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cc&d magazine (v204)
(the January 2010 Issue)




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Bens

Kelsey Noble

    “Allegra, look over there,” Skye leaned in to talk to me then pointed at somebody across the room. “Isn’t that the guy that came up and talked to you after the poetry reading last week?”
    “I don’t see anybody that looks even remotely familiar. Where are you looking?”
    Skye pointed again and Allegra’s eyes landed on the guy Skye was thinking of.
    “That is the guy that talked to me afterwards. He was an okay guy.”
    The girls’ friend Chad walked up to them, drinks in hand. They quickly relieved him of the beverages. “Hey ladies! How’s it going? Enjoying the party? Having a little female gossip time are we?”
    “Chad, do you know the blond guy over there?”
    “That tall, muscular drink of water? That’s Brendan. We’ve been friends since high school. Why do you ask?”
    “This is girl gossip,” Skye replied, sticking her tongue out at Chad.
    “Girl, puh-leez, you are talking to Chad! I need as much girl gossip as the rest of you females. In fact, I need it more! Straight guys do not dish.”
    “Allegra’s into him.”
    “I am not. You’re the one that started it.”
    The three of them looked startled when they noticed that Brendan was headed over. Allegra groaned inwardly. They obviously all looked guilty. Brendan would know that they had been talking about him for sure.
    “Chad! How’s it going?”
    “It’s going pretty good. These are my friends, Skye and Allegra,” Chad pointed to both of them.
    Brendan shook hands with both of them but kept his eyes on Allegra even as Chad and Skye kept gabbing. Allegra tried looking away but Brendan kept staring at her. She glanced sideways at Skye. Skye winked at her—their signal that nothing was on her face and things were going good. She tried to relax but couldn’t shake that Brendan was still gazing at her.
    Allegra was used to being Skye’s sidekick wherever they went. It wasn’t that she was ugly or that Skye was exceptionally pretty. Allegra accepted her short, light brown hair, smattering of freckles, and filled out figure. She could call herself cute without feeling like a snob. But there was something about Skye that guys just couldn’t get enough of. Maybe it was her light brown, creamy skin. Maybe it was her radically bright purple hair. Maybe it was her skinny figure or her unique style. Allegra wasn’t quite sure what made Skye so irresistible—but there was no denying it. Guys fell under a spell when they came near Skye. Allegra didn’t blame her. It was just weird that Brendan was still looking at her in such an intense way.
    Her cell phone beeped in her pocket with a text message alert. She ignored it and began thinking. She didn’t know where the night would take her. Maybe she would like this guy. Maybe he would like her. She took another sip of her drink. At this point, nothing could hurt.

    “Beep! Beep! Beep!” Allegra opened her eyes to search for her phone. She looked at the screen and realized it was the alarm that she had set before she and Skye went out last night. She sat up on the couch that she had slept on. Skye was just coming down the hallway from the bathroom.
    “Morning,” she whispered. “Let’s get out of here and go eat breakfast.”
    “Okay,” Allegra mumbled back.
    The girls drove to the restaurant in Skye’s car.
    “Don’t leave me hanging. What happened last night?”
    Allegra looked out the window to avoid the question. What did happen last night, she thought to herself. She rolled down the window to let the cool morning breeze wash over her.
    “Allegra, are you okay?”
    “Yeah, I’m fine. I’m just trying to figure out what happened. We wound up in one of the bedrooms. And we were making out which was fine. But then things got a little heavier but it was still nothing serious. I ended up, you know, doing stuff though.”
    “Did you have sex? Or just give him a blowjob?”
    “The second one.”
    “You can’t even say it, but you can do it?”
    “It makes me uncomfortable.”
    “If it makes you uncomfortable to hear it and say it then why did you do it?”
    “I thought he was just kidding. And I think he thought I was just kidding. We were just calling each other’s bluffs until something happened. He thought I was too innocent.”
    “I thought you were too innocent too,” Skye commented.
    “I think that’s why I did it, you know? I’m just sick of people thinking that I’m this innocent little thing that can’t handle sex. But I can. And it’s not just talk. I’ve proved it,” she ended her mini-speech triumphantly.
    “Good luck,” Skye said resignedly.

    Allegra rolled over and looked at her glowing, vibrating cell phone. She attempted to focus her eyes on the screen. The words blurred under the gaze of her sleepy eyes. She flipped it open.
    “Hello?” Her voice was held down by grogginess.
    “Hey, what’s up?” The voice on the other end sounded too awake for two in the morning.
    “Who is this?”
    “It’s Brendan.”
    “Oh,” she sighed and rolled onto her back. She flopped her arm over her eyes and tried to concentrate on staying awake.
    “Yeah, is this a bad time?”
    “Not really. I was kinda sleeping though.”
    “Oh, my bad.”
    “It’s okay. What did you need?”
    “Not so much something I need, but something I want.”
    “Um, okay,” she mumbled. “Come on over. Just walk on in. The door is unlocked.”
    “Cool, I’ll see you in a little bit.”
    Allegra let the phone snap shut. She desperately wanted to just roll over and go back to sleep but instead she climbed out of bed and went to the bathroom. Her reflection stared back at her. Not bad, she thought to herself. She ran a brush through her hair and scrubbed at her teeth with her toothbrush. Above the toilet in the bathroom cabinet she reached for an oil-absorbing sheet and ran it over her face to make sure she was presentable.
    She went back to her bedroom and straightened up the bed. In a few short minutes the sheets were straight, the blanket was folded back, and nearly every pillow she had lay at the head of the bed in a big pile.
    The door opened and she could hear Brendan take off his shoes before tip-toeing through the apartment. Allegra stood in the bathroom doorway.
    “Hey,” he said. “You’re looking good.”

