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THE HONORABLE FATHER
Mel Waldman
December 1945
The boy worshipped his father who was a God-fearing man. Little John Turner thought his father was the beginning and the end. Mother told him that Daddy was an important man. “Your father helped win the war!” she told Little John.
“What did Daddy do?” asked the boy who glowed with pride.
Mother replied: “It’s a secret, Little John. A big secret. But our wonderful country owes a lot to your father. John Turner, Sr. is a great man!”
“Can I tell the kids at school?”
“What?”
“That Daddy helped win the war.”
“Well, it’s a secret, Little John. And we shouldn’t...”
“Oh, Mom! What should I tell the kids?”
“Tell them that your father is an important man. He works for the government.”
The Turners worshipped at St. John’s in Georgetown, St. John’s Church in Lafayette Square, and the Washington National Cathedral on the crown of Mount St. Alban. When the Turner family went to church, John Turner, Sr. gave little John bits of wisdom which delighted the boy.
One day when the family entered St. John’s Church in Lafayette Square, John Turner, Sr. asked Little John: “Do you know what Admiral George Dewey said about St. John’s?”
“No, Dad.”
“Should I tell you, son?”
“Please, Dad.”
“Get ready, son. This is sweet.”
“I’m ready, Dad.”
“Admiral George Dewey said: ‘My greatest and dearest personal ambition is to conquer Manilla and to be allowed to live in order that I may return to pass the plate at St. John’s.’”
“That’s real sweet, Dad. Real sweet.”
The following Sunday the Turners went to the Washington National Cathedral. As they entered the church, John Turner, Sr. announced: “My house shall be called a house of prayer for all people.” Momentarily, John Turner, Sr. paused and smiled at Little John and his wife Mary. He asked: “Where...?”
Little John cried out: “Matthew 21:13, and Congressional Charter of 1893.”
John Turner, Sr. was very proud, as were Little John and Mary. Indeed, the Turner family was God-fearing, all-American, and united. A strong bond of God, love, and faith kept the Turners centered and conflict-free. So it went-for one more year.
November 1946
Thanksgiving
The Turners stood in front of St. John’s in Lafayette Square. John Turner, Sr., a thin man of average height, had an air of confidence and authority which made him seem bigger than life. With his penetrating gray-green eyes, he looked at Little John and Mary. He said: “You know, Little John. St. John’s is not the oldest Episcopal church in Washington.”
John Turner, Sr. paused. He was a man who believed in the power of silence. “The oldest Episcopal churches are Christ Church on Capitol Hill, St. John’s in Georgetown, and Rock Creek Church, which is out in the country off North Capitol Street.”
He paused again and took a deep breath. “These parishes are far apart, Little John. So it was logical...only logical for some of their members to break away. Yes. And...”
The silence filled him with a new potency. “And establish a new church downtown. A church destined eventually to become ‘the Church of the Presidents.’”
There was a long silence. “Now, let us enter St. John’s and thank God for all He has given us. Let us thank God.”
November 1946
On November 30, 1946, John Turner, Sr. was arrested for being a Russian spy. The Turner family was shocked and Little John went into a deep depression. The thirteen-year-old boy was swept away into a private world of fantasy.
December 1946
On December 5, 1946, Grandpa Turner suffered a heart attack. A neighbor found him and he was rushed to Roosevelt Hospital. He survived.
January 1947
Little John suffered a nervous breakdown. He was secretly taken to a private sanatorium. When people inquired about the boy, the Turner family said he was staying with his grandfather in New York.
June 1947
Little John recovered from his mental illness. He stayed with Grandpa Turner in Manhattan for a month. He loved Grandpa Turner almost as much as he loved Father. In his diary, he wrote anguished words.
Little John’s Diary
June 16, 1947
Grandpa says he believes in Dad’s innocence. I told him I used to believe in Dad. Yes, I used to. Now I just don’t know. The kids called Dad a traitor. The papers are nasty too. Just don’t know. Once, I thought Dad was God. Today, Dad is in jail and on trial. Maybe God is dead. God forgive me for such evil thoughts! God forgive me!
Little John’s Diary
June 20, 1947
Grandpa confessed to me he was an exa... Exer... He spelled it for me. EXIST... E-X-I-S-T-E-N-T-I-A-L-I-S-T. Wow! I asked him if that meant he was an atheist. He said: “Oh, no, Little John. I am a man of God. A God-fearing Episcopalian. And it’s true that a lot of those E...s are atheists. Plenty of them gave up on God. Still, I like some of their ideas. Yes, Little John. I’ve always been an idea man. A thinker! And the E...s say there’s a difference between Truth and Reality. A very big difference. And there it is! Truth versus Reality! And that’s what this nightmare with your father-my son-is all about. The difference between Truth and Reality.”
