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My Female Intuition

Rufus Ryan

    As I waited for my bus, I smoked cigs while I looked at strangers.
    After I realized that there was a small pile of cig butts near my feet, I became anxious. I asked my shoes, “Where the fuck is my bus?”
    As I looked at my shoes and waited for them to respond, I could feel someone’s presence approaching me. I looked up and made eye contact with the strange man that was coming towards me. At first glance, I thought the guy was unattractive, and as he got closer to me, his looks didn’t improve. He had shoulder-length blonde hair, a shaggy reddish-orange beard, and he looked like he hadn’t taken a shower in awhile.
    When “orange beard” was standing right in front of me, I fired up a “distraction.” And though my mom taught me not to talk to strangers, she also taught me not to be rude to strangers. So I gave the stranger a small smile. The guy smiled back at me, and he asked, “Is your hair naturally dirty-blonde, or do you put dirt in it?”
    I smiled at my shoes. “I put dirt in it.”
    The stranger laughed as he put his hand out towards me. “It calls me, Capleton.”
    I looked into his eyes as I shook his hand. “It?”
    Capleton grinned. “The voice in my head.”
    I giggled. “My friends and family call me, Andriana.”
    Capleton’s sense of humor made me feel comfortable being in his presence. So I decided to keep talking to him. “Where are you from, Capleton?”
    “Illinois.”
    “Cool.” I giggled. “What are you doing in California?”
    “I’m here to see the Pacific Ocean.”
    “Oh...are you leaving after you see it?”
    “No. I’m probably going to stay a couple weeks.”
    My bus arrived at the station. “Nice talking to you, Capleton. My bus is here.”
    Capleton pointed at my bus. “Hey! That’s my bus, too!”
    “You’re going to Santa Cruz?”
    “Yeah! Do you mind if I sit with you on the bus?”
    I smiled. “That’s cool with me.”
    Capleton was able to tell most of his life story on the way to Santa Cruz. He was very easy to talk to and he was charming. And though I wasn’t attracted to his face, I was attracted to his mind. Especially, because of his ambition to become a prosperous writer.
    After we got off the bus at the Santa Cruz bus station, we continued to talk. I asked, “So, where are you staying tonight, Capleton?”
    “Well, I want to experience what it’s like to be homeless. So, I’m going to live on the streets while I’m out here.”
    “Oh...that’s cool. Maybe you’ll get some inspiration for your writing from the homeless experience. Just watch out for people that talk to themselves.”
    I started rolling up a cig. Capleton asked, “Do you think you can roll one up for me?”
    I laughed. “You are becoming a bum, aren’t you?”
    Capleton laughed. I asked, “Do you want to walk me to my apartment?”
    “Yeah, sure.”
    We puffed on our cigs as we walked and talked. And by the time we got to my apartment, the darkness of night had arrived. I said, “Well, it was nice to meet you, Capleton.” I smiled. “I guess I’ll be seeing you on the streets and beaches while you’re here.”
    “Yeah...I’m sure you’ll see me here and there.”
    I giggled. “I just hope you will be able to find a cardboard box to sleep in tonight.”
    As Capleton laughed, I thought about how I wanted to get to know him better.
    When Capleton started walking away, I yelled, “Hey, Capleton!” He turned around. “Come back.”
    He walked back to me. I smiled. “Do you want to come in for a drink before you go?”
    “That’d be cool! Thanks!”
    When we got in my apartment, we both set our backpacks on the floor. I said, “Have a seat on the couch.” I took off my jacket and tossed it on the floor. “Do you like herbal tea, Capleton?”
    “Yeah, that’d be great, thanks.”
    I kicked my sandals off. “I’ll put some music on before I go in the kitchen and get the tea.” I showed him a CD case. “Do you like the Dead Warlocks?”
    “Yeah, I do.”
    After I put on the music, I went in my kitchen to make the tea. As I watched the water boil, I wondered what Capleton was doing and what he was thinking about while he sat alone in my front room.
    Holding two cups of hot tea, I slowly walked backwards into the front room. Capleton laughed as he set down the book that he was reading. He said, “You’re weird.”
    I giggled. “I prefer to be called strange.” I set his cup of tea on the coffee table. “Here you go.”
