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This appears in a pre-2010 issue of Down in the Dirt magazine. Saddle-stitched issues are no longer printed, but you can requesting it “re-released” through amazon sale as a 6" x 9" ISBN# book! Email us for re-release to order.

I am liquid Valium

Karla Ungurean

Glazed over eyes illuminated by glow of your Zippo
Reflect only from stagnant mosquito- infested waters
That masque all my fears and sweep the ashes under the rugs.
I keep you sacred like Jesus under my pillow,
And to suffocate myself I put you over my face and breathe you in,
Until the last ounce of air is sucked from my body and replaced by
Shadows.
I see that box over in the corner,
Stepped on and painted green
To symbolize all that I am NOT to
You.
I am drugged and sad and crying into the mirror,
Because I am pretty when I cry.
This is the only thing I need to feel free in this world,
This instinctive sadness and inevitable fear from
The bleakness of the shadows hiding under my bed
and connect with my eyes
From across the room as you protect them from me.
I know you hide behind the tiny origami figures,
Praying to my god that the corners will engrave my eyes,
With your sad, unoriginal monogram.
I hemorrhage despair and leak it onto your
Pale little cherub face.

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