I was confused. Told Grandpa I didn’t understand. And he just smiled at me. With one of those heart-warming smiles of his. He said: “Bet you don’t understand, Little John. Most folks don’t. So here it is! The Truth is that your father is accused of being a Russian spy. The Truth is-he’s in jail and on trial. The Truth is-he may be found guilty. And people are already talking. Saying nasty things. Terrible things. Truth is all of these things and more...much more. More... Yet Reality is different. Reality is-your father ain’t no Russian spy. Not in his character. And your father-my son-has plenty of C-H-A-R-A-C-T-E-R! So I know he’s innocent. Even if they say he ain’t. Even... I love him. Yes, I love him, Little John. Watched him grow up. Only way he’s a Russian spy is...”
Grandpa stopped. Entered this long silence-just like Dad would do-and when he came out of it, he said: “Only way he’s a Russian spy is...if he ain’t!”
I looked up at Grandpa and now I was really confused. And he knew it. He kissed me on my forehead and gave me a big hug. “Truth versus Reality, Little John. That’s it in a nutshell.”
Little John’s Diary
June 30, 1947
Dad is innocent. He is being released today. He is not a Russian spy. The papers say he is a patriotic American. What happened was a terrible mistake based on circumstantial evidence. Okay. So Dad is innocent. But is this Truth or Reality? Maybe Truth and Reality coincide once in a while. Maybe...
Little John’s Diary
December 25, 1947
We had a normal Christmas today. Last year Dad was in jail. Unreal. Wish it never happened. But...I’m starting to feel close to him again.
Grandpa flew in from New York. We had another talk. He told me I was right. Sometimes Truth coincides with Reality.
Little John’s Diary
January 1, 1948
Dad and I had a long talk. He told me he was never a Russian spy. He asked me if I believed him. I told him I trusted him. I said: “That’s Reality, Dad! Reality!”
Little John’s Diary
November 5, 1951
Dad and Grandpa had a long talk. Long and...very, very private. Something’s going on. Something.
Little John’s Diary
November 30, 1951
Dad was shot! Unreal. Why? Who did it? Why? What happened? Dad was shot! He’s in critical condition. I don’t believe this. Five years ago he was arrested for being a Russian spy. Five years ago. Today is the anniversary of that bizarre day. Today.
Little John’s Diary
December 1, 1951
Dad died at 3 A.M.
Little John’s Diary
December 2, 1951
The funeral was...killing! Grandpa was there. We spoke privately. Mother seemed far away. Her eyes were vacant and...she hugged me. Yet there was this rending distance. She must be in shock. Maybe she’s afraid I’ll... It’s okay. I’m strong now. Not gonna crack. Gonna join the army. The army! Of course. And when I get out, I’ll... I’ll be like Dad.
Little John’s Diary
January 1953
I joined the CIA. I was told there’s a dossier on me. There are no secrets. They know everything. Yet they have the fullest confidence... Christ! They even know about my breakdown after Dad’s ... They know I’m strong now and... They know.
Little John’s Diary
June 16, 1955
I married Betty Johnson. Mother and Grandpa are pleased. She’s the right kind of woman for me.
Little John’s Diary
August 10, 1956
Joseph was born at 4:40 A.M.
Little John’s Diary
November 30, 1957
They contacted me. Can’t believe... They want me to be a mole. A Russian spy! They claim Dad was... I don’t believe...
Little John’s Diary
December 5, 1957
They showed me the proof. Can’t believe... Truth versus Reality? Dad was a mole. A mole! Yet...
Little John’s Diary
December 24, 1957
They gave me one week to decide. Otherwise... The papers will get copies of the documents. The Turner family is condemned. No matter what I do. No matter! Yet they say I am lucky. I will be a rich man. A rich mole.
Little John’s Diary
December 25, 1957
Grandpa joined us for Christmas. He looked ill. Told him to take care of himself. He said he was feeling fine. So I didn’t bug him.
I confessed! Told him Dad was a Russian spy. Told him. Grandpa smiled sardonically. He whispered: “I know. He was a mole. But he wasn’t.”
I was confused. Just didn’t understand. And Grandpa just winked at me. I was swept away. Into the silence which followed. I waited.
“Your Dad told me the Truth. He was a mole. But...”
I floated in silence.
“But he was really working for the CIA. The Reality was... Your Dad-my son-was a triple agent. The CIA ordered him to become a mole. So... Once more-Truth versus Reality. My son kept Reality from me-till the very end. He was afraid they had discovered... He wanted to protect us.”
