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This writing was accepted for publication
in the 84 page perfect-bound issue of
cc&d (v236) (the September 2012 Issue)

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an Appropriate Hell

Richard Fein

Never made much sense to me
whips, pitchforks, brimstone, the whole rigmarole.
The prince of dark cunning
should reward his minions if only to keep them loyal,
exalt and place the best workers on sulphurous thrones,
and pin goat horn medals on the most devoted.
This eternal burning stuff is not good publicity.
Hell isn’t run by the mightiest foe of God and man,
but by a grade 5 civil servant with seniority.
And the wages of sin couldn’t be death,
for then both good and evil would receive the same salary,
and that’s communism, God forbid.
As for their retirement benefits there’s the gold watch,
useless of course
for neither time nor glitter have any value down there.
Of course walking downstairs is easier than walking up,
but at the bottom there’s a processing center
with an eternity of forms to fill out,
and a waiting line so very long one can’t notice it’s circular
around a horned red-bodied pitchfork-wielding,
nitpicking intake clerk finishing his lunch break.
And it’s a long long long lunch break; after all, gluttony
is one of that sin-mongering clerk’s seven nicknames.



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