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This writing was accepted for publication in the 84 page perfect-bound issue... cc&d magazine (v213) (the September 2010 Issue) |
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Walk With Me Awhile
Irene Ferraro
Outside, in the sun-blazed parking lot, the young people chattered. Children of hope and despair, they listed the contents of their dreams freely, never convinced that planted seeds bear fruit. This was a direct result of the bitter juice of their branches. To be young is often to be helpless, and helplessness often brings despair. They were neither wealthy nor privileged. Having been neatly and finally categorized as such, they embraced their plight. Attempting to survive where they were, they wore the uniform of the foresworn. One could read the future in their eyes. They had youthful dreams, but had been judged unlikely to succeed. They were considered a blight on the community, like their parents before them, and their parents before them. Now, it was that time of the spring ritual known as the Prom, and they were involved with the grandeur of the moment. They were in awe of themselves. Like many young men and women, their scope of the subject was limited and limited further by their limited circumstances. And yet, they were encouraged by an elder universe to pursue the night of satin swatches, tuxedo rentals, limo rides, and fulfilled wishes. Such is the urgency of humanity to be recognized as a living member of the human race. To not express desire when the expression was sought was to be dead. To greet every challenge as an invitation to combat was to be a hero. Life was a declaration of war. Half-lit wishes were steamed in the sunlight.
There was no one at the wheel of the car. It was an automobile of indeterminate make. It was parked. No one had seen it before, so it had just arrived. Most of these young people did not have cars, not even a parent’s car. The ebony vehicle was truly a novelty. And where did it come from? Maybe it was an ancient wagon, or an obscure foreign brand. There were no identifying details. Just the gleam of a brand new engine. Sunset is pink on the island of ooh-la-la because there is neither too much nor too little of anything.
Celina coasted to invention as best she could. Life was hills and valleys. After you got to the peak, you could just roll. She didn’t have a boyfriend, or a date for the prom, so she invented one. When she saw the fine, shiny car parked in a tight space, she casually mentioned that it belonged to her man, her escort for the Prom. Of course, it was not true, but there was no one around to refute the statement, which fell casually into the streams of conversation. Thereby, she flowed into the rivers of discourse, such as they were for the ever-youthful. Therefore, the car, a curiosity in their midst, was soon forgotten, waylaid by more pressing, personal issues. Therefore, Celina was surprised when she found the unspoken for set of wheels parked in front of her residence. Loitering alongside it was a handsome, young man. He was dressed in a manner that quietly and tastefully asserted wealth. Celina stopped in her path when she saw him.
“Did you mention my name?” the good – looker asked her.
“No,” Celina answered, truthfully.
“You’re not like most of the girls around here. You speak up,” he told her.
“What’s your name?” she asked .
“Adam,” he answered. “And your name is Celina. I asked around.”
“I don’t know if I like that,” Celina answered, demurely.
“You like it,” said Adam, “Because you’re a flirt.”
Celina slipped through time into the future in her mind and in her intentions. She felt suddenly bold.
“I like you, Adam,” she said, “And not just because you drive the fanciest car I have ever seen. Do you think you have room for a low-class girl like me in your front seat?”
“And the traditional back seat, too,” said Adam.
“You drive too fast, but I’ll slow you down,” said Celina.
“So, do you plan to go to the Prom with me, I hope?” asked Adam.
“Haven’t you heard? I was already planning to go with you,” answered Celina.
“Then it’s a done deal. We go together,” said Adam.
Spirits intertwined. Celina and Adam walked down the summer fields, hand in hand. They were a striking couple, though in that crowd of dewy eagerness they were barely noticed. Celina, with her sizzling attitude and her street wisdom was charmingly irresistible. The combination of inexperience and smarts gave her a beauty that was peerless. Adam, with his polished sensitivity, was an undeniable catch. The fact that he was tuned in to the feelings of others while being unscarred himself, made all the girls sigh with longing. So Celina and Adam went away from their first meeting a true item. For Celina, the seeded fields were in bloom and alive with birds and butterflies. She giggled shamelessly. Adam smiled at her girlishness.
“See you tonight?’ he asked her.
“I’ll be waiting,” she answered.
Adam left Celina at her front door. The remaining hours sped by with the fever of anticipation. Celina dressed dreamily for the encounter. What is the likelihood that one will get to know and hold the love of one’s life? Celina never thought of the odds, therefore she did not feel lucky. She felt only Adam and his impending presence. Celina studded her hair with flowering nuance and waited with humility for her prince to arrive. He drove up to her door in that same gleaming automobile.
“Now, my future princess, descend your celestial stairway and find your seat in my carriage. Your pumpkin awaits you,” said Adam.
“Just call me Cinderella,” said Celina.
Adam drove , on that balmy evening, through a shower of stars, to a place reserved for lovers only. In a moonlit nook, he set their table with wine and bread and cans of tuna. He sniffed the cork and then laid it on the table he had brought.
“I knew you would be hungry,” he said. He handed Celina a can opener and fork. Then, he opened the package of bread and poured some wine into paper cups. “I know you are old enough to drink,” he said.
“Is my heart old enough to be here alone, with you?” asked Celina. She felt that she was diving into an unknown and delightful pit from which there was no escape. She did not want to be rescued.
And so the stars burned down, candles into patient dishes. There was morning, spun from the night before, woven by expectation. The new sun found Celina in her bed. She had not arrived home too late, not wishing to arouse her mother and father. She wanted Adam for the Prom. Parental disapproval would only get in her way.
