writing from
Scars Publications

Audio/Video chapbooks cc&d magazine Down in the Dirt magazine books

 

This writing was accepted for publication
in the 84 page perfect-bound issue of
cc&d (v242) (the March / April 2013 Issue)

You can also order this 5.5" x 8.5"
issue as an ISSN# paperback book:
order issue


cc&d magazine cover

Order this writing
in the book
Guilt by Association
cc&d 2013
collection book
Guilt by Assosiation cc&d collectoin book get the 374 page
Jan. - June 2013
cc&d magazine
issue collection
6" x 9" ISBN#
paperback book:

order ISBN# book

What Emil Said

Michael C. Keith

And he dallies with the innocence of love.


— Shakespeare



    “Don’t you hate the way your thing gets all hard and sticks out? You can’t control it. Does it on its own. It just happens. All of a sudden you got this lump in your pants. Stays that way until you do sex with it,” said Derek.
    “You don’t get any sex,” replied his best friend, Tim.
    “You know what I mean,” said Derek, making a fist and moving back and forth.
    “I feel funny after I do it. Like I made a sin, ” admitted Tim.
    “Ask Father Larimer if it is.”
    “You crazy?”
    “Just kidding. You think he does it?”
    “Priests can’t be married.”
    “No, I mean . . . you know,” said Derek, again shaking his fist.
    “I think he does it in the confessional booth when he hears what people do.”
    “That’s creepy. You shouldn’t say things like that.”
    “I don’t know. Emil said Father rubbed his butt. Said his hand went right up his crack.”
    “If he does that to me, I’ll knock his block off.”
    “No you won’t.”
    “Yes I will.”
    “He’ll tell your mom, and she loves him. Thinks he’s some kind of saint.”
    “I’ll tell her what he did.”
    “She’ll believe Father. Not you.”
    “I think I’ll skip the lesson today,” announced Derek. “Just because we’re altar boys doesn’t mean we all want to be priests. All he does is read stuff about how priests are the representatives of God on Earth. And his breath smells like the sacramental wine. You can’t get away from it because he gets so close to your face.”
    “You afraid he’s going to try to do something.”
    “Huh? Like what?”
    “You know, try to do what he did to Emil.”
    “Maybe, but he better not try. I swear I’ll plow my fist at his fat head.”
    “Then you’ll be in big trouble. Punching a priest has to be worse than a mortal sin.”
    “What about him touching Emil’s rear end? That’s got to be a sin, too.”
    “Not as big as hitting a priest. God treats them special. Not like everyone else.”
    “Guess they can do anything they want and they won’t get punished for it. Let’s go.”
    “Huh? I thought you weren’t going to the rectory today.”
    “I’m not afraid of him. Besides there are two of us, so he wouldn’t try anything”

