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in the 2009 book


Crawling
Through the Dirt



Crawling Through the Dirt
Thou Shalt Not

Armantin Varona

    “I committed a sin yesterday. Right after I woke up. Bam. Sin.”
    “Is that why you’re here?”
    “No, I’ll tell you why I’m here. You’ve got to let me talk it out though.”
    “Go ahead.”
    “My wife woke up after I had done it. I’m telling you, I couldn’t even look at her in the eyes. It was horrible. I didn’t know what to do.
    I’m not the religious type of guy, really I’m not. I go to church three times a week, have a healthy American lawn, send the kids to a private elementary school, and read the bible every night. I’m a pretty normal guy. I was lost in a world that could not help me at all and I didn’t even know where to start.
    Fortunately, one of the pastors at the church came to mind. You see, I knew he would help me because I help him all the time. Every Tuesday, I go down to the church and watch the kids practice their band. They are great, singing about all sorts of good stuff like Jesus and Mary, but they need some help from time to time. You know, carrying stuff, right?”
    “Right...”
    “Anyway, I tell the old wifey that I am going to get some help. She was real worried about me, but she knows me. She knows I’ll be safe. After all, I always buckle my seat belt and I make sure to drive five under the speed limit.
    When she smiled at me and told me to be safe, I was feeling really bad. She was looking at me with those pretty little blue eyes. I didn’t know how I was going to tell her. Honestly, it was that bad.
    So I drove as fast as I possibly could—which was thirty three in a forty zone—and got to ol’ Jedediah’s house in a fairly timely manner. Being a Saturday and all, Jedediah thought something was wrong. He had given me his address long ago, so he was also worried that I had stalked him or something. Which of course, was a silly thing to think, but nonetheless he was worried. And worried he should have been. My sin was not just any silly sin.”
    “Did you ever tell him what it was?”
    “Well, yeah.”
    “What did he say?”
    “Jedediah told me to go with him.”
    “Go where?”
    “It’d be better if you just let me talk you know.”
    “Sure, go ahead.”
    “Jedediah is married, but he seems to be his own man. He told his wife that he would be back in a bit and not to worry about him. He kissed her on the cheek, she waved to me, I waved back, and Jedediah put on his blue cap and sunglasses. He said we were going downtown.
    I was excited and all, you know? Downtown is something else. You get to see what its like to live a life without faith. You know, if you have enough faith—not too much of course, but just enough—God rewards you. He doesn’t let you fall down. Those people downtown, they just don’t have enough faith. That’s why they are homeless.
    Anyway, I thought we were going downtown to help those poor people and introduce some good faith into them, but I was wrong. Jedediah had to pay some bills or something.
    We got into his blue Volkswagen and he started telling me all about the sermon he was going to do tomorrow. I’m not sure if he ever got home to do it and all, but it was great. It was for the children. He was going to teach them all about Jesus and his second coming.”
    “Why did he have to go downtown to pay his bills? Why didn’t he just pay them through the mail?”
    “It’s more complicated than that.”
    “Why didn’t you guys talk about your sin?”
    “He told me he was going to help me with it after he payed off his bills.”
    “Alright. That seems fair. Continue.”
    “Anyway, we get to the place and I’m excited. I ask if we were going to feed noodles to the homeless inside or help a family paint their torn down home. He shook his head and told me to stay in the car. He said he wasn’t going to be long and even encouraged me to keep the car on in order to listen to the Christian station. It was a hot day, so it was awful nice of him.
    When he got out of the car, I took him up on his offer and started to listen to the radio station. They were playing a nice song about loving God and all the things he has done for the world. It made me smile. Really, it did. It made me smile.
    Well, I was listening, and then out of no where I see the window of the place break. I was worried something bad happened, so I turned the car off and went outside to check what was wrong.
    All of a sudden, Jedediah comes out of the place running as fast as he can. There was a dangerous looking man with a gun running after him as well. It shocked me half to death. The closest I have ever been to a gun was in a theater when I saw one of those dangerous Jackie Chan movies.
