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On Fermenting Human Milk Etc.
Tom Ball
X was a certain Belgian monk who was in charge of one of the breweries there, brewing very strong beers in the Belgian tradition.
He was totally drunk most of the time, killing what little sex drive he had.
One day he had an inspiration. He would take wet nurses’ milk and ferment it. Of course the resultant beverage would be expensive and hence a luxury item, but it would be a special and nutritious luxury item. And he would need tens of thousands of wet nurses who he would have to pay handsomely.
Now of course human milk had never before been fermented as far as anyone knew. And to ensure quality X would personally “milk” each girl. As he did so he found that he had a sex drive after all and so he left the monastery and set up his own business.
The new drink was a hit among the elite, some of whom demanded more exquisite beverages.
So then X had another inspiration. He would ferment men’s come, to make what might be the most exclusive of all beverages. Of course each drink would require several hundreds of men to produce, but there were plenty of people who said they were willing to pay. Some of these people were women, others were gay men. In fact the gays started referring to it as “gay champagne” even before it was produced.
It was another hit, and everyone was asking him what next. Some said he should ferment urine or shit (you could drink fermented shit for your sins, some monks said). However X wanted to concentrate on his existing businesses.
Some pundits remarked that he was changing society getting so many women to give milk. Some of the women’s husbands reported drinking a little while making love and such. So finally X started marketing unfermented women’s milk as well with various flavorings such as strawberry or chocolate.
