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The Deal

Anne Turner Taub

    The teacher Ms. Elizabeth Bardis, was elderly—well over 70—and the students were very young. She taught junior high school students—l3, l4, l5—still young enough to be called pupils. Alvin Long and Gail Harte were two young lovers whose attraction for each other the teacher had watched from its very beginning. At first there were the sidelong glances, the looking away when caught by the other, the meetings that were, as the song goes, “not really by chance.” She could see in the girl’s eyes the fantasies that she herself had had long, long ago. The dreaminess, the longings for she-knew-not-what, the adoration—feelings the girl would never have the same way again. Oh, she would have fantasies about boys, and later about men, but the boundless purity, the insane exaggeration of a first romance would be gone forever when this one ended—however it ended.
     Ms. Bardis experienced again her old yearnings, the feelings that she imagined the girl was going through. Even as she felt the long-dormant sexual twinges ripple through her, against the shadow of envy that followed, she knew it was too late for romance ever to happen to her again. But she enjoyed the girl’s experience as if it were her own.
    In about two weeks, the boy and girl were walking into class with their arms tightly wound around each other. At lunchtime they ate together and after school they waited for each other. She watched as they constantly slipped notes to each other, which she never seemed to see. The girl came into class with a new charm bracelet, the boy with a new sweater. They wore them to school every day.
    In Spring, the midwinter break came. The teacher was eager to see her little lovebirds again. But on this first day, Alvin walked into class with a new girl, his arm around her waist, their heads close to each other in animated conversation. Gail, who came in late the first day, looked haggard and thin. The charm bracelet was no longer in evidence. As the term went on, the girl grew thinner and thinner.
    The teacher became concerned—the girl should be getting over it by now. Months had gone by. Gail had been an excellent student but now her work had become erratic and substandard. Several times the teacher noticed tears rolling down the girl’s face. Ms. Bardis wanted badly to reach out and comfort her, but in her position she felt there was nothing she could say. She was “the adult” and in situations like these, she could easily be seen as the enemy.
    One day the girl dropped her purse—a tiny little leather thing with a drawstring. As she stooped to pick it up, the teacher noticed something fall out. She was a little taken aback. It was very shiny—a long metal object and it looked like suspiciously like a knife. Weapons, of course, were forbidden in the school but the teacher felt that the last thing in the world she wanted to do to this child was to embarrass her in front of the class. Since the period had just begun, she decided she would wait till the class was over.
    Suddenly, the girl got up and ran out of the room. The other students were startled, there was a moment of silence, and then they began talking to each other excitedly. The teacher immediately gave them a writing assignment and slowly walked out of the room. Hopefully, the girl would be in the lavatory. As she opened the door, she saw the girl standing by the window, the knife held at a perpendicular angle to her wrist. The teacher gently walked over to her and said, “Please give me the knife, Gail. Believe me, dear, nothing is worth it. “The girl looked at her. Instead of the anger the teacher expected, there was only anguish and pleading in the girl’s eyes. The girl shook her head, tears still falling from her eyes. “I want to die,” she said, “just let me die.”
    “Please give me the knife,” the teacher repeated. You are too young to die.” The girl shook her head again. “He doesn’t want me any more. I don’t know what I did wrong.” Her hands rose to cover her crying eyes, the knife held precariously straight up in the air.
    “How did it happen?” Mrs. Bardis asked.
    “I don’t know. Spring vacation came. He stopped calling me and wouldn’t answer my calls. He never said anything to me, never told me what I did wrong. Then one day I saw him walking with Jeannie, and he didn’t even say hello. Like he didn’t know me.
    Mrs. Bardis’ heart ached with pity for the girl. “You didn’t do anything wrong,” she said. “That’s the kind of person he is. The kind of person he will always be. One day he will do the same thing to Jeannie, and maybe even one day to his own wife.”
    Gail looked up at her, rubbing her eyes. “How do you know all this. You’re so, so—-“
    “Old?”
    Gail, embarrassed, began apologizing.
    “Yes, I am old. But believe me, Gail, I have been there. That’s why I say it’s not worth it.”
    “I just want to end it all, Mrs. Bardis, please.”
    “You asked how I know all this?”
    “Yes.”
    “There was a time when I was very much in love, just like you. I was until I learned from a friend that he was married. I was devastated and broke it off, but I couldn’t forget him. Then I heard that his wife was divorcing him, and I thought great, now we can be together.”
    “Well, what happened?”
    Then I found out why she was divorcing him. He was seeing another woman, and not only that.” Mrs. Bardis’ mouth tightened up and her eyes closed, but she continued. “Not only was he going with another woman when he was married and seeing me.”
    Mrs. Bardis looked at Gail who had stopped crying and was staring at her, stunned.
    “Gail, you have asked how I know all this. Have you ever noticed, I am sure you have, that I wear long sleeves no matter what the season or the weather.”
    “Yes, Mrs. Bardis.”
    “What did you think of it? Thought it looked dowdy?”
    Gail was embarrassed, but couldn’t bring herself to deny it. Then she looked up at Mrs. Bardis, “You don’t mean...?”
    “Yes.” The teacher rolled up her sleeves and on each wrist was a small horizontal scar.
    “Luckly, I didn’t know how to do it right and was stopped in time.”
    She took the knife out of Gail’s hand, and Gail released it easily. “Let’s go back to class, dear,” Mrs. Bardis said. “I think you have learned today’s lesson.”
    To Mrs. Bardis’ surprise, Gail reached over and kissed her on the cheek. Together they went back to class.

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