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cc&d (v232) (the May 2012 Issue



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Wednesday for Dick

Brandon A.M.

I couldn’t shit again and it was Wednesday.
    I read a book by Drucker and sobbed in my bedroom. The comforter was paisley. The phones were ringing in my apartment. I mocked myself in a pocket mirror for not understanding how to use my cell phone. I listened to a Bruce Springsteen album, and then posed. I stopped posing because Springsteen wouldn’t do it. I started posing again because he always did. I ordered chinese from the Twin Dragon, and when the delivery man arrived I pretended not to be home. I tried to do pushups and did one.
    I went out.
    When I came back I tried to shit again. I laughed at a small statue of a monkey inquisitively holding a skull. I circled both my nipples with a dry erase marker. I wondered what I’d look like with a mustache. I worried about the comment my mailman made concerning my lack of neck girth.
    I was going to grow my hair long again. I needed more collared shirts.
    I left my apartment again, and put a note on the door that read, “Honey, go around back.” I went back inside. I called a former concubine’s cell and asked her if she remembered me. I laid on the couch with my head hanging over the edge, upside down, and became emotional. I hopelessly drifted around my apartment like a ghost, but moaned less than the one that was already there.
    I wondered aloud, “Boxers or briefs?”
    I had no answers.
    I made six protein shakes, drank three, and vomited on my burberry coat. I got in my car and drove away. While coasting through a crosswalk, I yelled nonsense at a man my age. I went food shopping. I came back and parked my car. I couldn’t walk anymore because my legs were sore because I got too many groceries because I was hungry and because I lived on the second floor.
    I tried to shit again and thought about some things.



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