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Untitled

Derek A Davis

After the universe exploded, I was the only survivor. Since there was nothing left in the universe, I decided to make another one. I thought to myself, “I should make a perfect universe.” So then I did. I went to the star-mine and gathered enough stars to fit into the universe that I was creating. I had complete creative control so there was nothing stopping me from making it how I wanted. I made each of the billions of star a different color so whenever anyone looked up there would be a beautiful starlight show, with a magical rainbow that blinds men’s eyes upon looking at it. I also planned on taking rainbows back, they were always pretty cool, but they didn’t have to represents something and have a connotation to it. Nature would just remain natural. I arranged all the stars in the universe to spell my name up, so everyone knew who was responsible for creating a perfect universe. As of the time I was creating the new universe, there was no one to appreciate what I was doing. I wanted this new universe to be perfect, so I put a lot of thought into everything I did. I began to make planets, each planet that has everything necessary to sustain life. One planet was made of chocolate, with chocolate lava, chocolate water, chocolate air, and even chocolate chocolate. Rightfully so, the next planet was made of ice cream, with egg nog rivers. I stated to feel like I had too much power, but that feeling quickly went away when I realized that I did not care. I said to myself “Why am I talking to myself? I should create people, but only cool people. I don’t want any dumb jerks messing up my perfect universe.” So I began creating people. I reached deep within myself and pulled out a highly concentrated strand of my awesome DNA and modeled people after pure coolness. I knew it would take several hours for the people to be done, so I went back to creating the universe. I know we all used to share one planet, so I made 100 planets that everyone could live on. I made everyone the same color so one could invent racism. I made everyone blue, and it was really cool. I thought about all of the problems the last universe had, war, hatred, fighting, suffering, etc. I did not want the people I created to suffer and live unhappy lives... “How much sense does it make if I have the power to make the entire universe harmonious and remove every kind of suffering there is to allow things like that to go on?” I thought to myself. “If I wanted everyone to suffer I would just make them suffer, but I want everyone happy, I want everyone to live in peace and never have to worry about being killed, robbed, or mistreated by any other person. I tried to imagine who ever created the last universe, and thought he must have not been very cool, whoever it was must have had the power to do everything since he created the universe, but there was so much fighting, famine, death, and illness, suffering and overall evil. He could have used his powers to stop that, but he didn’t. I would never want to see so much suffering, so I made it to where there was none. The people were finally finished, I spread them all across of the thousands of planets I created. There needed to be enough people for the universe to be awesome, so I though 9 hundred million billion was a good amount of people. I thought to myself, “hopefully the perfect universe I created would be perfect. How could it not be? I have unlimited power, and I am creating the universe and the people that live in it. I can at least control the people-nay! - Not control them, but when I create them just do so without instilling evil qualities into people. I am all powerful, it’s no big deal for me to disallow the mistreatment of humanity, I don’t want my creation to experience every pain, suffering, or sadness... after all why they fuck would I?!” But guess what!? Everyone lived happy lives; there was no kind of suffering for the rest of the history of forever. I thought that was pretty dope; everyone else did too. I was happy none of the people I created knew of the first universe; I’m glad they didn’t know what evil was, what it was to kill and hate people. That’s how life should be. I did it right. I finished everything; the universe was finally complete, and perfect. After a long hour of creating all of existence, I was pretty tired so I had to rest. I went to my home, which was atop the largest structure ever in existence (Mt. Saint Awesome), next door to the universe. Upon entering my house, I collapsed on my water bed filled with ambrosia and was left to lay with my thoughts. “It kind of sucks that the last universe was destroyed; of course I miss all of the people... I could just bring them back to life! I think I will, well why wouldn’t I? I have unlimited power and can do whatever I want!!!!!! That’s why I’m confused, the last creator of the universe had unlimited power and could do whatever he wanted but he just chose not to. He chooses to allow endless pain and suffering among the people he created. I never understood that, especially when the innocent people were harmed.... That was the worst thing for me to deal with, which is why no one will have to worry about any of that in this universe. They are going to actually have happy lives without promises of happiness after a long life of suffering. I am not going to tell people to live righteous lives and allow so much bad stuff to go on around them, that’s stupid. As a matter of fact, whoever made the last universe is no good in my book. What kind of person would do that? Oh well enough of that, I need to get back to relaxing, the universe can run itself.”

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