    Well, naturally, I froze up because I don’t know what to do. Jedediah got into the car and screamed at me to get in. I ran to the other side of the car and got in as quick as possible. The hooligan was standing right by the car pointing that thing at Jedediah.
    Jedediah tried to put the car in drive, but it didn’t work. Of course, you have to have the car keys in the car in order to put it into drive. So, as you can guess, Jedediah was angry when he found out that I had turned off the car.
    Fortunately, the hooligan broke Jedediah’s window before he could scold me. The hooligan pointed the gun at the left side of Jedediah’s head and told him not to try anything stupid.
    I was terrified. The only thing I wanted to do was to make sure I fixed my horrible sin. Instead, I had gotten myself in a tremendous mix up. Not only was I going to die, but I was going to die with the sin on my shoulders. I was going to go to hell! I was never going to see my wife again! For all eternity! All because of my damn pastor!
    “Calm down.”
    “O.K.”
    “Take deep breaths.”
    “Fine.”
    “Feel better?”
    “Yeah.”
    “Well, you didn’t die. How did you get out of the situation?”
    “I didn’t do anything. The hooligan told me to get out of the blue Volkswagen and slowly walk away. He told me not to look back and just to keep walking the other direction for miles.”
    “What did you do?”
    “I got out of the car. Jedediah was angry as angry can be, but I needed to see my wife again. I got out of the car and started walking the other way rather quickly. Unfortunately, the hooligan told me tha—hold on.”
    “God bless you. That was a big one.”
    “Thank you.”
    “Go on.”
    “The hooligan told me that I was goi—“
    “God bless you.”
    “Sorry.”
    “It’s fine. Keep going.”
    “The hooligan told me that I was going too slowly. I thought I was going to get shot for sure. Instead, the hooligan told me to start running. So I did. I ran as quickly as I could away from there.
    Let me tell you, I ran for a long time. Real long. I must have been at least a mile away by the time I noticed that I had the car keys in my pocket.
    I don’t know what happened to Jedediah. I don’t think either of them knew at the time that I had the car keys.”
    “From there, did you run over here?”
    “Not at all. I stopped by a school. I needed to catch my breath and hide at the same time, so I found a way to get inside the school. I sat on a bench and held my chest, which really hurt at the time.
    Anyway, this grounds keeper came up to me and told me to get out. I didn’t want to leave because I was too scared of what was out there, so I told him that I was in the middle of a crisis.
    The grounds keeper asked me what kind of crisis I was in and I told him that I had committed a horrible sin.
    He asked me what kind of sin it was and I told him I was too scared to tell him. I didn’t want to get into trouble. Well, fortunately, he understood me. It’s good to have someone like that, you know?”
    “Yes.”
    “Well, this guy tells me that he will help me out. He said he knew a real good guy for this king of problem. He told me that before he changed his life for the better, he had a real bad drug problem. Of course, drugs make you sin, so he was a sinner like I was. Apparently, he decided to read the bible one day. He fixed his life up, turned it upside down, got himself a job, and had been living a righteous life ever since.
    He talked to me some about life, too. I was worried about him, but he said he had no family so he could afford to be at the school cleaning all day. He controlled his breaks. It was only on the weekdays that he was forced into a rough time schedule.
    So we talked for a while and everything was great. He told me all about the Bible and I told him some stuff about it, too. He told me his favorite Bible verses and I told him mine. Of course, we shared some in common. They were Joshua 1:9, Psalm 45:4, and Proverbs 21:30. Especially Proverbs 21:30. It speaks the truth, you know?”
    “What is Proverbs 21:30?”
    “Oh, I didn’t realize you didn’t know. It says that there is no wisdom, no insight, or no plan that can beat the Lord.”
    “Alright, continue.”
    “Well, we talk for a while and out of no where the hooligan comes into the school. I don’t know how he got there, but he was still pointing the gun. He was a distance away and was approaching rapidly. I think he wanted the car keys or something. Maybe he figured out that me seeing his face was not a good idea, I don’t know.
    Well, my good friend the grounds keeper gets up and bang! He pulled out his own gun and shot the hooligan. I was horrified and was not brave enough to stick around. I don’t know where the hooligan was shot, but I got out of there as quickly as possible.
