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Forever

K. D. Walls

    He noticed her as soon as she turned the corner. It was hard not to, she was a knock out. The light tan of her shoulders, bared by the blue tank top, offset her strawberry blond hair. Her nose was small, with the slightest hint of a change in slope at the end. Full lips encased a little smile of perfectly white teeth as she caught his gaze. Her large, piercing green eyes looked directly at him.
    Embarrassed, he immediately looked at his feet. David noticed how cold the hallway was after she sat down on the bench next to him. He let out a small shudder of breath as he looked at his watch to see how much longer there was until class started.
    Twenty minutes. That could feel like an eternity when all you did was think.
    He thought maybe he should try to talk to her. It would help to pass the time, and she was the only other person in the hallway. David thought for several minutes about what he would say. Anything he came up with always sounded so infantile and hackneyed. Since when did first conversations have to be exciting, he asked himself.
    As he opened his mouth to speak, another girl came walking around the corner and sat on the adjacent bench. David quickly shut his mouth and started staring at his feet again, noticing the blue and white patterns on his shoes. He felt that it would be awkward should he start a conversation with one person and not another. He didn’t think too much of it, he would just try again next week, class was about to start anyway. David was glad this was his last of the day.

*        &        *

    He looked at his watch. Thirty-five minutes until class started. He’d have plenty of time to get there and think about what he was going to say to her. His sense of confidence after the American history exam had not yet died down. He felt like he could conquer the world, or at least his own inhibitions.
    “Today is the day,” he said quietly to himself as he walked down the expansive hallway. I’ll have enough time to get my bearings straight and think up some clever way to start a conversation, he thought. He hadn’t felt this good in a long time.
    David audibly gasped when he turned the corner. There she was. She had gotten here before him. He flashed a quick smile at her when she looked at him and then began to rethink his plan.
    As he sat down on the bench he thought frantically about what he would say to her. Would it be considered rude if he just sat there and didn’t say a word, he wondered. She could always say something to him, why couldn’t she start the conversation? That’s not how it works, he told himself, the male is supposed to attract the female.
    David noticed the speaker in the room next to him giving a lecture on genetics. Genetics would have been a truly fascinating subject on any other day, but not this one. The dull monotony of the instructor’s voice was surely putting several kids to sleep in there. That’s it, David thought excitedly.
    “That guy sounds like a barrel of fun,” he said to the girl. It was as worthy a conversation starter as any.
    “Hmm?” She asked in return.
    David frowned a little, “I said, that guy sounds like a barrel of fun.” This time he added a little smile when he finished speaking.
    She gave a faint look of annoyance and said, “I hadn’t noticed,” then produced a quick smirk.
    David berated himself mentally for even entertaining the notion that she would want to speak to him. He sat there on the bench for the next twenty-five minutes reminding himself how stupid he was. His mental punishment was temporarily relieved any time he would glance over and notice her beautiful features. This momentary bliss that her beauty created in him lasted only until the screaming began again in his mind.

*        &        *

    He stared at the wall on the opposite side of the hallway, noticing all of the cracks in the paint and the grid that the tiles formed. In combination with the bleak white tiles of the floor and ceiling, they produced an unnerving sense of solitude, even when other people were there.
    It had been four weeks since he had first seen her. In those four weeks he kept all of the things that he had wanted to say to her inside. He didn’t know why he couldn’t just say them. It seemed simple enough, but he just couldn’t bring himself to do it, a conflict of his mind and body.
    The bench was cold, as usual. He was alone in the hallway, as usual.
    “Par for the course,” David muttered to himself as he leaned against the wall. At least he’d be able to get a little rest before class started. He closed his eyes and leaned his head back against the wall. If he tried hard enough he might just be able to silence his thoughts until then.
    David was so relaxed that he barely noticed the meek voice coming from a few feet to his right.
    “Excuse me,” it said softly, almost apologetically.
    He sat up quickly and turned his head. It was her, she was speaking to him. He must have fallen asleep, he didn’t even hear her pass by him.
    “Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to wake you,” she said.
    “It’s OK,” David replied “I wasn’t asleep anyway, just resting my eyes.” He threw out a quick smile.
    She looked away shyly and said, “I just wanted to ask you something real quick.”
    David turned toward her, a little excited. After all this time, his one failed attempt at reaching out to her, after all of the playful smirks, she was finally going to try to break through to him.
    “Alright,” he said, “ask away.”
    “Do you mind if I copy your notes from last week’s lecture?” She asked. “I had to leave early and didn’t get them all.”
    David’s heart sank. He recovered himself quickly, before his emotions became apparent on his face. He knew she left early last week, if she did anything in that class he knew about it. He wasn’t watching her on purpose, it just happened. He’d find himself staring at her, just watching the way she would write some and then look up. She would write for eight seconds and then look up, he had timed it. It was never any more or less. She probably didn’t even know she did it.
    He retrieved the notes from his bag and handed them to her.
    “There you go,” he said, “they start right about here.” He pointed to a spot on the page.
    “Thank you so much,” she replied. She started copying the pages. Look at the page, write for eight seconds. Look at the page, write for eight seconds. It never failed.
    She finished, gave them back and said, “Thanks again.”
    That would be all for today.

