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story by Leland Thoburn

George Rekers Voted into I LIE Institute’s Hall of Fame

by Hector Guano

Staff Writer

    May 15, 2010. Truth or Consequences, New Mexico. In a unanimous first round ballot, the prestigious Institute for the Logical Interpretation of Events (I LIE) has voted professor George Rekers into its Creative Reasoning Hall of Fame, located here in Truth or Consequences, New Mexico.
    “This was really a no-brainer,” stated Aloysius Boil, Director of I LIE. “The triumph of attitude over fact, of chutzpah over common sense; this was simply a stunning example of what one man can do when confronted with the truth.”
    George Rekers, Psychologist, Christian minister, and renowned clinical expert in the matter of “sexual identity disorder” (i.e. anti-gay), was recently caught on film returning from a ten-day European vacation with rentboy (male prostitute) Jo-Vanni Roman.
    Mr. Rekers mounted a vigorous defense. His web site states:
    “A recent article in an alternative newspaper cleverly gave false impressions of inappropriate behavior because of its misleading innuendo, incorrectly implying that Professor George Rekers used the Rentboy website to hire a prostitute to accompany him on a recent trip.”
    “Following medical advice Professor George Rekers requires an assistant to lift his luggage in his travels because of an ongoing condition following surgery.”
    While Roman went on CNN explaining Rekers’ preference for the “long stroke,” Rekers came further to his own defense, stating:
    “Like Jesus Christ, I deliberately spend time with sinners with the loving goal to try to help them.” Of course Mr. Rekers also said that he learned Roman was a prostitute only midway through their vacation. “I had surgery,” Rekers said, “and I can’t lift luggage. That’s why I hired him.” Off of the rentboy.com website. And in the photograph that started it all, Mr. Rekers can be seen lifting his luggage onto a cart while the rentboy watched.
    “Like Cal Ripken’s 2,632 consecutive major league baseball games, we believe Mr. Rekers achievement may never be equaled,” Boil went on to proclaim. “If this Institute lasts a thousand years, we may look back and say, ‘This was our finest hour.’”
    In honor of the event, I LIE has established the honorable George A. Rekers Chair in Creative Reasoning About Problems (CRAP), bestowing the esteemed BS degree (Bachelor of Sophistry) each year on the most deserving individual or organization.
    “The Institute is honored, and humbled, to announce that Lawrence (“I did not have sex with that 16 year-old prostitute to whom I paid $300 and who only watched me masturbate for an hour in my hotel room.”) Taylor, former New York Giant football great, will be the first recipient of a BS from the I LIE Institute’s George A. Rekers Chair of CRAP,” stated a proud. Boil.
    When reached for comment, Mr. Taylor would only say, “That’s a load of crap.”
    “Exactly,” beamed Boil, who went on to state that the Institute was considering an annual “creative reasoning” award. The winner each year would receive a “crappy,” though as we went to press there was no word on what the iconic figure on the statuette would be. “We’ve floated several ideas about, but we’re going to have to push something through quickly if we’re going to give Mr. Rekers the timely recognition he so richly deserves,” stated Boil.
    The Institute is perhaps best known for its quadrennial series of Presidential debates.



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