    Allegra heard the phone in the kitchen ringing. She dashed through the apartment and grabbed it right before the answering machine picked up.
    “Hello,” she answered.
    “You’re late.”
    “Skye, I’m not late. I have ten minutes before we’re supposed to meet at the restaurant.”
    “Yes, but I’m willing to bet that you aren’t ready to leave. And it will take you at least five minutes to drive here.”
    “Then why are you calling me and interrupting the process?”
    “Because I know you love me and I love to do it,” Skye laughed.
    “I’ll be there as soon as I possibly can. I’m just running a little late.”
    “Okay.”
    Allegra walked into the bedroom. She pulled the blanket back. Cold air immediately hit Brendan.
    “You need to leave now,” she said firmly after seeing one of his eyes pop open momentarily.
    “Why?”
    “I’m leaving now. Besides, you weren’t supposed to spend the night.”
    “I still don’t understand that rule.”
    “Because, Brendan, we are not in a relationship. It’s not cool for you to sleep over. We are friends with benefits. That’s it. Now get out of my bed.”
    “Okay, okay.” He was achingly slow about leaving but finally Allegra was able to lock the door and head to the restaurant to have lunch with Skye.
    After they were seated and had ordered the girl talk began.
    “Why were you running late?”
    “I overslept. I was supposed to wake up early and do some homework before lunch, but that definitely didn’t happen.”
    “So, what did you do last night?”
    “I tried to go to bed relatively early but I was woken up by a two a.m. booty call.”
    “Ah, one of those. Brendan?”
    “Yes,” she sighed heavily.
    “You don’t sound too happy about it.”
    “We’ve been friends with benefits for six months.”
    “And?”
    “Well, I just thought it would turn into something more.”
    “Sweetie, I hate to break it to you, but that’s not what happens with bens. You don’t become something more. You stay friends with bens. That’s it. Are you becoming attached to him?”
    “No, I don’t think so. I’m just sick of the constant booty calls. I mean, it’s nice sometimes. I like being detached about it sometimes. But at other times I just want somebody that will take me out to dinner before we do stuff, you know?”
    “Well, is the sex good?”
    “Yes.”
    “Then you have a decision to make. You can choose to keep ignoring your feelings, or you can break things off with Brendan and ignore your urges.” Although she was being serious Skye gave a little giggle. It was hard to think of sweet Allegra with urges and a friend with benefits. Skye could remember Allegra two years ago at freshman orientation, innocent and na•ve. A few things had changed since then. But it was still difficult to think that Allegra was actually becoming ‘experienced.’
    “I don’t know. He is a good guy. I mean, he actually does seem to care a little bit about me. But the problem is he doesn’t follow my rules.”
    “What do you mean, ‘rules?’”
    “I want one hour advanced notice, he can’t sleep over, we can’t call each other pet names, and if he sleeps with other people then we don’t talk about it. And absolutely no kissing on the lips—before, during, or after. None. Those are my rules. I want to keep things simple.”
    “Honey, you’re in a relationship that can barely be defined. It’s going to get complicated. It’s hard to draw the lines, to see the boundaries...putting rules on the situation may seem like a good idea in your head, but in reality it’s obvious that they’re going to get broken.”
    “Why do you say that?” Allegra asked with a whine in her voice.
    “I think that if you play it cool, then maybe he’ll back off a little and you’ll be more relaxed about the situation.”
    “I’m not sure I can do that.”

    Allegra rapidly punched in Brendan’s number into her cell phone and pressed send. She wanted to end it. She had decided. This was the way to go. She needed to break things off with him and move on. She didn’t need all this baggage anymore. Let go, move on, meet new people—that was how things where after a break-up.
    He picked up on the first ring.
    “We need to talk. Can I come over?”
    “Sure. I know what you need to talk about,” he replied. “I’ll clean off the bed.”
    She hung up without bothering to correct him.
    Whipping into an empty space, she locked the door and walked up the sidewalk to his building. This would be a short trip, Allegra thought to herself. I refuse to waste time. Short, sweet, and to the point.
    “Brendan, I’m serious we need to talk,” she announced as soon as he opened the door. She marched past his surprised face and sat down on the couch.
    “Okay,” he hesitated before closing the door and sitting in the puffy armchair across from her.
    “I can’t do this anymore. This isn’t the way things were meant to be.”
    “I think you’re just having a few doubts. Maybe you just need some space to think things over.”
    “No, I don’t,” she said softly. “I just can’t deal with this type of friendship, relationship, whatever this is that we’re doing. It’s not that I have feelings for you, and it’s not that I think it’s wrong to just sleep with friends, but this just feels wrong.”
    Brendan reached out and stroked her face.
    “You don’t like what we have?”
    “I like the sex. But you don’t follow the rules.”
    “Why do you have the rules?”
    “Because I need them,” she said in a melancholic voice. “I like you, but this is too much.”
    “Just one last time,” Brendan said, looking deep in her eyes.
    “Brendan, no.”
    “Come on,” he said in his ever-so persuasive voice. “You know you want to.”
    “Brendan,” she said weakly.
    He led her down the hallway and laid her down on the bed.
    “If we do this then it will never stop.”
    “I know,” he stated simply. “I know.”



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