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Order this writing
in the Charlie Newman
May 2010 cc&d
poetry collection book

“Deckard Kinder/
Charlie Newman”

Deckard Kinder/Charlie Newman

if there‘s life after death
why bother dying?

Charlie Newman

pigs
racehorses
elephants of consciousness
Charlie Parker
ultimately proud in life
everybody dies
in the heat of the moment love lost out guilt played out desire hung out [greedy to distraction for a piece of the action] overcome by visions of paradise in expectation of devastation denied caresses accepted like carcasses at the morgue agony given like another old testament plague generous to a fault or relentless to a virtue everyone got what everyone wanted even if they didn’t know what they wanted [some didn’t know what it was or why it was theirs even after it was] you were there as fashionably late as I was compulsively early surrounded by the usual cast of faux-sophisticated characters ever-so-carefully draped out beneath their stations in black cotton linen wool silk leather and lace tulle awaiting the arrival of photographers from various supermarket tabloids interlopers in some real gone world
pinned ears
rosy flesh
every picture tells a story
one cigarette too many
centered in my memory
upon a delicious night
publicly displayed
in the past
edged in gold
destiny is one bum trip
you blenderheaded me in your gentle tender gender fender bender fantasy stew until I was as lost in you as you eternally overheated hyperbolic and blissed out on endless repetitious psycho somnambulistic passion relentlessly eternally unendurably prolonged chinese fire drill in the grey room unheard warnings ignored unknown meanings avoided eye contact evaded a photograph of you and me in a silver frame under gauze on a bed of rose petals
police cars
ruthless whores
elegant candor
optional treachery
Chester Burnett sings the blues
can you hear me?
unless you possess yourself
incest is inevitable
eventually you will submit
you touched me with your lips your eyes your soul your unpublished agenda your sad undeserved history the way you said my name I caved in like a house trailer in a tornado all twisted remnants of happy days in a borrowed garden nights in heaven pawned for a quick fix in the alley between the old mortuary and the new movie theater where forlorn pornography played to small groups of dedicated educators politicians cremation artists redundant participants in failed social experiments and those not at all ashamed of their unendurable cravings easy choices flowered into intricate regrets overnight and by morning the garden was choked with weeds
one blessing sustained
shadows sought
eyes shunned
sorrows swallowed
in darkness
or neutrality
or occupied territory
buzzwords
stress straining at the leash
expressionless faces
said is said she said
in love or in loneliness
or in the numskull fairy tale forest
and the voice on the radio droned on and on and on saying nothing that meant anything while everyone who was anyone listened hypnotized like lemmings on the edge of their cliff except you except me except us entranced as we were by the voluptuous disintegration of hope in the black hole of our obsession terminating temptation by relinquishing to it single bullet theory quick and simple
gentle moments in the heart of darkness
everybody turns away
nobody exempts themselves
like there is nothing left
except extenuating circumstances
to see to be a confession spoken in an empty room letters from ancient lovers and other regrets kept like pets receiving gifts like back room politicians addicted to the rush delivered in plain brown wrappers [if not me, who?] one strategy for loving life another for loving you a third for loving me all leading to what? me, condemned to playing Rick to your Ilsa watching in fascination as romance after romance unraveled like Sherlock Holmes mysteries in the final scene closure denied or ignored a certain fitting end revealed reviled rejected if not that, what? one strategy short of success a history annotated or revised to fit the current mode couples came and went an unshakable eternity gone like flesh and bone eruptions expectations eventualities disregarded in heat in haste in hostile anticipation
irreverent sabotage
irrelevant tactics
tabernacles hatred abandonment taboos
irreverent tactics
irrelevant sabbaticals
turbulence hysteria abbreviated tenderness overindulgent religion
irreverent sacrilege
irrelevant triviality
numb overabundant tumult trustworthy histrionic attractive trends
irreverent tremors
irrelevant sacrifices
notorious overwhelming trembling traveling hidden agenda torture I am sitting alone staring at the soul of my obsolete obsessions my dear departed dreams my worn-out whims with nothing left to save save myself and I cannot give myself one good reason to try
dead roaches
red roses
pickpockets in mittens
tender betrayal
the seven deadly sins
elevator music
old girlfriends that cling
these are a few of my favorite things



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