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Order this writing in the chapbook Colon Wanted by Charles Michael Craven

Order this writing in the book Laying the Groundwork

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Eat it Too

Charles Michael Craven

early in the morning (5:15 a.m.)
when colon cramps
thanks to my friend Crohn’s
get me up to take a dump.

this trip is no different
than every morning for the last
three years;
yesterday’s fuel
spurts out like the last bit of ketchup
except this time like the ketchup
my toilet paper comes back red.

blood red.

I run into my bedroom to wake up my girlfriend.

“Holy shit, Holy shit. Wake the fuck up!”
“What the fuck?” she replies.
“My shit is red. I’m crapping blood.”
“Are you sure?”
“Hell yes I’m sure. I’m not color blind. I didn’t flush so you could check.”
“Is this another joke?”
“No God Damnit, I could be dying.”

with a sigh
and a blank stare
she rose to check on my stool.

it is hard to find these kinds of women.

“Damnit Mike,” she said as she stormed back to bed.
“I know right, I knew it.”
“That isn’t blood.”

I stood there confused.

“We had red velvet cake last night you’re just too drunk to remember.”

slowly it all came back,
the grandma’s
the dinner
the dessert.

she went back to sleep.

I vomited and tried to do the same.

restless I stared at the ceiling,
the relief had made me hungry
and with my new found memory
it dawned on me -
we were given the last of the cake.

red velvet has always been my favorite.

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