“Quick, you so f-i-n-e. Let me run my fingers through your hair.”
“Naw baby. Get your hands down! No one touches my hair!”
Now, how would I know that would be last time I’d ever get to say that. It was a dark Tuesday when I went to Mr. Ed’s Barber Shop off of Fifth Street, two spaces down from Conti’s Liquor Store and The House of Prayers Barbecue Ribs and Chicken Shack. I had on my Member’s Only black leather jacket and a tight pair of Levi jeans. As I walked down the street with the wind blowing across the soft, thick curls covering every inch of my head and hanging in a V-shape just below my shoulders, I wondered could life get any better than this? And then it did. This fine girl name Levita stopped me on the street.
“Hey Quick.”
“Hey Levita.”
“I’ve been looking for you.”
“For me? Aw yeah — what’s up baby?”
“You. I want you to come to my place tonight. I want to give you somethin’ you’ll never forget.”
“All right, all right. What time, baby?”
“Nine. Don’t be late, Quick.”
“Don’t worry. I won’t.”
Levita was 5'7 , high yellow with long hair that flowed down to her back. What I liked most about Levita was her big booty. It was the kind that caused the hemline of every dress she wore to raise a little higher up in the back. As I watched her walk away that day, I imagined what we’d do that night. Levita bent over on all fours, butt-naked with that big booty in the air. I was gonna ride her like a pretty pony. Now all I needed to do was to get my curl together and take a quick shower. I walked into Mr. Ed’s shop just in time to get a seat.
“Hey, Mr. Ed.”
“Hey Quick. Whatcha wantin’ today son?”
“A touch up on my curl. It’s a little nappy at the roots.”
“Alright, have a seat, son, and you’ll be up next.”
“C-o-o-l.”
I sat down next to Jermaine, my cousin. He was the coolest fag I knew. Unless you met his boyfriend, pretty Tony, you’d never know he was weird.
“Jermaine, my man.” We briefly hugged. “Did you watch the game last night? Kareem did it again!”
“Yes, he did man. Quick, I got in on this pool at my job and won big!”
“Yeah, man. That’s c-o-o-l.”
“Man, I was the only one who guessed right on how many baskets Kareem was gonna make with a right hook.”
“That’s cool, Jermaine. That’s real c-o-o-l.” I put my hand in my pocket and felt a piece of lint. I barely had enough to get my hair right. “Uh Jermaine, could you lend me a few? Just till the end of the week. That’s when I get my disability check.”
“Sure, man.” He handed me a twenty.
“Jermaine, why didn’t you come by Big Momma’s house last week? I was lookin’ for you.”
He bent his head back and looked up at the ceiling. “Quick, Big Momma’s been on me lately about... you know, my situation. Man, I just didn’t feel like hearin’ all of that. I am who I am.”
“Yeah, well, that’s cool. Big Momma’s usually on everyone about their situation, whatever it is.”
“True, dat. True, dat.”
“Next time, man, come on around. Big Momma made a sweet potato pie that was out of this world! Man, I ate at least three slices.”
“Aw, man, that sounds good. I’ll come by next time. Quick, it’s time for me to go.” Jermaine got up and paid Mr. Ed. Then, he walked out of the shop behind pretty Tony.
“Come on son. You’re next.” I jumped up and sat in Mr. Ed’s black leather chair. “Mr. Ed can you tighten up my back after you finish with the curl. It’s lookin’ a little ragged.”
“Sure I can, son. Sure I can.” He began parting my hair and putting Vaseline around the edges of my scalp. I was glad! Last time, he didn’t do that and my edges were raw. “Quick, what you been doin’ with your life lately?”
“Nothin’ much. My leg is still botherin’ me so I chill most of the day. But, I still hang with the ladies, if you know what I mean.”
“Yeah, I know, son.” He started spreadin’ on the perm. It had an extra foul smell, like a mixture of rotten eggs and gas. I grabbed my nostrils. “So, Quick, besides the ladies, what else do you do? You’re a young man; you should be goin’ to school or learnin’ a trade.”
“Yeah, well I don’t know what I want right now. So, I’m takin’ it easy ‘till I find out.”
“Okay, son. It’s your life.” The perm was burning now. I felt layers of my scalp melting. I didn’t say anything. I wanted the perm to take.
“So, Mr. Ed, did you watch the game?”
“Yeah son. Kareem is somethin’ else! He’s unstoppable!” My scalp is on fire now. I don’t say anything ‘cause it’s about time. “Okay, son, let’s rinse out now.”