*        &        *

    Confidence waning always, he hated himself. This day was no different than the rest. Sitting on the cold bench, in the dank hallway, alone. He sat, staring at the wall. On days like these it seemed like the wall stared back.
    David waited for her, there wasn’t much else that he was able to do.
    He heard footsteps around the corner. Was it her, he wondered. No, the stride was much too heavy and the pace of the steps was not right. Perhaps she’s running, he thought. He listened closely. No, not the right kind of shoe.
    He watched as the imposter rounded the corner and sat on the next bench. David was sure that it wouldn’t be long until she rounded that corner herself, and he could sit there scolding himself for not saying anything to her. It was just a matter of time.
    Time came and went, and still David sat, silent, unmoving. The previous class was emptying and yet she still was not here. The students in the hallway moved into the lecture hall for his class. There were still several minutes before the lecture started, she would come.
    The instructor was moving to the podium, still she was not there. Genuinely concerned, he thought to himself, she could still come in late.
    The lecturer babbled on and on about microbes and cell parts. Eventually the hour was up and the class stood up to leave, she never came. It was impossible that he missed her, he never missed her. David got up to leave and the restrained anger inside him suddenly broke free.
    “That bitch,” he said to himself once he was outside. He continued his rant in his mind, how dare she not come, this is our time together. David walked toward the bus that would take him back to his dorm room, he was furious. He changed his mind and decided to make the walk instead. The rain started to fall as the bus pulled off behind him.