Celina wore out her shoe heels looking for a dress. It had to be special because it was the Prom and Adam was her escort. She saw him every day. Her parent’s tongues clicked and scolded. His time with her wasn’t hastily squeezed in between other essential happenings. He was the central event of every twenty-four hours. The older folk told her, “You need to study, you need to rest.” But it was almost summer and a chapter in her life was ending, another soon to begin. She could study and rest anytime. Adam and this milestone in her life were not to be ignored or wasted.
And then Celina’s mom and dad wanted to meet Adam’s mom and dad. They told him to bring them with him on Prom night. Adam did not answer. His silence was taken to be an assent. Later, alone with Celina, he became agitated.
“Celina, I can’t bring my mother and father to meet your mother and father,” he told her.
The plan had been that Adam would take that fabulous car, with Celina as passenger, to the Prom and back again. With such a stunning vehicle, what need for the traditional limousine? Celina though Adam’s sudden lack of valor had to do with the car and their intention to use it on that important night.
“But you always drive that car, Adam. You practically live in it,” said Celina. “Why are they objecting now? We don’t drink or do drugs?”
“That’s not the reason. It’s my car and I can do what I want. I can’t do this for you, but I want to be with you. Tell me how to do both,” said Adam.
“Why won’t your mom and dad come?” asked Celina. “Don’t they like me? How can they decide that they don’t like me? I never even met them. They don’t know me. It’s not fair for them to judge me,”
Celina had become excited. She was shouting, but Adam didn’t seem to notice.
“I love you, Celina,” he said, “I’m young, but I know I love you now, and that I always will. We are our own forever. I have never felt like this about anyone before, and I have had lots of girls.”
“Adam, what’s going wrong?” Celina asked.
“Baby, I am all alone,” he told her.
“You don’t have a mother and father?” Celina asked.
“Girl, I have stolen too much time. I have taken too much of your love. But this is the way love is, Celina. What you don’t have anymore, you will keep forever. That’s my forever gift to you,” said Adam.
He seemed to be pleading. What was he asking of her? A panic of loss rose like a choking vine around Celina.
“Adam, you are my whole life, now,” was all Celina could say.
“I am all alone,” Adam said. He was moaning, and no longer quite coherent. His words were spoken clearly, but his soul was slurring his speech, as though he were not quite sure that he wanted to say them.
“Adam, are you alright? Do you want me to drive?” asked Celina.
“No,” he answered her, “I am taking you home. I can’t be with you anymore tonight. I am taking you home. I am all alone.”
Celina was afraid to protest. Adam drove her home and left her on her doorstep.
The Prom was the next evening. Celina did not hear from Adam all day, which was not typical. She phoned him and phoned him. She went to the library and sent him messages that would take a year to read, but Adam did not respond to any, at all. The day dragged on, with Celina pretending nothing was wrong. She dressed for her Prom and waited for Adam. His hour of arrival came and went. When it was thirty minutes past that, Celina called him again, urgently, but like before, the phone kept ringing with no prompting to leave a message. Celina’s heart beat hard and fast, like a demanding drum requiring attention. She paid it no heed, for Adam would surely come and then everything, including her aching heart, would be fine. But Adam didn’t come. Hours later, Celina stood by the window still in her Prom dress. She felt rooted to the spot, like permanent décor. Then, all of a sudden, the gleaming, purring, fantastic car pulled up to the curb in front of that same window, in plain sight of Celina’s anguished vision.
“Adam!” she cried, weeping tears of forgiving joy. She ran outside to the vehicle. The dark, humid night draped her bare shoulders. Adam did not exit the car, so Celina ran to the driver seat door, which was unlocked, and opened it, and looked inside so she could embrace Adam. Adam was not there. In fact, no one was inside the car. Which meant that the car had driven to her home without a driver, or passenger, or any control, or human impulse. Celina understood the improbability of the incident she was witnessing. She fainted in the street, a puddle of tears and fake silk.
The driverless car remained a mystery to all who heard of its existence. Records were checked, but no one could determine ownership. Adam never returned and was never located. Nor was any family of Adam found. No firm conclusion could be drawn about the origin of the car or the man. Some felt it was from another planet and Adam was an alien being. Some felt the car and Adam were part of classified military research. Others felt the disappearing act was connected to syndicate crime. Still others felt that Adam was an upper class snob who had gotten tired of his working class toy. Celina accepted none of this. Adam was somewhere and she loved him. She would always love him.
Adam and the car became a part of public record. Both were deemed unexplained. Celina was part of the mystery. She was given the role of jilted prom date and partner in weird events. She did not like the role she played, but she played it for lack of any other. Nothing else happened for awhile. Then the car disappeared . It had been towed away to who knows where, and then it vanished. Celina was convinced Adam had taken it. She was sure he would come back to her. Her opinion was not widely shared. She was ignored, except for when she was ogled as a local oddity. The eventual conclusion was that it had been an elaborate prank. Celina was devastated . Her heart had been broken for the first, and last time. She found that all of the attention had, after all, been embarrassing. People laughed at her, outright. She did not go out much anymore. She took to solo haunting of what had been Adam’s favorite spots. And in one of these, one sultry, summer day, Celina herself disappeared, for the first, and last time. No one ever found her, either. Some decided that she had simply come to the end of her road with them. Some felt she had been taken into a spaceship. Whatever the cause, Celina passed into mystery. She lives now in the haze of spring promises. Whenever the days grow longer and the privacy of night grows briefer, one may see, in the uncertain distance, a metallic flash of speed on wheels. Or the milky air of night may be stirred by fleeting headlights. You, yourself, may pursue, on whatever green fields you can find hunting for dew on the tender grasses, the glowing shadow that moves in darkness. If you chase the image, you may find the legacies of romance driving down well-known roads. If you should happen to catch the blossom of invention, you will see a momentary engine riding the highways of longing, empty of passenger, vacant of will.
