---

 

This writing was accepted for publication in the 84 page perfect-bound issue... cc&d magazine (v204) (the January 2010 Issue) This is also available from our printer as a a $7.47 paperback book (5.5" x 8.5") perfect-bound w/ b&w pages

Order this writing in the book (bound) cc&d poetry edition		order the 5.5" x 8.5" ISSN# book order the 8.5" x 11" ISBN# book

In My Defense

Holly Day

It should have changed my life. I watched him
Hunched over the ground, hours spent
Dribbling tiny grains of colored sand in intricate patterns
On the ground, drawing blue flowers that turned into red flowers
That turned into one giant flower covering the ground. It was so beautiful
I would have given anything to roll the whole thing up
And take it home with me.
But the wind took it minutes
After it was done, smearing great swaths of color against itself until
It was nothing but a slightly grayer smudge against the blondness of the desert sand.
The little man stood up, smiled at me, and walked slowly away.
It should have changed my life. I should have taken it away with me
His lack of artistic conceit, his willingness to just
Let his day disappear in the pursuit of beauty, but just the beauty of the moment.
Be here now, and only now. Be here now here now here now here now.
I fully intended to go home and erase everything I had ever written
That day, that week, that year, in my life, because filled as I was
With the artist’s apparent satisfaction at the act of creation
And only in the act of creation, I figured that taking pleasure in just writing
Should be enough for me, too. I sat
At my desk for hours, staring at page after page of hastily-scribbled poems,
Notes, stories, books almost started and those almost finished
And couldn’t do it. I failed. I wanted to. I want to be free
Of these suitcases of loose paper, throw it all in the fire
Dissolve the part of me that was saved in those notes
But I haven’t the strength to let go.

Copyright of written pieces remain with the author, who has allowed it to be shown through Scars Publications and Design.Web site © Scars Publications and Design. All rights reserved. No material may be reprinted without express permission from the author.

Problems with this page? Then deal with it...