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Retirement
Angela Drayer
Jen poured more of the iced tea from the pitcher. Ashley had put several lemon slices in it, so that they floated on the surface. It was a nice touch. Everything about Ashley’s house was a nice touch.
“I just adore your little frog,” Jen said, looking over at where a small cement frog sat among several pots of cacti in the corner of the patio. “Where did you get it?”
“From Josie’s Decorating. It was on clearance, and I decided I simply couldn’t say no.” Ashley grinned at the frog. “But I really want to go to that new garden shop in Bloomington, I can’t remember what the name is, but I saw a flier for the place and it looked just stunning.”
“It’s someone’s name, isn’t it? Like Lucy’s or Mary’s or something.”
“No, you’re thinking of Maurine’s. That just has plants. This place has a lot of statuary and fountains and stuff—you know, all the trimmings.” Ashley took a long drink of the tea and clunked her tumbler down on the tile-topped table. The low afternoon sunlight came through the Juneberry tree and made the ice sparkle.
“I’d love to do up a garden,” said Jen, “but I just don’t know where I’d get the time. I mean, I look at those fantastical things in the magazines and it all just looks like so much work.”
“Oh, I’m sure it is,” Ashley said quickly. “All I do is throw some potted plants and little statues around, I couldn’t imagine actually landscaping. That would be way too much work,” she shook her head, sending curls flying.
“Yeah,” said Jen. “And speaking of work...have you given any thought to retirement?”
Ashley shrugged. “Do I look that organized?”
“But you’ve got to think about it sometime.”
“I suppose.”
“Well, I’ve been thinking about it.”
Ashley leaned back and stretched her arms out to the sides. “Oh, really? So tell me, what have you come up with? Are you going to write something?”
“I’d like to, but I don’t know what to say.”
“’Farewell, cruel world...’” Ashley laughed.
“Not like that. I want to say something positive.”
“‘I go on to a better place.’”
Jen smirked. “Something I can say with a straight face.”
“Oh, I don’t know what you could say seriously about retirement. It’s the kind of thing you’ve got to go into laughing or not at all.”
“Second choice isn’t an option, I’m afraid.”
“Yeah, yeah.” Ashley waved a hand dismissively. “So writing something, we’ll work on that later. What else have you got?”
Jen leaned her elbows on the table. “Well...I’ve been thinking about doing it together with Jason.”
Ashley raised an eyebrow. “He’s two years older than you, right?”
“Yeah, but it’s just two years. A little under two years, actually. I just thought, you know, it would be romantic to go together,” she said sheepishly.
Ashley poured herself more tea. “You’re really going to throw away two years so you can go with him?”
Jen tugged on a chunk of hair. “Do you think two years is too much?”
Ashley shrugged. “Well, I don’t know. I knew a couple in Mendota who were about a year apart in age, and they went together. I guess two years isn’t that much, in the grand scheme of things. But still, it’s two years of your life, two years you’re entitled to...you know, if you want them.”
“But that’s the thing. I don’t know if I’d want them if Jason weren’t here.”
“Widows survive much better than widowers, I’ve read articles that say so.” Ashley gave a mischievous smile. “And haven’t you wanted a little freedom?”
Jen looked doubtful. “I also want a show of solidarity. Of togetherness.”
“Solidarity and togetherness you’ve had for a while,” Ashley said. “Live a little, for two years.”
“Are you going to retire together with Mike?”
“Heck, no!” Ashley smiled. “He’s five years older than me, and I am taking those five years I’ve got coming to me. Maybe I’ll just put it off until they come in and shoot me.”
“Oh, they don’t do that anymore.”
“It would be a flashy way to go, though, wouldn’t it?” Ashley twirled a ringlet around one finger. “It would make a statement.”
“It might make the news.”
“Yeah, they’ll come in with a video camera and a gun.” She laughed, then looked at Jen. “You know, I can’t see you using a gun.”
“Well, maybe I’ll slit my wrists or something.”
“Oh, that’s adolescent. You’ve got more class than that.”
“Well, maybe it’s not too creative. But I think it doesn’t hurt.”
“Of course it hurts, you’ve got to cut yourself! But there’s always the pills, you know—they’re painless.”
Jen shook her head. “That just seems...uninspired.”
“What are you talking about? Poison is romantic!”
“I don’t know, something about your death coming in a little cardboard box with a brand name on it just kills the mood.”
“Kills the mood,” smirked Ashley. “Nice.”
“Pun not intended.” Jen looked down and drew a line in the condensation on the side of her glass. “I don’t know, what do you suggest?”
“Personally, I think you should wait until it’s your turn, let Jason go do his thing and then you go do your thing.”
“I mean about what to use.” Jen slumped down on one elbow, her head resting on the back of her hand.
“Why don’t you slit your throat instead of your wrists? You can still sit in a bathtub and bleed to death. But really, you should do something that’s true to who you are, something that is uniquely you. It’s your last chance for self-expression, so you might as well have a field day with it.”
“Yeah, I guess there’s a lot of ways to die. I just, I don’t know, sometimes I wish it were out of my hands. Like maybe I’d get a disease or something, or die in a car crash.”
“You could orchestrate a car crash. That would be quite theatrical.”
“I mean just fate, swiping you away. None of this planned stuff. I don’t like there being a date on the calendar that I know I can’t go past.”
“Why? No one lives forever.”
“I know that,” Jen snapped. “I just don’t want to be staring down my death like this, knowing when it’s coming.”
“So put it off. Maybe they’ll take a few days to realize you haven’t complied, and then they’ll come get you. That could reintroduce this uncertainty thing you seem to be after.”
“It’s not that.”
“Then what is it?”
“I don’t know.”
“Tell you what,” said Ashley. “Instead of worrying about where the end of it all is, that date you can’t go past, why don’t you focus on what’s here? I mean, why don’t we go to the garden store we were talking about, just right now? Little things like that, don’t put them off.”
“You’re one to speak,” Jen mumbled, then said, “Okay.”
“All right. Have you thought of the name of the place yet?”
Jen shook her head.
“It’s on the tip of my tongue. I know where it is, and when we get there I’ll take one look at the sign and slap myself upside the head.”
“Well, okay, let’s go, then.” Jen got up and pushed her chair in.
“Oh, I just remembered it,” Ashley said as she walked over to the patio door. “It’s called Downtown Gardens.”
“I guess we should put the tea stuff away,” said Jen, picking up the tumblers.
Ashley turned around. “No, leave it. I’ll put it away later. We don’t wanna run out of daylight.”
Jen shrugged, put the tumblers back down on the table and followed her friend.
