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 Weathered
I Am Sorry I Can’t Help You

Randall W. Pretzer

    “You should get married and have kids. It is your duty in life,” Rosa’s Father said. They were sitting next to each other on his bed. The room had pictures of her mom and dad when they were first married and from the times they traveled. Rosa listened to her father intently. She had forgotten how the subject had come up or why her dad was telling her this now but she listened like an obedient daughter should as she was told.
    “The man works and brings home the money. The woman takes care of the kids. I don’t want you to ever forget that, darling. It works fine in our family and I don’t see why it shouldn’t work in your future family.”
    “Yes daddy.”
    “I know you are only 18. I don’t want you to feel rushed. You take your time and remember the right man will come along.”
    Rosa and her parents as a family gathering watched the news together and political commentary shows. They also watched talk shows and etc. The message was the same from most. The women belonged home and the men belonged at work. Rosa absorbed it all and her father reinforced it. Her mother went along with her father. They would then send Rosa to bed early. They fed her right with just vegetables and with water and milk etc. This was what they considered to be the right way to eat. They had her wear long dresses and sometimes pants. She was always wearing blouses. They didn’t want her to wear anything that really revealed her skin except for her hands and face. They could tolerate that. There were no men allowed in her life up until she turned 18 and then they opened the door a little bit. However, the father conducted an interview of all the men she brought home and if they didn’t meet his expectations she would not be permitted to see them anymore. She accepted this. It was what she came to know and understand.
    It was her 19th birthday and her parents finally had approved of a man she had brought home. They were married shortly afterwards. They moved out of state and they had two kids together. The man was an account, a political moderate and came from a middle class family. His name was Howard Rogue. He dressed in a suit all the time and he was very romantic. He was great with the kids. Howard was the all around good guy. Rosa told herself her parents were right. She had a great life with this man Howard and their kids were adorable. They had a boy and girl. They named them K.C. and Nick.
    Eric was sitting on a bench at his favorite park. He was reading a newspaper. The front page. The only part of the paper he read. He loved the editorial section. He finished up the paper and put it down. He just sat there and watched all the different people walk by. He loved it. He liked watching life in progress or in its process however one wished to describe it. It was about noon and he was early. He normally went to the park around 2 pm but it felt right to come earlier. Eric didn’t know why or where he got such feelings but he did. He went with them. He was currently homeless and didn’t care to have a job. He liked the freedom being homeless afforded him. He got his food from hunting in the wilderness in the park. He would go late at night and kill deer with his bare hands. He hated killing them but he would apologize right before he took their lives to explain he needed them to survive. He would the deer late at night in the park and then he would sleep near the area he ate his food. Eric would then come to his favorite bench once he woke up and watch the people. He would then wander the streets of the city nearby and then come back again late at night. He would hunt, eat and then sleep. It was his daily routine and he liked. He was able to read at the local library and no one disturbed him. It was one of the few places besides the park that he found true peace.
    It was supposed to be a normal day for Eric in the park despite the fact that he had shown up at the bench two hours earlier than usual. Rosa and her two kids walked by and stopped a few feet in front of Eric. He only noticed them because they had stopped. He had not seen anyone else stop in front of him or the bench since he first started staying at the park. Rose turned to look at him and walked over to him. Her kids followed slowly behind her.
    “Excuse me, may I sit down?” Rosa said.
    “Sure.”
    “Thank you.”
    “You’re welcome.”
    Rosa sat down and her two kids sat up on her lap.
    “You have two beautiful children.”
    “Thank you.”
    Eric was not use to this. He had not been in the presence of the company of another human being since he had graduated from college at least in such close contact as this. He had not spoken to anyone since he graduated from college. His parents had been killed in a car accident a little bit after he graduated and he wanted to kill himself. He refused to take his own life for he remembered what his dad had told him before he died. He was holding his father in his arms at the local hospital. His mother had all ready passed away the day before.
    “Look, son, I know it will be hard without mom and I...I know what you will be feeling but please...as a promise to your mother and I...continue with life...we will be with you in spirit always...my son...” his father died in his arms right after those last words. Eric cried and put his head down on his fathers chest. The funeral for his parents took place a week later. Eric sold his apartment, his car and all of his belongings except his clothes. He would wash them in the lake at the park late at night and then visit his parents grave afterwards. Rose addressed him again.
    “I couldn’t help but notice that you are always alone each time I walk by.”
    “It is peaceful.”
    “You never get lonely?”
    “I am at peace.”
    “I wish I was like you.”
    “You can be.”
    “No. I need someone. I always will.”
    “I never needed anyone except my family and friends. I am in peace now.”
    Rosa’s kids had fallen asleep and Rose stroked their hair. They each sat on either side of her and had rested their heads on each of her laps. Eric found it to be a beautiful site.
    “That is cute.” Eric said.
    “What is?” Rose said smiling.
    “Your kids look so cute resting on you like that. I don’t see that every day.”
    “It doesn’t seem to happen much anymore. I am lucky I get to spend any time with them.”
    “What do you mean?”
    “I am working three jobs. I have to keep my kids in daycare. I get to see them maybe on weekends...but I have joint custody with my ex husband Howard. He sometimes wants to see them on weekends...every weekend...so I never see them for a month sometimes.”
    “I am sorry to hear that...do they live with you?”
    “No...they share my house and Howard’s...they go back and forth.”
    “I am sorry.”
    “It works fine.”
    “I am glad it works to your liking.”
    “Thank you.”
    “You’re welcome.”
    “I am sorry I better get going. I forgot that Howard wanted them for the weekend today. I am running late. He said he would be around my house at 1:30. It is 1 now. It was nice talking with you.”
    “It was nice talking with you and it is okay. I am here usually around 2 pm every day in case you want to do this again.”
    “I will when I have time. I’d like that.”
    “I would to.”