    “Thanks, Andriana.” He took a sip of the tea. “You’re so fucking cool.”
    “You’re welcome, and thanks.”
    I sat next to Capleton on the couch. “Do you like the tea?”
    As Capleton responded to my question, I noticed some deep scars on his neck; scars that I hadn’t noticed when he was sitting or standing to my left; scars that made me wonder about his past. Capleton said, “Yeah, I like this flavor.” He took a sip. “Do you go to college, Andriana?”
    “Yeah. I go to UCSC.”
    “Is that here in Santa Cruz?”
    “Yeah! And we have an awesome campus. Especially if you like nature. You should check it out.”
    “Yeah, I should.”
    I smiled. “Tomorrow morning I’m going to read that short story that you gave me.”
    “Cool! I hope you like it. It took a couple months to write that story.” He took a sip of his tea. “It was really fucking hard to come up with an ending that was realistic.”
    “Yeah, writing is fucking hard. Even short poems.”
    “Oh, hey! While you were making the tea, I read that poem that you gave me. I loved it! And I think you should try to get your poetry published!”
    I smiled at him as I put my hand on his knee. “You really liked my poem, Capleton?”
    “For sure! I loved it!”
    I took my hand off his knee. “How old are you, Capleton?”
    “I’m twenty-nine.” He grinned. “You?”
    “I’m nineteen.”
    “So that would make you a sophomore.”
    “Yup.”
    “What’s your major?”
    “Criminology.”
    Capleton’s face lit up. He said, “Cool! I like crime, too.”
    I gave him a strange look. He said, “No, no, I didn’t mean it like that.” He pulled a book from his backpack and he handed it to me. “I like to study crime, too. That book is about an infamous serial killer from Illinois.”
    “Oh...cool.” I took a sip of my tea. “Have you ever committed a crime, Capleton?”
    He laughed. “Yeah...well, if you want to call driving too fast a crime. Then yes, I have committed a crime before.”
    I fired up a cig. “Would you ever commit a serious or violent crime, Capleton?”
    Capleton put a confused look on his face. “I don’t think I would...but...no, I don’t think I would.”
    I laughed as I pulled a joint from my tobacco pouch. “I commit crimes every day.” I giggled. “I want to commit a crime right now. If you want to call smoking a psychoactive substance a crime.”
    Capleton laughed. “No, I wouldn’t call that a crime.”
    “I don’t think it’s a crime, either. I think weed is a wonderful and useful medicine that needs to be fucking legalized!”
    “Fuck yeah!” Capleton looked at the joint. “I have really been fiending for some weed since I smoked my last joint at a train station in San Antonio.”
    I laughed. “Fiending?”
    “Yeah...you know...craving something.”
    I fired up the joint. “Well...” I passed the joint. “This should stop your fiending.”
    After he hit the joint, he started choking out the smoke that he inhaled. He said, “Wow! This stuff is potent!” He passed the joint back to me. “You’re so fucking cool, Andriana.”
    I smiled. “Here.” I handed him a cookie. “Eat this pot cookie, too.”
    Capleton took a bite of the cookie. “Fucking delicious!” He laughed as he shook his head. “Pot cookies...you people out here are way ahead of us.”
    As we passed the joint back and forth to each other, we continued to talk. I asked, “So, what do you think?”
     Capleton laughed. “About what?”
    “About Santa Cruz.”
    “Oh...well, I love what I’ve seen so far. But I get the feeling that some fucked-up shit happens here.”
    “Yeah, but fucked-up shit happens everywhere, right?”
    “Yeah, it does. Especially behind closed doors.”
    I laughed. “I’m just curious. Why did you come here to see the Pacific?”
    “Well, I was going to go to San Francisco. But I thought it would be easier to survive on the streets in a smaller city.” He grinned. “So I chose a smaller city that was near the ocean and San Francisco...Santa Cruz!”
    The weed was starting to alter my mood. I giggled as I looked at the piece of weed that was hanging from Capleton’s beard. I thought, This guy is harmless.
    I passed the joint. “Some fucked-up shit did happen here awhile back.”
    “Really? What happened?”
    “A few serial killers lived here in the seventies. They were practically next-door neighbors, and they all went on a killing spree at the same time.” I pointed at my door. “They all lived right by here. Right near the boardwalk.”