Truth versus Reality. I understood. I inhaled the silence and said: “Did they kill Dad?”
“Probably.”
“So what should I do?”
“Wait a few days. If you don’t hear from Our Side, go see Roger Dawson. He was in charge of your Dad’s operation. He’ll know what to do.”
Little John’s Diary
December 30, 1957
Our Side never contacted me. I saw Roger Dawson this morning. He told me he’s been waiting for me. Figured I’d contact him once the Russians got to me.
Dawson wants me to become a mole. I’ll report to him. Yet the others won’t know. Jones, my immediate supervisor, won’t know. When I asked if the Director would know, Dawson said he was unable to tell me.
Why? He could not tell me. Then he said: “We’ll feed the Russians what we want to.”
Dawson told me Dad was a great man. “The best agent we ever had,” he said proudly. “He’d want you to continue his work.”
I guess I wanted to feel close to Dad. So I agreed. And Dawson said: “Welcome aboard.”
Little John’s Diary
December 31, 1957
I contacted the Russians. I became a mole. Dawson knows. And Grandpa. The rest of the Turner family is innocent. Betty and Joseph and Mom will never know. Never!
Little John’s Diary
December 5, 1958
Grandpa passed away. Yet he’s deep inside... Just like Dad. I feel his presence.
Little John’s Diary
December 25, 1958
A sad Christmas. I pray for Dad and Grandpa. Mom, Betty, and Joseph are by my side.
Little John’s Diary
December 25, 1968
Another Christmas. I’m proud of the Turner family. Little Joseph is becoming a man. Someday... No! Don’t want him to join the CIA. It’s no life... No!
Little John’s Diary
May 30, 1970
Roger Dawson died of brain cancer this morning. Surreptitiously spread through his brain. Just like the CIA. Wonder who will replace him.
Little John’s Diary
June 5, 1970
They contacted me. Bob Forrest is taking Roger’s place. So it goes.
Little John’s Diary
August 10, 1974
Joseph tried to enlist in the army. He was rejected. Classified 4F. He’s got a heart murmur. I worry about him. He’s fragile. Well, at least he won’t be following in my footsteps. Want him to live a normal life.
Little John’s Diary
September 5, 1974
Joseph has decided to go into computers. That’s good. The boy’s a weakling but he’s got a good brain.
Little John’s Diary
November 1976
Can’t relate to that boy. We live in different worlds. Well, at least... He’s close to Betty. Yet Dad and I were inseparable. Grandpa and I were tight. Never was close to Mom. Neither was Dad. Christ! Is Joseph gonna make it?
Little John’s Diary
November 1978
Joseph is a freak. With his computers and... He’s close to Betty. Very close. But he never goes out with... Does he like women?
Little John’s Diary
November 1980
Been keeping these diaries for ages. Locked away where no one can get to them. No CIA agent or Russian spy will ever find them. They are my Reality! Yet I’ve been thinking... Should I destroy them? No! I can’t! They are my fortress against the Truth. The Truth is such a damn lie!
Little John’s Diary
December 5, 1981
I will destroy the diaries after Christmas. Feel close to them. They anchor me and give me a sense of self. Self. And I’m thinking of divorcing Betty. Nothing there anymore. Maybe there never was.
Little John’s Diary
December 10, 1981
Mom spoke to me and insisted I fix things up with Betty. Divorce is unacceptable, she says. Don’t know. Wish Dad were here. And Grandpa. They’d know what to do.
Little John’s Diary
December 25, 1981
A magnificent Christmas. Starting to feel close to Mom. We talked for hours. The way it was with Dad and Grandpa. I’m going to make the marriage work. I’ll fix it! And Mom reassured me Joseph is normal. Thank God! He’s a computer freak and ... Never goes out with women. He’s got this mad passion and...
Little John’s Diary
January 15, 1982
I don’t trust Forrest. Think he’s a mole. If I’m right, we’re all in a lot of trouble.
Little John’s Diary
January 30, 1982
Don’t trust Forrest! Christ! What if Roger Dawson was a mole? What if I’ve been working for the Russians all along? What if Dad was a Russian spy? Then he fooled Grandma! Or he was fooled! Like me. What...? Hard to separate Truth from Reality.
Little John’s Diary
February 5, 1982
Don’t trust Forrest! Maybe... I should destroy the diaries. Yet... They anchor me. They keep me sane! If I destroy them, I may obliterate my soul. Reality is obscure.
Little John’s Diary
February 10, 1982
They’re onto me. Watching me. Won’t lead them to the diaries. Got this secret place. Nobody knows. Even if they trail me...
