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This writing was accepted for publication in the 84 page perfect-bound issue... cc&d magazine (v211) (the August 2010 Issue) |
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Order this issue from our printer as an ISSN# paperback book:  or as the ISBN# book “come fly with me”:  |
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Sachiko
Steven Hertel
I spotted her in Akihabara, and for a while I was happy. It was her eyes. So alive and large. Luminous and beautiful. I fell in love. We were together and it was good. But like all things, it ended.
)(
When I got off my flight in Narita there was no one to meet me. I had been working a fairly shit job in Melbourne. Retail. I was selling clothing on Chapel Street. I fucking hated that job, but wasn’t too bad at it. I was never the most motivated sort. Anyway, it was the promise of money that led me away. Led me away from home and my girlfriend Lynn. She was a pig anyway.
It was the promise of women that led me here if I’m to be totally honest. I didn’t feel too bad leaving Lynn. She was just there, like furniture. I was getting sick of her fat self always nagging at me, acting like she was the one doing me a favour.
Every woman I have ever been involved with has been a fatty. I used to wonder what about me attracted the bigger girls. My smell? Something about the way I looked? No. I have come to realize there’s nothing that makes me uniquely alluring to fat women. It’s just that fat women have to be that much more aggressive than the pretty ones. They settle for whatever the skinny girls don’t want.
Not many fat girls in Japan. And so I left. Japan: land of easy money and easy women.
()
Getting a job at an English language school proved to be tougher than expected. It seems they were not enamoured with my accent.
While I was born in London, my family made the move to Australia when I was 12. I always felt like a bit of a foreigner in Australia. Now I am a foreigner here. If I were to go back to England I would be a foreigner there.
Eventually I landed a job at a tavern, cash in hand. Not so bad. The owners were good to me.
But while the job stuff sorted itself, my personal life proved a tougher nut than I had hoped. No better than Melbourne. Worse actually. Not even a fat girl to keep me company.
I can’t communicate with women even when we speak the same fucking language, so you can imagine it’s even worse here. What’s wrong with me? I am ill at ease. Awkward. I get clammy. I talk a lot of shit. I say the wrong thing. Nervous. The girls here... they all seem like girls to me, they look at me and giggle. Surly it’s a language issue. I was hoping this would help me actually - I thought the lack of understanding might mask my general numskullary. That I might make more sense if they couldn’t understand the stupid words coming from my mouth. I thought I might come off as charming if I couldn’t be understood; a knowing smile and a wink would be all that was needed.
But no.
Two months of being alone in this grey rainy city. Tokyo could be a very lonely place. It was for me. I was alone when I went out to eat, alone at the movies. I would go to a night club in Kabukicho alone, and I would leave alone.
So I was alone. Alone and lonely. Alone, lonely, angry and frustrated.
)(
Akihabara. I’m not really one for gadgets. And this is a place for someone with a thing for gadgets. It’s also full of foreigners, and you might think that this would cheer me up. It didn’t. Seeing people from all over the planet didn’t bring me any kind of joy. It annoyed me. Seeing happy smiling tourists turned my stomach in fact.
Because they were tourists.
They didn’t live here, they didn’t have to go through what I was going through. A week or two, see some temples, buy a new camera, then fuck off. They never have to feel alone. So why was I here? The crowd comforted me. The individuals made me sick, but the crowd made me feel a little less lonely. The fast food, video arcades and coffee shops and the noise and lights.
()
A crowded shop. The tourists taking pictures and the Japanese buying. Four floors of movies, video games, comic books, sex toys, and scale models of various big breasted anime characters.
That’s where I found her. With her phosphorescent eyes. I was staring at her for a long time. I didn’t care who looked. She didn’t turn away. Her name was Sachiko. I had to have her, and that night she came home with me.
)(
Things were good between us until it ended. It did end though. It broke my heart. More than it should have, and more than I care to admit. I had gotten attached. It was wrong and sick. I knew. But leaving her was inevitable. We were found out. A curious roommate. I think he knew about us. I think he saw. I think he did. I panicked.
So I got rid of her.
I bound her ankles and wrists with packing tape. Her body was wrapped in a tarp, left in the waste receptacle outside the building. So nervous. Why was I worried? I have nothing to feel guilty about, I’ve done nothing wrong.
()
Our first night together was unbelievable. I was as awkward as ever, but I held my nerve. And she was patent with me. She just lay there and waited. Never looked annoyed, or said a word. She waited. Waited for me to take her in.
It was just me and her in the apartment that first night, we had all the time in the world to enjoy each other. Well, how much she enjoyed it is debatable. But the same could be said of any woman.
I was nervous. I thought the novelty of the situation would make it hard for me to perform. It’s not everyday I find myself with a beautiful woman, legs spread apart waiting for me.
I surprised myself.
)(
She lay there. I removed her panties slowly. Lovingly. I pulled her bra down, exposing her small pink perfect nipples. Not a blemish on her. Her lips remained slightly parted. Her mouth beautiful. Her eyes wide open as always, staring at the ceiling.
I entered her gently. Her expression static. Sounds were made. Sounds of air escaping. Wet suction sounds. They gave me pause at first. She didn’t mind, and it made me love her more. She lay there under me as I struggled with her limp legs falling off of my shoulders.
I was able to find a satisfactory position, with her on the bed, and me kneeling on the floor. Ultimate leverage. Her beautiful eyes never met my gaze. She continued to stare blankly at the ceiling. I kissed her mouth. I tasted cherry lip balm and silicone. When I came I could swear she blushed.