*        *        *


    Father Larimer was a round, bald-headed man in his late fifties who perspired no matter what the temperature was. Because of this he always clutched a rag to wipe his sweat-dappled forehead. Tim had seen sweat drop from his head into the gold chalice containing the Holy Eucharist. Does that ruin the hosts? he had wondered. Maybe they’re not the body of Christ anymore.
    When he rang the rectory bell, the housekeeper, Miss Gates, answered the door and greeted them with her usual sweet smile. She reminded Derek of his grandmother, and that helped ease his disquiet when he entered the old Victorian structure whose ample windows appeared dark and foreboding.
    “Hello boys. Father is waiting for you in his office. Go right in.”
    The priest’s door was open and he beckoned them from behind his large wooden desk.
    “Welcome, me lads. I’ve been waiting for you two. Close the door behind you. We have business to attend to. Sit there on the couch. I’ll join you there.”
    With that the priest swallowed the remains of a crystal wine glass and walked toward them. Both Derek and Tim obeyed his instructions and sat on the couch.
    “Spread out, boys. Let me sit between you.”
    His broad body landed heavily on the leather sofa causing Derek and Tim to bounce as if on a trampoline.
    “Let’s continue to discuss the role of the priest in God’s kingdom. You may find a calling to the family of Jesus at some point, so it is important you have a clear appreciation of what being a man of the cloth is like. It is my fervent hope, as well as your parents, I believe, that you seriously consider devoting your lives to God in the most meaningful and special way a human being can. Here, get closer as we look at some of the passages I wish to focus on today.”
    Before Derek or Tim had a chance to move, Father Larimer swung his thick arms around their shoulders and drew them to him.
    “Love! Love is the subject of today’s discussion,” said the sweaty holy man, taking time to gaze deeply at each boy’s face before proceeding.
    Both youngsters were repelled by the heavy odor of alcohol emanating from the priest’s wet mouth but neither revealed what he felt.
    “Do you know that the Bible is all about love? That was God’s greatest gift to the world he created. Look, in 1 Corinthians 6 it says, “Your body is a temple of the Divine Spirit in you. So glorify in your body. Love it.”
    As Father Larimore wiped his damp brow, Derek felt the sudden onslaught of an erection, and he placed his hand over his lap to conceal it. This caught Father’s attention.
    “Is there something going on, Derek? Something you’re embarrassed about? You don’t have to be. It’s a normal thing, especially for boys your age. Here, now, remove your hand. It’s nothing to be ashamed about.”
    Derek ignored Father Larimer’s request, which prompted the cleric to reach for his hand. At that moment, Miss. Gates tapped on the door and peeked in.
    “Father, there’s a Mrs. Willow here. She says she was supposed to get something from you.”
    “Oh, yes, the items of her deceased husband that I blessed. Stay put chaps, I’ll be back shortly.”
    As soon as the priest left the room, Tim went over to the bottle of wine on Larimore’s desk.
    “Hey, let’s take a swig. He won’t notice.”
    “No way. We’ll get in real trouble.”
    “You’re such a chicken,” taunted Tim, uncorking the bottle and taking a long drink that caused him to grimace.
    “I am not,” said Derek, joining Tim and taking a gulp of equal size. “Ugh, this tastes awful!”
    The two quickly returned to the couch and awaited the priest’s return, which came moments later. Both boys immediately felt the effects of the alcohol.
    “Okay, now where were we?” asked Larimer taking his place on the couch.
    As he nestled between them, he gave them a suspicious look.
    “I think the wine bottle has been moved a bit. Look, don’t you?”
    Both boys shook their heads no.
    “Well, I guess it grew legs while I was away,” he said with a knowing smile. Once again he gathered his acolytes to his sides. “Well, Derek, I see you’ve got things back under control.”
    The priest arched his eyebrow and nodded in the direction of the boy’s lap.
    “Yes, father,” replied Derek, relieved that his errant penis had deflated.
    “It’s all about God’s love, and it takes many shapes and forms . . . all beautiful. Do you two understand that?”
    “Yes, father,” replied Derek and Tim, feeling light-headed.
    “Come here, you two.”
    Father Larimer pulled their heads to his face and planted a kiss in their hair. He held the youngsters tightly for what seemed an eternity to them.
    “Okay, we have to call it a day. Something has come up,” he said, finally releasing the boys and rising from the couch. “But we’ll talk more about the importance of God’s love next meeting. Go now and don’t forget to say your prayers.”

*        *        *


    Derek and Tim left the rectory and began their walk home, still feeling somewhat buzzed by the wine.
    “Father’s not such a bad guy,” said Derek, weaving slightly.
    “I guess,” replied Tim, tentatively.
    “He didn’t try to do anything, right?
    “No . . . not really.”
    “You think Emil was lying about Father?”
    “Maybe. He says goofy things sometimes.”
    “I think Father Larimer just loves everybody,” said Derek, suddenly feeling slightly nauseous.



Scars Publications


Copyright of written pieces remain with the author, who has allowed it to be shown through Scars Publications and Design.Web site © Scars Publications and Design. All rights reserved. No material may be reprinted without express permission from the author.




Problems with this page? Then deal with it...