Little John’s Diary
February 11, 1982
Do the diaries exist? I mean... Truth versus Reality? Are they out there or in my mind?
Little John’s Diary
February 15, 1982
They’re closing in. Not much time to put things in order. Forrest is the mole. So whom am I working for? Which side am I on?
Little John’s Diary
February 16, 1982
Can’t breathe! They’re close. Very close. Forrest is super cool. Pretends he’s one of us. Got to do something. Something! But What?
Little John’s Diary
February 17, 1982
Had a talk with Joseph. There’s no connection. None! He’s a freak. I’m the loneliest man in the universe.
Little John’s Diary
February 18, 1982
Mom says I look troubled. Yes! Yes! Yes!
Little John’s Diary
February 19, 1982
Something terrible is going to happen. Happen! Happen!
Little John’s Diary
February 20, 1982
Went to see Mom. Told her someone was planning to kill me. Maybe the same person who killed Dad. She tried to comfort me. She couldn’t.
Told Mom I kept secret diaries. “They explain everything,” I revealed. When she asked me where I kept them, I said: “A secret place.” She smiled at me. Guess she understood. Got to protect Mom and Joseph and Betty.
Little John’s Diary
February 21, 1982
Any day now and...
Little John’s Diary
February 22, 1982
Tomorrow... Tomorrow, I’m going to see Forrest. Gonna make him confess... Gonna...
On February 23, 1982, John Turner, Jr., a.k.a. Little John murdered Bob Forrest. Then he committed suicide.
On March 5, 1982, the mole met Joseph Turner in front of St. John’s Church in Lafayette Square. They went for a short walk. They stopped in front of the Jackson statue.
The mole said: “There is in Washington, in Lafayette Square...a statue of Andrew Jackson, riding a horse with one of the most beautiful tails in the world.”
“Wallace Stevens, ‘The Necessary Angel,’” said Joseph Turner.
“Very good, Joseph.”
“So my grandfather and father were Russian spies?”
“Yes. That’s the Truth! We’ve got pictures and documents. Would you like to see them?”
“No. Not now. Later, perhaps.”
“We want you, Joseph.”
“Why?”
“With your expertise in computers...”
“I could be helpful?”
“Invaluable!”
“Moscow must be hungry for high tech.”
“It is.”
“What if I say no?”
Okay.”
“What if I turn you in?”
“You won’t.”
“That’s right. I won’t.”
“Joseph, you can walk away.”
“I can.”
“Or join us. Now! High tech has raised the stakes and broadened the game. The Silicon Valley microchips are now as valuable as NATO war plans.”
“Of course.”
“We need you, Joseph.”
“I see.”
“How does it feel to be needed?”
“Great!”
A long silence stretched between them. Joseph looked quizzically at the mole. “Why did you join them?”
“There’s a lot of money in this. It’s truly the American way. The Russians pay more and there are fringe benefits.”
“I see.”
“Do you?”
“Yes. But I’ll have to think about it.”
“We need an answer. Now! They’re waiting.”
Momentarily, Joseph looked at the statue. It’s beautiful,” he whispered. A magnificent horse.”
“Yes.”
“With one of the most beautiful tails in the world.”
“Yes.”
Joseph smiled at the mole. “So that’s it.”
“Yes?”
“Tell them I’m joining the team.”
“They’ll be very pleased.”
“I suppose sp.”
“You’ve made an excellent decision.”
“Yes. I’m an enterprising young man.”
Later, the mole met with the others. One of the Russian spies said: “What will he do when the Americans contact him?”
“I will instruct him.”
“Will he do what you say?”
“Of course. I know him. Absolutely no C-H-A-R-A-C-T-E-R! But plenty of greed. And a desire to be important.”
“A familiar theme...”
“Yes.”
“Very well. Just keep him in line. The rewards will be...”
“Plentiful!”
December 25, 1982
It was a lonely Christmas for John Turner Jr. was dead. Yet it was a glorious Christmas for Joseph. At last-he was a king! Master of computers and Master Spy!
Beside him was Mother and Grandma. Mother hinted she’d like a grandson. Grandma Turner told Mother to be patient. Then she winked at Joseph. He understood.
While decorating the Tree, Grandma reminisced about the day she murdered Grandpa. John Turner Sr. had ignored her. Made her feel insignificant. Invisible! Only the boys were important. The women in the family were second class. So one day, she exploded.
The Russians found out and recruited her. Offered her the world. And made her feel like... A Queen!
Momentarily, she gazed at Joseph. The boy was under her wing and she smiled triumphantly. Truth versus Reality? Who knows?
Joseph grinned sardonically.
