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Judas, U read the book

Fritz Hamilton

    “Judas, U read the book/ U’re supposed to hang yrself but not upside down.”
    “I know it, Peter, but I slipped before I could get the rope around my neck, & now I’m humiliated, hanging upside down by my right foot, with my head over a stinking garbage can that has a rat running around inside it.”
    “My guess, Judas, is the rat would like to bite off your nose.”
    “I bet the Beetles would like to write a song about me.”
    “‘Hey, Dude’?”
    “Something like that. Try ‘Hey, Jude’.”
    “Or maybe, ‘Hey, Jude, U done be screwed.”
    “Not bad, Peter. ‘Hey, Jude, U done be screwed. Stick it in his ear if he’s not a prude.”
    “Careful, Judas. U’re making it sound too burlesque. They’re pissed off at U enuff for ratting out Jesoo. Don’t sound like U’re mocking it.”
    “I am mocking it, Peter. This whole damn story mocks itself. Bob Woodward would call it The Final Days & reduce it to political satire, but I don’t want anything to do with that. Let’s call it The Mocking Turtle.”
    “If U’re going to make a sea story out of it, try Moby Dick.”
    “Moldy Dick! U wanna make it porno?”
     “I didn’t say that!”
    “But that’s what it sounded like. Moldy Dick! Good chicken shit, that’s ridiculous!”
    “All right, Peter. In the meantime I’m still hanging upside down by my right foot. It wasn’t meant to be this way, but if U’re not going to do a thing
    about it, what can I do?”
    “One thing U can do is stop farting! This whole thing smells bad enuff anyway!”
    “U don’t smell too damn peachy yrself!”

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