We walked over to a sink and I laid back in the chair, resting up next to it. The warm water rinsing over my scalp felt g-o-o-d! I was feelin’ good too, until I looked up at Mr. Ed. His eyes were popped open like he’d seen a ghost.
“Uh son, hold still.” He kept rinsing. After a moment, he stopped and wrapped a warm, itchy towel over my head. Then, he walked me over to a mirror. “Okay son, stay calm now. You’re not a woman. Your life isn’t tied up in your hair. And, I got this toxin that can cure anything.”
“Cure what?” He pulled off the towel. I had no hair! Red, seeping blisters covered my scalp. I looked like a fuckin’ burn victim. “Oh my God! What have you done!”
“Now calm down, son! Calm down. If you put the toxins on your head regular, like, it’ll cure the situation.”
“Mr. Ed, I got a date tonight! What am I gonna do! I can’t walk around like this!” I began pacing the floor of the shop. Every time I touched my scalp, I flinched. “Just give me the toxins so I can leave!”
“Okay, son. Okay.” Mr. Ed reached into a drawer next to his chair and pulled out a bottle and handed it to me. I, in turn, stomped out of the shop. I was home in two seconds flat.
As soon as I opened the door, my brother began laughing. “Ha-ha-ha. You look crazy! Man, what Page Four happened to your hair?”
“Shut up, Rick! Mr. Ed fucked me up!”
He followed me down the hall to the room we shared.
“D-a-m-n, what you gonna do now?”
“I got some stuff to put on my hair. I’ll be okay.” I pushed him away and slammed the door. Then, I looked in the small mirror I kept on my night stand. I sat looking in it for at least thirty minutes. I was in shock! Then, I spotted my latest Full Force record. Girls always told me I looked as good as the guys on the cover. Soon, tears began to fill my eyes. My life was over! No more dances, no more parties, no more chicks! I’d probably end up like my cousin Jermaine, spending money to get some dude’s hair done. Shit! I heard a knock at the door.
“Richard, it’s your mother. Let me in. Your brother told me what happened.” I got up and unlocked the door. I didn’t say anything. “Ah baby, come here. Let momma see.” She looked me over and shook her head. “Richard, this is why Momma always told you to stick with what God gave you. He didn’t mean for us to start putting chemicals on our head, tryin’ to change his original design.” She patted me on my cheek. “Baby, let me see what you got to treat your scalp.” I pulled out a bottle and gave it to her. “M-m-m, African Cure, guaranteed to heal burns, lesions and psoriasis. Well, it’s worth a try.”
“Yeah, I guess.” That night, Momma made me a special dinner. We ate smoked turkey legs with greens and corn bread. Afterwards, I showered and looked at the time. It was a quarter to nine. I didn’t know what to do. Just thinking about Levita made my nuts hurt. But, she’d never want me now. I put on some after shave lotion anyway. Then, I put on a nice shirt, tight jeans and my Members Only jacket. As I walked to Levita’s house, I began thinking. I came up with something just as I knocked on her apartment door.
“Hey Levita.”
“O-o-h, Quick!” She jumped back a little. “What happened to you?”
“Baby, you won’t believe it.” I walked in. “After I saw you today, I ran to the other side of town to help out with this clothes drive for church. And on the way, I saw these guys tryin’ to rob this old lady.” I pushed my chest out. “I got upset. That old lady looked just like my sweet big momma. So, I had to do something.” I danced around doing short jabs like Mohammad Ali. “I started fighting them and hitting them, but for a second they got the best of me. One of them pulled out a knife and the other two held me down while the guy with the knife cut off my hair.
Finally, I pushed the two guys off and punched the guy with the knife. They ran away, but it was too late. They got me. And, now, I don’t have any hair.” I dropped my head and looked down. Then, I looked up at her with two big puppy dog eyes.
“Quick, that’s terrible! Did you call the police?”
“Baby, you know the police don’t care about Black folks. Naw, I didn’t call them.”
“Come here.” She wrapped her arms around me and held me tight. She rubbed her fingers over my head. It stung a little. “Quick, I’m gonna make you feel better tonight. Come on.” She dragged me back into a bedroom. Hey, the rest is history.
After that, I never got a curl again. Mainly, because my hair never grew back. I put that African Cure on my head for a whole year. It did heal my burns, but I found out too late that it caused permanent hair loss. But, that’s c-o-o-l. The bald look is in now anyway and the chicks s-t-i-l-l love me.
