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They found her leg up a tree

Fritz Hamilton

    They found her leg up a tree.
    “Where’s the rest of her?” says Sgt Sweenie.
    “I’m stumped,” says young, skinny Officer Wood.
    “Put away your gun,” orders Sweenie.
“It won’t do us any good.”
    “If the murderer comes out of the bushes, it might.”
    “Just cause a leg’s up a tree doesn’t mean there’s been
a murder.”
    “You think it’s a suicide?
She jumped off a tall building, & thedead girl tore off her dead leg which ran to the tree & climbed up
to exhibit itself?”
    “That’s an option.”
    A squirrel dislodges the leg, which falls 30 ft, almost braining Sgt Sweenie & making Officer Wood vomit down his uniform.
    “You’ll have to clean that,” says Sweenie.
    “ I have another one.”
    “This one’s going to stink!”
    “I’ll hang it out my window.”
    “Pity the poor bastards walking past your window.”
    “They could walk on the other side of the street.”
    “I wonder where the rest of her is.”
    “It ran off on her other leg.”
    “If a mountain lion finds her, we may never get her back.”
    “Where’s a mountain lion?”
    “Up a mountain.”
    “There’s no mountain within 500 miles.”
    “Mountain lions have a big range.”
    “Is the mountain lion home on the range?”
    “I hope so.
I don’t want to tangle with a disgruntled cat.”
    “Maybe it’s only a pussy.”
    “I don’t want to tangle with a disgruntled pussy.
I’ve
tried that.”
    A crowd gathers around the crime scene.
Everybody seems a bit disgruntled - disgusted, terrified.
Some spit on the leg, others whip it out & piss on the leg.
When others drop their pants to defecate on the leg, Sweenie & Wood arrest them for going too far.
They’re put into the squad car, that becomes a squat car for they crap all over everything, spreading the stench of the people.
    The mountain lion appears & eats the two policmen, then adds them to the rest of the pile.
    The mountain lions rule until the elephant leaves the circus & steps on them.
The elephant has a crush on the mountain lions who spread their gore all over the bronze horses in the park, which every- body knows about when the pretty birds tweet . . .

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