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Order this writing in the book Friction cc&d June 2014 anniversary issue collection book + bonus 2014 cc&d writings		get the June 2014 108 page cc&d magazine 2010 anniversary expanded issue supplement collection 6" x 9" ISBN# paperback book:

I’ve Got a Hard-On for Jesus

Elizabth Harper

I’ve got a hard-on for Jesus.

Early, early on in my childhood
psychosexual development,
before Shaun Cassidy
and John Travolta,
even before Davy Jones and
wanting to be a live-in
housekeeper/ sex-slave
for all The Monkees,
there was Jesus.

He looked so cool in the pictures
with his long chestnut hair and beard.
And he was such a genuinely nice guy, too.
The first famous anarchist-feminist,
yet so misunderstood.
And who wouldn’t go for a guy
helpless and pinned to a cross.
S & M, here I come.
Hey Jesus, I’ll wash your feet,
and suck your cock, too!

Jesus Christ Superstar and Godspell
are my porn. I could come watching
a 20-something Victor Garber
dancing around and singing
in a Superman t-shirt.

I would get up early
to go to Sunday school,
even in the coldest Chicago winters,
and my daddy would take me,
so I could learn about Jesus and
read the bible and write poems and
do projects in papier-mâché.

I’d fantasize about meeting Jesus
in real life on the street.
I’d invite him in to have hot chocolate and
John’s frozen cheese pizzas.
I really thought this could happen
since Jesus looked a lot like the guys on Clark street
my dad would point out to me as heroin addicts.
But this worried me, too.
What if my folks wouldn’t let Jesus come over
because they thought he was a long-haired, hippie,
freaked-out heroin addict?
I was really worried I would come across Jesus
and he would be turned away.
Especially since I knew we were soul mates
and I really understood Jesus and
we were destined to be together forever and
just the thought of him made me feel all tingly
in my special place in my underpants.

This was probably the beginning of my realization
that adults were hypocritical liars
with reputations and property to protect.
They didn’t really want me fucking Jesus,
even if, in a way, they said they did.

Jesus loves me!
The bible tells me so!
He loves all the little children!
I love Jesus!
The bible tells me to!
I want him inside me!
So I’ll never be alone!

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