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At The Parade

Eric Burbridge

    Derek Malcolm’s expressions said it all. Problem, not a big problem, but a concern. He had what I call “a talking face,” enviably handsome, but easily read. Sometimes getting his kind to talk about it wasn’t easy. It took psychology, my specialty. I first met Derek in a counseling class I taught for the State’s DUI program. Getting smart with a cop got him a bogus DUI charge like several others in the class. We accidently bumped into each other at O’Connor’s, my favorite watering hole. He lied and said he’d been sober since being enrolled in the class. I lied about being sober for several years meeting the criteria to teach it. We kept each other’s secret. I needed the extra money; he needed his license.
    “Hey Doctor Gleeson, how are you?” He pulled out a stool and sat. He was dressed like a biker with a sleeveless studded shirt that accented his muscle tone.
    “You aren’t riding are you?”
    “No.”
    “Good, what are you drinking?”
    “Heineken.” Big Jimmy greeted him with a fist bump, reached in the cooler and produced a cold one. “I got a weird story for you.”
    “Okay, I’m listening.” Surprise, he wanted to share. He took a gulp and belched like a bullfrog.
    “A few decades ago The Chicago Gay Pride parade wasn’t a significant event, now the spectators and participants are a million strong. People wouldn’t miss it for the world. Mother Nature demonstrated love for the LGBT community; hot, humid and not a cloud in the beautiful blue sky.”
    I nodded. “Yes, I know, Derek.”
    “A break in the parade allowed me to slip across the street to a local bar. I forgot the name of the place, but it was packed and noisy. I emptied a Heineken into a frosted glass and gazed out the window. I called my editor to answer his texts. He said what I expected, more shots of the dancers. Okay, so I hit the button, he got them and that ended the work day. The used beer department called. I asked the leggy guy in drag next to me with the real looking tits to hold my seat. I lot to ask I know, but what the hell. ‘Go ahead guy, I got you.’ He said.
    The washroom was crowded and larger than I expected. I didn’t expect to see all the stalls with double occupancy. The hookers male and female were making money. I caught a glimpse of a security badge clipped on somebody’s belt around their knees. Between flushes I heard moans and groans. I finished my business and when I turned; the guard and his friend came out. They smiled, but avoided eye contact.”
    “They were embarrassed.” I said and laughed.
    “Perhaps. My seat was still empty and I thanked the guy. He looked like a movie star. He was gorgeous; perfect tan, hairless skin, hazel eyes and jet black hair. The problem with my observation, I shouldn’t have noticed. You see what I mean?”
    I shook my head. “No, but maybe a little, I guess. Let me get this right. You thought he was pretty and since you aren’t gay that bothered the hell out of you. Right... sort of?”
    “Uh...yeah.” Derek hesitated. “Well, I love lesbians. Lesbians of all kinds, from the ones who dress like men to the one’s you can’t tell. Weird I know, but that’s me. Anyway, when I looked across the bar a female squeezed her way in between some guys who surrounded her friend.
    She was hot; short black hair and a radiant beautiful smile and a face to match.
    Our eyes met and we sent each other a drink. She kissed her companion, who was equally attractive. She came over and stood beside me. ‘I’m Molly, nice to meet you.’”
    “Derek, good to meet you. She refused my seat. She was long, lean and curvaceous. Our conversation flowed from subject to subject.” He sipped his beer and sighed. “Now, this is the crazy part of the story. The guard, or whatever he was, from the bathroom came up and introduced himself. He favored Molly. He was her brother; ain’t that something? She excused herself to go to the little girl’s room. You’ll love this part. He said, ‘straight guy’s like you don’t do shit but hurt my sister. Don’t hurt my sister. He walked away.’”
    “Okay, Derek, what does that mean?” He spun his beer and stared into the bottle.
    “I really liked Molly. With my half drunk self I came up with an idea to make her brother think I’m gay. I didn’t want trouble in the future and it might get me some free beers.”
    “Oh really and how...”
    “Wait a minute, doc.” He interrupted and finished his Heineken. “You’ll think I’m crazy and maybe I am. Molly returned and signaled me she’d be back while she said whatever to her friend and her brother.” He cleared his throat. “I asked the shemale next to me if I gave him a twenty would he kiss me. A Hollywood kiss, of course and I told him why.”
    “You’re kidding?” I dropped my head and giggled. Derek turned red under that tan of his. “I’m sorry, finish your story.”
    “The guy, his name was Charlie, he giggled too and agreed. I slipped him the money and we kissed.”
    “You did?” I couldn’t help but have a big grin on my face. “And then what happened?”
    “Long story short...we tongued a little; I liked it. The brother thinks I’m gay and me and Molly see each other off and on. But, now I’m crazy about Charlie. Am I gay or what? What do I do?”
    Jesus...what’s wrong with him? That was a fantasy of thousands of guys and gals. “Derek, you are, I’d say bisexual, enjoy it and stop torturing yourself.”
    “Thanks, doc, thanks for listening. I feel better. You know I still have a problem with him in drag...”
    “Is she beautiful to you?” I jumped in knowing the answer.
    “Yes... gorgeous, but he doesn’t go out like that except on Parade day and Halloween. Charlie’s a lawyer so that explains that. He dresses for me. He says it brings out the animal in me. Want another beer?”
    “Yeah.” He signaled the bartender.
    “Why don’t you and Charlie come to a private club I belong to for all kinds of people? People who like their privacy, it’s very exclusive and we’re having a fashion show.”
    “We’d love to.”
    “I’m glad.” It will be interesting to see his reaction when I slip my petite beautiful body into the bra and panty sets. He might fall in love with me. I hope anyway.

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