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9 Minutes

Guy J. Jackson

    Anonymous ski mask narrator exposing the world’s worst public transportation system. You ever hear of the 9 minute rule? It’s the rule whereby if you drop something like a candy bar you’re about to eat on the ground you have 9 minutes to pick it up and eat it before the germs come. That means your candy bar could be sitting in a puddle of Hepatitis blood and Bovine Spongiform Encephalopathy vomit for 9 full minutes before the germs get to it and you can stand there staring down at your candy bar in the puddle of blood and vomit for 8 minutes and 55 seconds before picking it up and eating it. Once I knew a guy though who dropped his candy bar on bare sidewalk and picked it up and ate it and still got sick, though. That’s the dilemma of a liberal who found out his dog was a conservative. The guilt of having roasted grasshoppers and watching their hoods turn red. Gotta go to where they doff their shoes before entering. Get the kids obsessed with some little thing or every little thing. Those are also all parts of the 9 minute rule. Subsets. Clauses.

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