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in the 84 page perfect-bound issue...
Down in the Dirt magazine (v099)
(the October 2011 Issue)




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The Illegitimate Furniture

Ron Richmond

    A man awakens to find his wife tossing the sofa into the street.

    “Why are you doing this?” he shouts as an ottoman sails past his head.

    “I must rid our house of all this illegitimate furniture,” she replies, hoisting a coffee table overhead.

    “But I always assumed they were married,” whines the man.

    “Not so, they are all the offspring of illicit furnication,” she says.

    “Oh! You bastards of illumination,” the man shrieks as he angrily throttles the lamps.

    “No!” screams his wife, “The lamps were lawfully wed, you’ve just orphaned the nightlight in the bathroom.”



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