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Time Will Come Today
Michael Ceraolo
And early twenty-first century American humorist
parodied pretentious boosterism by creating a place
where, among other attributes, all the children were above average,
while,
in the rest of the country,
thanks to devolution
caused by repeated toxic exposures
all the children (and adults) were below average,
as will be shown
and yet,
with the discovery of parallel universes
and the subsequent realization that the phrase
Well, anything's possible
was not a consoling cliche but literal truth,
there was a place where all these devolutions
were considered shining examples of evolution:
where those who
despite repeated exposure to education
have managed never to catch it
are considered to have strong immune systems;
where the man who was covered in blood
with an eight-inch long open wound
all the way down to the bone
who incredulously indicated
he didn't know what had happened
and later came up with a story
too ludicrous to be repeated here
was showing the highest degree of creativity;
where people who speak
without the prerequisite
of having knowledge of the subject
are revered;
where it is considered a compliment
to say to an strology believer
your brain is always in Uranus;
where someone beyond the chronological age
requiring constant parental supervision
who freed his friend's stuck finger
by hitting it with a hammer
was considered a problem-solver;
where the slogan
IGNORANCE IS BLISS
was taken literally, not ironically;
where a college student
who went for a walk in sub-sub-freezing temperatures
while wearing only flipflops on her feet
was rewarded for her frostbite with immediate graduation;
where the filibusterer who says something
in two thousand words instead of twenty
is esteemed,
because
quantity is quality;
where the thief who is the first
to suspect everyone else of dishonesty
and the man who disrespects everybody
is the first to suspect everyone of dissing him
are actually right;
where there was a truth-in-advertising law for opinions
and people proudly proclaimed theirs
one hundred percent fact-free;
where a man who is struck by lightning
while wearing an IPod in a thunderstorm
is revered as a prophet;
where the cell-phone salesperson being rear-ended
by a driver talking on her cell-phone
is considered tragedy rather than poetic justice;
And other instances as yet undiscovered