    “Really! That’d be cool to see where they lived.” He passed the joint to me. “How many people did they kill?”
    I took a puff from the joint. “The most notorious killer killed three or four college girls.” I picked up my cat and put him on my lap. “Girls that were hitchhiking near the campus.”
    Capleton put a surprised-look on his face. “Oh, fuck!” He pet my cat. “Are you talking about Pete Pemper?”
    “Yeah...how did you know?”
    “I read about him. Did you know that he also killed his mother?”
    “No, I didn’t know that.”
    “Yeah,” said Capleton. “And what he did to her...well...murder doesn’t get much more gruesome. But I thought he lived in San Francisco.”
    I put my cat in Capleton’s lap. “Nope. He lived right near here. Like I said, right down by the boardwalk. Which is only about two minutes from here.”
    Capleton’s face lit up. “Can you show me where he lived?”
    I sighed as I pet my cat. “I would, Capleton. But I’m really tired from riding on buses all day.”
    “I understand.” He smiled. “You’re really beautiful and kind, Andriana.”
    I blushed. “Thanks, Capleton. You’re sweet.”
    “Thanks...and thanks for the weed and the tea.” He stood up from the couch. “I better get going. I have to find somewhere to sleep tonight. I hope I run into you while I’m in town.”
    I didn’t want him to leave; I wanted him to stay the night with me. I didn’t want to do anything sexual with him, but I just wanted his presence to be in my home. And because my intuition told me that he wouldn’t try to do me any harm, I felt comfortable letting him stay the night with me. I reasoned, If he wanted to rape me, he would have tried by now.
    Capleton grabbed his backpack, and just as he put his hand on the doorknob, I said, “Wait!”
    He turned around and looked at me. I said, “I know you want to experience being homeless, but why don’t you spend the night at my apartment tonight, and then start your homeless adventure tomorrow.”
    He smiled. “You’re very generous...and trusting!” He set his backpack on the floor. “I’d love to stay the night here. Thanks so much, Andriana.”
    I smiled. “You’re quite welcome. You can sleep on the couch.”
    He laughed. “That’s better than a cardboard box.”
    We both laughed. I said, “Well, I’m going to bed.” I got up from the couch. “Knock on my bedroom door if you need anything.”
    “I will, Andriana. Thank you so much!”
    “You’re welcome.” I pet Jerry. “You’ll probably have to share the couch with Jerry.”
    Capleton started petting Jerry. “That’s cool. I love cats.”
    I smiled at Jerry, then at Capleton. “Good night, Capleton.”
    “Sweet dreams, Andriana.”
    I went to my bedroom, and after I got completely naked, I got in my bed. Then I turned off my lamp and I closed my eyes.
    As I prepared to sleep, all I thought about was Capleton. I worried that he might attempt to enter my room without permission. So, I grabbed my knife from my nightstand and I put it under my pillow. I said, “This is fucking crazy...he could be crazy.”
    The fear in my mind was dominating my thoughts, but my thoughts were getting me aroused. So, while I held my knife in one hand, I used my other hand to masturbate as I visualized Capleton forcibly entering “my room.”
    Right before I entered the dream world, I saw an image of Capleton sleeping on my couch.
    Capleton followed me into the dream world, and into the dream world’s herb store. I needed to get several different herbs for a concoction that I wanted to make. I bagged up the herbs, and Capleton put the price tags on the bags. We were in the store for what seemed like hours. And by the time we were paying the clerk, Capleton and I were naked. We laughed hysterically as we walked towards the store’s door, and after we went through the doorway, I woke up.
    After I got out of bed, I got dressed. Then I went to the front room to check on Capleton, but he wasn’t sleeping on the couch. And after I checked every room in my apartment, I concluded that he was gone. I said, “I need some tea.”
    As I watched the water boil, I asked myself, “Where the fuck did he go?”
    After my tea was done, I sat on my couch and smoked a joint as I wondered where Capleton had gone. I asked Jerry, “Where did Capleton go? Huh? You scare him away?”
    As I wondered about Capleton, I started reading the short story that he gave me. I read the first sentence aloud. “I was going to give her a chance; let her show me that she was compassionate. If she showed me any hostility, I was going to—”
    I stopped reading. I asked myself, “What the fuck is this story about?”

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