never yearn for it again.
“I’d like a young girl with a nice smile. Brown hair and milky white skin. Slender but not skinny, you know? Classy. Wholesome.•
“I think Candice would do great for you. May I have your credit card number and your location?•
Graeme reluctantly gave the woman his credit card information after she assured him the billing would be discreet. Fortunately Catherine didn’t look at the bills, though she had her own. Graeme did all of the bookkeeping. He had an hour to kill so he jumped in the shower.
The shower was so hot that when he stepped out steam rose off his skin. Graeme fell back on the bed, dizzy from the heat. His thoughts drifted to what he was about to do and if he could really go through with it. He told himself he was doing it for Catherine and the three month old little girl they were adopting next month. It was a sacrifice he had to make for their sake, not his. It was for the good of his marriage. Graeme couldn’t continue the way he had been and feel like he was giving Catherine all he could, which she more than deserved. He couldn’t live with himself thinking those thoughts.
Catherine had been right to worry. Even at sixteen, she knew what she was talking about. But a few years ago something about her prediction changed. Whenever Graeme fantasized about other women, Catherine’s words harped in his mind. “Things you missed out on.• Both Graeme and Catherine had done all of their sexual discovery and exploration with each other, and that was it. Graeme began to wish he had done those things with other girls before he met Catherine, though he knew it didn’t make a difference. It was the allure of a sexually inexperienced girl that Graeme’s thoughts dwelled on. That he had become perverted tortured Graeme. He knew he wasn’t one of those people, but he couldn’t escape the thoughts. Graeme felt as though he betrayed Catherine without even cheating on her. And next month they were adopting a little baby girl because Graeme was infertile. He had to exorcise his rotten fantasy. Graeme knew if he looked at their daughter the wrong way just once, he would leave them both. Who knows what he would do to himself then.
“Hello?• Between the malaise of a high body temperature and deep thought, Graeme hadn’t heard the door being pounded on. A towel wrapped around his waist, Graeme jumped off the bed and opened the door. She was beautiful.
The girl in the doorway was exactly what he wanted. Her shiny brown hair hung to her shoulder with short bangs curled over her forehead. Her eyes were a bright blue like early twilight, and her bright red lips shone. Her neck was slim, leading into a youthfully firm body. She wore a black one piece dress with shoulder straps, the skirt hugging her strong thighs two thirds of the way down.
Graeme stepped out of the doorway and she walked into the room and sat on the edge of the bed still holding her purse. Graeme was shaking and beginning to sweat again. How did these things work? What was he supposed to say?
“So, what’s your name honey?• she asked. Graeme liked her voice. It was sweet and sincere.
“It’s Graeme. You’re Candice, right?•
“That’s me.• She tapped her thumb against her chest. It was cute. “So have you ever done this before?•
“Well, yeah I’m married, so of course I-•
She laughed and said, “No, have you ever been with a call girl before?• She laughed some more, truly amused.
“No, I haven’t.• Graeme wanted to tell her his story. He wanted to assure her he wasn’t some sleazy husband who just wanted some young thing. He loved Catherine, and to Graeme she was still a beauty not of this world. But Candice didn’t care. This was her job. She probably didn’t even wonder why he was there.
“Well, tell me what you want. What have you been thinking about lately when you’re by yourself?• Candice bit the right side of her bottom lip, and Graeme’s blood heated.
Graeme told her he wanted her to pretend she was a virgin. He would be passive and she would do the work, all the while keeping a curious and excited look on her face. And that is exactly what she did. Graeme guessed he hadn’t been the first customer to make that request. The experience was a powerful nightmare that horrified him in a new way each minute. Everything felt wrong because he wasn’t with Catherine, and for that Graeme was in agony. But his body was aroused and sensitive in a way it hadn’t been since high school. Both feelings filled him with arduous guilt. When it was over he felt like he had been knocking around a clothes dryer.
Candice left and Graeme immediately called Catherine. She was on a road trip with her sister. She deserved a vacation before they finalized the adoption. After many rings she answered in a groggy but concerned tone, fearing something might be wrong because Graeme called so late. When he said, “Hi baby,• her body sagged with relief.
“Are you all right, it’s late,• she asked just to be sure.
“Yeah, I just can’t sleep. I miss you honey. Are you two having fun?•
“Yeah, we are. We’re in San Diego right now. Tomorrow we’re going to see how far north we can get. I love you.•
“I love you too. Sleep well,• Graeme said and hung up.
Graeme lay in bed smiling. He felt better about everything. All he could think about was Catherine. He was in love with her as never before. He just hoped it wasn’t a temporary illusion. Graeme had a family to take care of.