    I was so scared I didn’t stop running and I don’t think I could have if I wanted to. Eventually I met up with a cop a few streets away from the scene of the crime. I told him that there were two dangerous men with guns shooting at each other at the school. I also told him that one of them had been chasing me after he probably robbed or killed my pastor.
    The policeman told me to stay where I was, but I followed him anyway. I wanted to make sure the criminals were caught. I thought God had put me in this situation as a way for redeeming myself. You know, if you have sinned as bad as I have, there is no solution unless you are willing to get your hands dirty out of love for God.
    So the policeman runs to the direction I point him toward for a while. However, as soon as he turns a corner and thinks that I can’t see him, he slows down and starts walking.”
    “He didn’t go to the scene of the crime?”
    “No. I don’t think he cared.”
    “This is starting to get a little crazy.”
    “It gets worse.”
    “I don’t think I have much time left here, so try to make it quick.”
    “Fine.
    Well, this police guy walks for a while—I would say half an hour or so and I’m still following him because I think this hooligan or the grounds keeper is following me. If they try to shoot me, then the cop can get them. At least, I hope so. I think he didn’t care about the crime because of the neighborhood. Maybe he thought that the hooligans should kill each other off like animals. I don’t know.
    Anyway, the cop stops a woman off the street and treats her rather violently. She was wearing unfashionable clothes, but besides that, I didn’t understand what his problem was.
    He violently grabbed her by her shirt and pulled her into an alleyway. I thought he was going to arrest her right there and then. I thought that he didn’t want anybody like another hooligan to get involved in order to impress the woman.
    I followed them into the alleyway and I made sure I was really quiet. Again, I didn’t want to run into one of the two crazies and not have a cop around.
    He didn’t think there was anybody around the place so he started talking to the girl in a horrible way. Actually, he was threatening her.
    The cop told her that she was going to go to jail for two reasons. He said not only was she going in for prostitution—which made my jaw drop, I wouldn’t have known if I had a million guesses—but she was also going in for the drugs he would plant.
    I didn’t know why he was threatening her until he proposed a way out to her. She agreed. Well, I was out of there before anything could happen. I am sure both of them saw me leave, but I didn’t care.”
    “The guard is giving me a look. I think you should hurry.”
    “Well, I saw this building a block away from where I was and I stopped by. I told the police officer there that I was turning myself in for the murder of the hooligan. I gave him the location of the school and a few of them went to pick the body up. The other ones came eventually and put me in the cell. They said I was smart for turning myself in.”
    “Your wife is worried about you. I had to lie to her and tell her that you had slept over at my house.”
    “Thanks.”
    “You realize you could be in here for a while, right? That was really stupid.”
    “I don’t think so. They can scan the finger prints or the bullet or something and see that it wasn’t me. Right?”
    “So they found the body then.”
    “No, they didn’t. They found blood stains all over the place and assumed I just threw the body away.”
    “How are they going to scan finger prints?”
    “They found a bloody bullet that was taken out of the body of the hooligan. I am sure they can do something with that.”
    “Well, I’m going to go. What do you want me to tell your wife?”
    “Just tell her the truth; there is no good in lying. Besides, I need some time to think of a way to make up for my sin. I think serving two or three days in prison will do me good. Thanks for visiting me.”
    “I left my house as soon as I got the call. Wait, don’t get up. I want to ask you a question.”
    “What?”
    “What was the sin?”
    “Oh. I never told you huh?”
    “No.”
    “Well, I’m sort of embarrassed.”
    “You can trust me.”
    “Fine.”
    “Go ahead. Why are you stalling?”
    “Well, I woke up and just thought about the neighbor and his life. For a while, I wanted his house and his car. I wanted to keep my wife, but I really wanted his house and his car.”
    “That’s it?”
    “That’s big number ten. It’s not a small thing.”
    “You’re kidding right?”
    “No. Thou shall not covet thy neighbor’s goods. It’s big. It’s huge.”



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