*        &        *

    A week later it was still raining. David’s wet shoes squeaked on the floor tiles that had been the only consistent thing this semester. That and the unending feeling of loneliness the hallway produced.
    Like every other day, he sat down on the bench and listened to the monotony of the class ahead of his. He heard the footsteps around the corner. It was her. It took only a few more seconds for fate to produce the inevitable conclusion to which he had already come.
    Her wet red hair stuck to her forehead. Her eyes seemed to have a slight sadness, she looked cold. The afternoon’s events played out as they always did. He said nothing, she said nothing, class started. She wrote for eight seconds and looked up, and repeated this process again and again. David didn’t even pull his notebook from his bag. He didn’t care about this class anymore, and he was still mad at her for standing him up last week.
    As class was ending, he was determined to talk to her on his way out the door. This he resolved to be his final stand, it was now or never.
    Everyone got up to leave, they all frantically rushed for the door like a herd of cattle, she among them. He tried to step out into the crowd so he could be near her and talk to her as they walked out. He made his attempt to get out into the crowd, but it was moving too fast, David was pushed and passed until he wasn’t anywhere near her anymore.
    He could just see the back of her head as it walked through the lecture hall doors. His heartbeat quickened as he tried to catch up with her, but the crowd of students between them was just too thick. David’s frustration mounted and he let out a low growl that attracted the attention of some of the students closer to him. If looks could kill, none of them would stand a chance.
    Once he made it out of the room, he looked down the hallway and saw her head just as it turned into the stairwell. He walked at a quicker pace to try and catch her before she got outside. He made it to the stairwell and followed her up to the next floor, keeping his distance. The last thing he wanted to do was scare her by following too close.
    David tried to come up with something clever to say to her, something to get a conversation going where they could just find out a little about one another. Nothing came to mind.
    She turned as she continued to go up the stairs. She saw him behind her. Her pace quickened.
    That was it, he had scared her. He knew she would never talk to him now, following her for any longer would be pointless. He might as well just turn around and go back to his dorm at this point.
    David’s confidence fell through the floor, but something in him kept following her. Something in him was determined to catch up to her and talk to her. This surge of determination was something new to him, something that had never been present before. Or maybe it was there all along, just below the surface.
    She made it to the exit of the building and emerged out into the driving rain. She stopped a moment and searched her bag for anything that might have protected her from the violence of the elements. She found nothing.
    David watched her start jogging across the campus, no doubt running to get back to her dorm before the rain made her soaking wet. He kept up with her stride, all the while being pelted the drops of water. It felt like a thousand little needles landing all over his body, each inflicting tiny amounts of pain. He was so focused on the girl that he barely felt it.
    She stopped to cross a street and looked back again. She knew he was still following her. He was gaining on her while she stood here. As soon as there was an opening between the cars she took off at a full sprint toward the opposite curb. He wondered if she thought the river of cars might slow him down.
    It didn’t. His new found determination kept him going. He was still unsure of where it had come from, but he didn’t really care. He liked it. He felt powerful, like nothing could stop him from achieving his task. He wanted her. David’s mind searched for something to say to her when he finally confronted her. Why say anything, he thought, just ask her name and if she would like to do something later. It wasn’t that simple, he told himself. He thought about it for a second. David didn’t even realize that he had been watching and wanting this girl for nearly two months now and he still didn’t know her name.
    This new force that was driving him slipped and allowed itself to be heard for the first time in David’s thoughts. Why do you need to know her name, it asked. Just grab her and take her back to your room, it’s as simple as that. David’s mind raced. Where had such a notion come from? He was scared by the whole idea that what he had just thought was not himself, but someone or something else entirely, locked away deep inside him. But the determination, the confidence, the power, he liked it. David couldn’t deny that. He continued to follow her, while the new faction inside him was trying to leave the old David behind.
    The sky grew darker as she reached the courtyard of her dorm building. He saw her place her left hand against her ribs on the opposite side of her body. All the running must have caused a stitch in her side. She looked down into her bag for something. She stopped walking and looked more intently. Whatever she was looking for, it didn’t seem to be there.
    David saw her frantically searching the ground around her. He knew that her search was pointless. He’d had her keys since she dropped them just after crossing the street. He could just walk up to her and give them back, it would surely start a small conversation next class period. It would have to, she would be grateful to him for finding her keys.
    “Hi,” he said to her as he approached.
    “Hi,” she said, continuing to search the ground.
    She sounded scared. He liked that sound. She didn’t even look up to see who he was. He had decided that she already knew who he was, how could she not?
    “You shouldn’t be outside in weather like this,” his tone was calm, even.
    “I appreciate the advice, but I’m kinda stuck out here since I lost my keys,” she was sarcastic.
    “You mean these,” he held up the keys.
    She finally looked up. Her tan shoulders were dulled by the rainwater. Her hair was wet and clinging to her face and neck. That small and perfect nose of hers created a shadow that distorted the rest of her features. Those full lips seemed a prison to her exhausted frown of tiny white teeth. Her sad green eyes looked directly into his and then out to her keys in his hand.
    David had never looked upon anything more beautiful in his life. He hated to think that once she got her keys back, their life together would probably go back to just the way it had been before. Casual glances and greetings in hallways, nothing more, ever. He didn’t want that.
    She stood up to take her keys, a light smile broke across her face.
    “Thank you, so much,” she said, barely getting all the words out before she gasped.
    She looked down. She noticed his fist against her stomach and the small crimson spot that was beginning to grow on her shirt.
    He slowly pulled his fist back to reveal the blood stained key as it exited her torso. As she began to fall forward, he embraced her with open arms and held her up so she wouldn’t fall. After all, he loved her, and he didn’t want anything to happen to her now that she would be his forever.

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