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 “Spiraling”
Down in the Dirt (v124) (the July/August 2014 Issue)



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 		Spirali ng

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What Must be Done
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July - Dec. 2014
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I guess I’m one of the lucky ones

Fritz Hamilton

    I guess I’;m one of the lucky ones. I got back from Nam alive. Of course, when I awoke in a hospital in Germany, I discovered I’;d left my arms & legs back in Da Nang. I got back home to a VA hospital in Los Angeles, & that’;s been home ever since. It’;s taken years not wanting to kill myself, but with no arms & legs that’;s not an easy thing to do, & nobody wants to help me out.
    Now I’;m 66 yrs old. Another Vietnam vet, one with arms & legs & PTSD, a 64-yr-old black guy whom I met here in group therapy, is my loving assistant. He takes me everywhere, gives me a bath, takes me to the toilet & wipes my ass (his hand even gives me sex. I hope he’;s gay & loves me some) helps me eat, takes me to the beach, brushes my teeth, even holds me when I feel sorry for myself. He reads to me, even some of his own poems, & I recite mine to him, some of which get published, one in The Atlantic Monthly. Every day’;s a trial, but without Al I couldn’;t make it. I have a family back in New Jersey, I think, but they don’;t pay any attention to me, except my mom who sends me a card on my birthday, but it’;s Al whom I truly love, whom I live for.
    Al reads to me. We’;re halfway thru Crime & Punishment & last month we got thru Alice in Wonderland. Al lives here too. He was a lunatic when he got out of Nam. Having me here helps to keep him together. I suppose when one of us dies, the other will die too.
    So be it!



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