    “Bye.”
    “Bye.”
    Rosa slowly woke up her kids. The three got up and Rosa waved goodbye to Eric. She motioned for her kids to say goodbye and they did and waved. Eric waved back and smiled. What was the world coming to? Why did anyone have to work three jobs just to get by? This was unfair. Eric couldn’t believe it. He didn’t remember life being this hard. He was living okay and his parents did fine. Why was Rosa made to suffer? What happened? What went wrong? There was no answer. She was missing out on the most important part of her...the lives of her kids. She would see them in diapers one day and then they would be off to college. This was not right.
    It was about 12 midnight and he had just gotten back from wandering the city as he always did. It was time for his meal. He went in search of deer and killed one. He ate his meal and went to sleep nearby where he always ate the deer. He woke up around 12 noon.
    Rosa and Eric were sitting at the same bench the next day. Her kids were with Howard. It was about 1 pm.
    “I didn’t want a divorce. He filed for it.”
    “Why did he file for it?”
    “He said he didn’t love me. He thought he did but he told me he never really did.”
    “I am sorry.”
    “It is not the fault of anyone. He couldn’t help it. I can’t help that I still love him. I have just been trying to figure where I need to be going. It is just hard to focus when I am working so much. There are so many bills and so much work at my jobs. I just don’t have time to even think.”
    “I am sorry.”
    “It is okay. I can’t believe it has been ten years since the divorce.”
    “As we get older I noticed the years feel like months...months like weeks...you get the picture?” They both laughed.
    “Yes...it all seems so much shorter...months...the years...I will figure it out some day.”
    “I am sorry.”
    “Stop saying sorry.” They both laughed.
    “Okay.”
    “What about you?” Rosa asked.
    “I never been married and I don’t have any kids. I did graduate from college a few years ago. I have not done much since.”
    “I wish I could have gone to college now. I could be working less and making more money at least that is what some have told me.”
    “It is true depending on the profession some have said.”
    “Yeah...some have said this...or some have said that...they said this and this...I am tired of listening to everyone telling us what our lives should be.”
    “It is why I have pretty much lived life as simply as I can.”
    “I want to but my kids are my life. I just wish I could give them everything...the world...instead I am lucky I can give them food.”
    “You do what you can. It counts the most that you give them all you can.”
    “Thank you.”
    “You’re welcome.”
    “I am sorry I have to get work soon. Thank you for the time. I enjoy your company.”
    “You’re welcome. I enjoy yours too. Thank you.”
    “You’re welcome. I will be around some other time.”
    “I will be here this time.”
    They both laughed and waved goodbye.
    Eric was doing his daily tour of the city as he always did and he came across the electronics store. The television sets were on. He thought he might see if the television programming had gotten any better. He noticed one show showed a man speaking at a podium. Eric could hear it through the window to his surprise. He stopped to listen.
    “There was a woman who came up to me once as I was on the campaign trail and she asked why do I not propose to give people like her a leg up? I told her that it was up to us to help ourselves. She told me she was divorced with two kids. I told her why did she feel it necessary to get divorced and she told me her husband asked for it. I told her she didn’t try hard enough to keep her man by her side. We argued a little back and forth. I told her I had to leave. She walked away angrily. We have all been through rough times but we don’t need the government to give us anything. We have to do it ourselves. This woman wanted my pity and sympathy. She wanted to blame others for her own shortcomings. The situation she found herself she had no one to blame but herself. The divorce rate in this country and in this town is far too high but we have to leave couples and people to work out their own problems. I will bring this to our city council in your town.”
    Eric turned away from the television in disgust. It was easy to blame her, he thought. It was easy to blame her. He remembered what his parents had told his sister. She had to take care of herself once their parents were not around for no one else would. She had told us that other parents told their daughters that getting married was the solution to all their problems and she had seen other women get married and see their husbands divorce them and the women found themselves with nothing. They did what they were told and they got nothing for it but a divorce. Rosa had to work three jobs and hardly got to see her kids. It is what she got for doing what society told her to do. This could not stand. Something had to be done. Eric had heard about people writing to their city council members and even trying the police. They asked for help from neighbors but it was to no avail.
    Eric for the first time in his life decided to attend a city council meeting. It was a few weeks after the election and the candidate he had seen on television had won one of the seats. Eric didn’t know what difference he could make or what impact he would have but he thought it was a worth a try. He had studied law in college and had a JD in Law. He would have become a lawyer but his parents passing away proved to be too much. He found himself more at peace living the life he had now. He thought maybe he could make a difference. The place was filled with mostly elderly people. He was the only young person there. It was a little odd but he couldn’t think about that right now. The city councilmen who he had seen on tv was the first to speak.
    “I am honored to be here today.”
    He must have been the lead councilmen or something. Eric was not sure how it worked. He listened and waited.
    “This city has been too much about government handouts. It has bordered on being some kind of a nanny state and now it is time we turn that around. It will be the first order of business.”
    “I don’t see how it is the nanny state. There have been plenty of single parents my sister told me once and they received no help from anyone.” Eric said.
    “You are a very naîve young man.”
    “I have seen it first hand. A friend of mine recently told me she tried everything. She is working three jobs instead thanks to a do nothing city.”
    “How dare you attack the community.”
    “How dare the community allow others to suffer...to do nothing...letting your neighbors children starve?”
    “Mr. Planet of the Apes here...”
    “It is the truth.”
    “The way to happiness is to work on improving your own life.”
    “You tell women to get married and they do...their husbands walk out on them and you leave the women to rot... This is what they get for doing what you told them to.”
    “It is not our problem. We all make bad decisions in life and the government can’t pick up the tab...”
    Eric had had enough of the rhetoric of this councilmen. He got up from his seat and left the building.



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