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The History Teacher

John Ragusa

    I enjoy my work as a college professor at night school. Teaching has always been a pleasure for me, and I wouldn’t give it up for anything. I wouldn’t have any other job. It’s a joy to give information to my students; I’m never happier than when I’m behind the podium, giving a lecture on American History.
    I know a lot about America, dating back to when the nation got started. I can describe its historical events in minute detail; I’m very thorough when I lecture. I’m just as comfortable discussing the Revolutionary War as talking about the Iraqi War. I know the entire period in America’s existence; there’s no telling how far I’d go if I had attended college myself. Reading gave me a lot of the data needed to teach history. Over the years, my history books have kept me well-informed. They’re worth every cent I paid for them.
    I tell my pupils the small details as well as the whole story; this has proven to be the best way to teach.

    I’m equally competent at informing people of the personal lives of legendary Americans; this is even more fascinating than the public facts about them. When I talk about an important person, my students get to learn about the private life of the man or woman. No one is better at knowing these things as I am.
    I might even write a textbook on American History one day, and this would be fun and profitable. No one would be as qualified as me to do this.
    I don’t think I’ll ever retire; I want to go on teaching forever. I will never stop doing it. It’s tremendously rewarding for me. I would teach even if I weren’t paid to do it.
    It pleases me to know that all the folks I educate get good grades in my course. It means I’m doing my job well. This gives me a terrific sense of achievement.
    By lecturing on the things that helped shape our country, I am helping my students shape their lives. By giving them ideas about America, I am preparing them to make political decisions, as when they vote for and elect a public official. When they know about this nation, they understand how politicians act.
    I allow them to ask as many questions as they want. This is good, because it means they are interested in my class. I try to answer their questions to the best of my ability.
    I can be grateful for my photographic memory, because there would be no way I could remember things without it. It is a gift and a blessing.
    I attempt to make my lectures engaging so that my students don’t get bored. Once I lose their attention, I’m dead in the water.

    I’m not skilled to teach anything but American History. It is the subject I was born to teach.
    I don’t ever even ask for a raise, because teaching is a reward in itself. I honestly think I’d do it for free, if I had to.
    I don’t have to worry about my pupils cheating on exams; they learn and understand their subject so well, they don’t have to cheat. I can leave the classroom when they’re taking tests, because I can trust them not to cheat.
    They’ll retain what they learn, too; what I teach stays in the memory. They will never forget what I lecture about.
    Being a college teacher is better than high school teaching because I can trust the students to behave and pay attention. There aren’t any problems with decorum.
    I have never had an affair with any of my female students, either. I am very cautious when it comes to that.
    No pupil of mine has ever dropped my course. It’s a testament to my teaching ability that no one has ever done this.
    Many of my students have had great careers after graduating from my college. That might be the most rewarding thing about my job.
    I wish I could teach all day long, instead of just having my only class.
    I’m very lenient when it comes to giving homework. I believe that less of it is more. I don’t give a lot of it.

    My teaching career must be successful, since I’ve been doing it for decades now. The decision to teach was a wise choice for me to make.
    The reason why I can describe American History in such a vivid way is that I’ve lived through all of it; for you see, I am a vampire.
    Yes, as long as I can continue to drink fresh blood, I will keep on educating students about this wonderful land of ours.

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