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6^th & mission

Patrick Fealey

    “we have mice,” david says.
    “how do you know?” i say.
    “they nibble my feet while i’m asleep.”
    “maybe it’s the jameson’s.”
    “i’m getting mouse traps.”

    “i bought mousetraps,” david says.
    “those are some big mouse traps,” i say. “i think they call them rat traps.”
    “what’s the difference?”
    “i don’t know, a toe?”

    “we caught a mouse,” david says.
    “holy shit!” i say, “that’s a rat!”
    “no, it’s not. it’s a mouse.”
    “biggest mouse i’ve ever seen.”
    “it’s a mouse.”
    “it’s a rat.”
    “it’s a mouse.”
    “okay. maybe it’s just a rat hybrid.”
    “you mean a mouse hybrid.”
    “whatever.”

    “we killed another mouse,” david says. “his eyes flew out of his skull.”
    “did you find them?” i say.
    “they’re stuck to the ceiling.”
    “that’s not a mouse.”
    “i meant a mouse hybrid.”
    “that’s a fucking rat.”
    “it’s not a rat.”

    “we caught another mouse hybrid,” david says.
    “oh my god!” i say.
    “it’s not a rat.”
    “we’re gonna catch the plague.”
    “mice don’t carry the plague.”

    “what are they eating?” david says.
    “whatever they’re eating, we’re not eating.”

    “you better go look in the corner,” david says, “it’s another mouse.”
    “how the hell many are there?” i say.
    “one less. go look.”
    “i’m too hung-over for this holocaust. oh, man dude, there’s blood all over the floor.”
    “i never knew mousetraps were so powerful.”
    “there’s blood and shit all over the place! is that better than having rats? i mean mouse hybrids?”
    “this is our thirty-sixth mouse.”

    “how big is this room?” i say.
    “about a hundred-and-fifty square feet,” david says.
    “how many rats have we caught?”
    “i stopped counting after seventy mice.”
    “why?”
    “i don’t know.”
    “we have one rat every two square feet.”
    “mice.”
    “they’re fucking rats you blind asshole.”
    “they’re mouse hybrids.”
    “have you ever seen a rat?”
    “no.”
    “i didn’t think so.”

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